Black woman, to eight-year-old white girl: I love the white people. You are so cute. I would babysit you. Come here.
White woman: Yes, give the little white girl a hug.
Black woman, to girl: If anyone fucks with you, I’m gonna be fucking with them.
–47th & 8th
Overheard by: alxie
6th grader boy: So, my whole life I've heard pussy is great…
6th grader girl: And?
6th grader boy: Well, I tried it… and it ain't that great.
6th grader girl: Why?
6th grader boy: It tasted weird. (pause) Next time I'll buy it from somewhere else.
–116th St & 2nd Ave
Son: Why you doin’ that?
Father: I am your father. It’s my job.
Son: No, it’s not.
Father: But I’m enjoying what I’m doing.
–1 train, Chamber St
Thug: I need a girl who’s responsible and don’t got no kids.
–40th & 5th
Dude: Are we talking about the truth now? The truth is that you’re scared that she’s going to take your son away from you!
–27th Street office
Black guy on cell: Yeah, it was actually all right. We were both circumcised.
–Union Square greenmarket
Overheard by: Lisa Ramaci
Seven-year-old girl: It would be fun to be a firefighter, or a policeman, or a princess…
Mom: Mmm-hm.
Seven-year-old girl: You know what else it would be fun to be? The devil.
Mom: Oh, dear…
–40th & 7th
Overheard by: That Girl
Toddler: Daddy, do you have your period?
Daddy: No. Only mommies get periods.
Mom whispers: Daddy has diarrhea.
Toddler to waitress: Mommy has her period and Daddy has diarrhea!!
–TGI Friday’s, Times Square
Very little girl: Okay, this is not going to be minutes, this is not going to be seconds: where is the panda?
Dad, looking around outdoor enclosure: Um… Oh! There it is!
Very little girl, peering through fence: I can't see it!
Dad, lifting her just above fence: How's that?
Very little girl: Okay! Let's go!
–Red Panda Habitat, Central Park Zoo
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Dad: The first president was George Washington, then John Adams, then Thomas Jefferson, then James Madison, then–
Little girl: –Who’s the last president?
Dad: The president now? George W. Bush.
Little girl: I thought he was dead.
Dad: No… Some people want him to be.
–B1 bus
Overheard by: Jennifer
Eight-year-old ghetto kid: Mama, give me your cell phone! I gotta call my girlfriend.
Mother: What you gonna talk to her about? How you can't read and write? Tell her to help you with that!
–Harlem
Overheard by: Joe
Midwestern child: Daddy, what’s that candle thing?
Midwestern father: It’s called a menorah. They use it on Jewish Christmas.
—Spamalot, Shubert Theatre, W 44th St
