Man: I am not so sure about us getting married again.
Woman: But…
Man: When we were married the first time, you were in hospital for eight weeks and me's in jail two years.
Woman: Ha. Yeah.
Man: I am not so sure we should be getting married again.
Woman: True.
(both laugh)
–L Train
Mother: Look! A wedding! They are taking pictures for it.
Son: A girl is marrying a girl?
Mother: No.
Son: Where's the boy?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Dan
(bunch of people are buying wedding clothes)
Groom, indicating fly area: It's kind of sticking out over here.
Best man: Oh, you're not used to anything bulging in the front, right?
Groom: Well, I'm getting married, so I don't have to worry about that anymore.
Bride: Yeah, whatever. I know I'm going to stop going to the gym.
–Bridal Showroom, Flushing
Overheard by: Josh
Woman #1: Oh my god! I need to lose weight!
Woman #2: You do not need to lose weight. You’re married!
–Bathroom, Otto Pizza, 8th & 5th
Overheard by: Barista
Girl #1: So he told me that no matter what happens on June 31st, he will come to my house and we’ll discuss our wedding.
Girl #2: I wish my boyfriend would be there for me.
Girl #1: It sounds nice, doesn’t it? Except there is no 31st of June.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Ting
Catholic schoolgirl: I am so mature! I’m gonna be 16 soon. That means I can drive.
Boyfriend: That’s awesome.
Catholic schoolgirl: How many months is that in?
Boyfriend: I dunno…
Catholic schoolgirl: Let’s see…June, July, August, September, November…December? No, that’s not right…January, February, April, May…
–N train
Overheard by: Olga Kogan
Balding chubby man #1: Yeah, man, marriage is rough. I mean, you need to find someone who can bring something to the table.
Balding chubby man #2: Yeah…what do you mean?
Balding chubby man #1: I mean, when you hit 30 and are looking to settle down, you need to find someone who has something to offer, cause if she doesn't have something to offer, then you are in trouble.
Balding chubby man #2: Okay.
Balding chubby man #1: I mean, look at Paul McCartney, he married that lady, and they were together, what, five years? She brought nothing to the table. Then they divorced and she got 60 million dollars. Just like that!
Balding chubby man #2: Yeah, that's a lot of money.
Balding chubby man #1: I know! But I shouldn't talk bad about her…you know, cause she's crippled.
–N Train
Man #1: There are no cute chicks here.
Man #2: Yeah.
Man #1: Let’s go some place else — my wife is working overnight at the hospital.
–ESPN Zone Sports Bar, Times Square
Big black woman: …and they had a white one and a black one, and the white one was 45.99 and the black one was 52.99, so I bought the black one. Cause it was black…
–Best Buy, 23rd St.
Overheard by: Trouble
Guy on cell: Oh yeah? Well, check this out: I don’t care that I’m not invited to your wedding, because you’re fired!
–West 94th St & Amsterdam
Lady on cell: She must have been humiliated by the parade of wives!
–Broadway & 72nd
Man to friend: Whenever I want to fuck my wife, she doesn't want to. But when I can't, she always wants to. I think she does it out of spite.
–12th St
(Elton John's Rocketman playing on radio) "I miss the Earth so much… I miss my wife…"
Barista: You don't miss your wife, Elton. You're gay!
–Small Coffee Shop, SoHo
Midget handing out fliers: Who likes comedy? (to man in striped shirt) Hey, do you like comedy? I like striped shirts, let's work something out here!
(man keeps walking)
Midget, yelling after him: No wonder your wife doesn't love you!
–Union Square Subway
30-something guy: Dude, that's so rude. Plus, she's going to be your wife soon, so you've got to stop calling her that.
–Hell's Kitchen
Pissed off gay guy on phone: What should you have said? Oh, I don’t know, maybe "Hi, I’m Michael, I have syphilis!"
–13th & Broadway
Guy: That’d be a great gig, but I don’t know if you want to be the face of venereal disease.
–Cafe Esperanto
Woman coming off train: Get away from me! You got AIDS on yo’ dick!
–R Train
Overheard by: going to the clinic
Chick: As long as it’s not AIDS it’s okay. I’m vaccinated against everything except AIDS.
–Columbia University
20-something male talking to friend: You know the way I see it: AIDS will kill you, herpes is just an inconvenience…
–34th between 2nd and 3rd
Overheard by: LadyEDdy
Columbia student, on her public health exam: I just didn’t know where to put the gonorrhea! It had to go somewhere, I just couldn’t figure out where!
–School of Public Heatlh, Columbia University
Loud guy: So he gave her a venereal disease. That’s not a reason to marry her!
–Blue Hill Restaurant
