Foreign exchange student: So, Claudia, since your boyfriend’s modeling career is taking off, have you thought of ever going abroad?
Latina: Nah, not really.
Foreign exchange student: Well, you could go to London.
Latina: Ohhh, no. I don’t got the time to learn the language.
Foreign exchange student: But Claudia, it’s England — they speak English!
Latina: Well, you know what I mean.
–Fashion Institute of Technology
Guy picks himself and his bike up off the street while other people approach…
Latino kid: Damn, son! Did you see that?! Motherfucker just got hit!
White guy: Hit him, too, or just the bike?
Latino kid: Man, that car hit the shit outta that guy! [Answers cell phone] Yo, get down here, son. Some dude just got hit!
–17th & Prospect, Park Slope
Overheard by: Matt Hartwick
Latina chick, in Spanish, after Korean tourist trips into her: Listen, you son of a bitch — don’t touch me, you faggot! You get me, asshole?!
Friend: Haha, babe, like this asshole understands what you’re saying?
Korean tourist, in Spanish: I lived in Puerto Rico for two years.
Latina chick, in English: Oh, word? What part?
–A train
Overheard by: Graham Davis
Latino: Why does Cookie Monster have to eat cookies? Why can’t he be, like… Veggie Monster?
Whitey: Yeah, man, the veggies!
Friend: ‘Cause Tom said so! That’s why he’s the Cookie Monster — ’cause he’s gotta eat cookies!
Latino and whitey: Really?
Friend: Yeah.
–Diner, 59th St
Jewish guy: I have to study a lot today.
Spanish guy: Dude, you had the whole weekend to study!
Jewish guy: I had the funeral, and I got food poisoning!
Spanish guy: I can understand the funeral, because, well… But the food poisoning is all your fault — you ate pork and you’re Jewish!
–Starbucks
Overheard by: liz
Latina #1 pushing stroller: Mira! Today was the first day of David’s school!
Latina #2: Damn! It start so quickly already?
Latina #1: Yeah, I went to drop David and met with the principal. He seemed a bit shady.
Latina #2: Shady? Like how?
Latina #1: I dunno. He was going on about how he treat everybody in school like his own children. I was like, ‘Hold up! What family has so many kids, anyway?’
–9th & 4th
Four-year-old girl: Jose!
Latino dad: Stop callin’ me jose! What’s my name?!
Four-year-old girl: Jose!
Latino dad: If you don’t stop callin’ me Jose I’ma stick my foot up yo’ ass, you hear? I ain’t no Jose, I’m Daddy!
–Atlantic Center
Saucy Latina: I don’t want to get a bikini wax if it won’t be sexual.
–Dallas BBQ, Times Square
Overheard by: Ladle
Exasperated Latina: She makes me sin on freakin’ Ash Wednesday!
–42nd St. 4 station
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Latina on cell: Hey, just calling to say hi… And tell you I’m never gonna see you again. Okay, bye!
–24th & 7th
Whiny Latina: I don’t want to sweat today — I can’t mess up my hair!
–New York Sports Club, Astoria
Overheard by: MissPinkKate
Loud Latina: He woke up and pissed in a bottle. I was like, ‘The bathroom’s right there! Why you gotta piss in a 40 bottle?’
–3 train
Overheard by: EthanK
Sassy Latina on cell: Well, you can just call your parents and tell them you’re a pig and need more than one woman and that’s why we aren’t getting married!
–Near Steinway St, Queens
Overheard by: ADC
Latino thug: That’s what we do. That’s what we do when we hangin’ out with a girl: smoke a blunt, watch a movie, and then we fuck. That’s what we do. All my niggas, that’s what we do!
–Ft Greene
Overheard by: Andrew
Latino trying to hawk a CD and pawn it to a latina: So, this isn’t my real job. I’m just doing this shit for fun.
Latina: Oh, what do you do?
Latino: … I’m in, like, marketing and advertising. Real professional shit.
Latina: Oooh, did you go to college?
Latino: Nah, I was already good at it.
–Flushing-bound 7 train
Overheard by: had to get an MBA to get good at it
Mom: So, is Alex Rodriguez black or Hispanic?
Boy: He’s married.
–Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: Bobby
