Man #1: Hey, man, how’s your mom doing? I hear she’s kinda sick.
Man #2: Yeah, she’s not doing so well. She lost her second leg.
Man #1: What? She lost another one?
Man #2: Yeah, son. She called me the other day because she couldn’t find it. I went to her house and looked everywhere for it, but nothing, son… Nothing. It’s fucked up, you know what I’m saying?
Man #1: Yeah, son. That’s some fucked up shit. Damn, son.
–Atlantic & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: MS
Man #1: Has she told you that she loves you yet?
Man #2: No… She’s much too intelligent for that.
–Unioin Square
Old man #1: You gotta watch out for those southerners. Don’t think they’re stupid just because they talk slow.
Old man #2: Yeah, they just talk that way to get you off your guard.
–Health & Racket Club locker room, 45th & Lex
Jogging man: Well, let’s just say there’s more than one use for a pocket.
Jogging woman: Ewww! Gross!
–Prospect Park
Rider #1: America’s a great country, but people don’t want to defend her. They don’t want to go to the front lines and get their brains blown out.
Rider #2: Been there; done that.
–D train
Man #1: Hey, are you gellin’ like Magellan, ya cocksuckin’ bastard?
Man #2: I’m so gellin’, I fuckin’ raped Magellan in 1492 when Columbus sailed the ocean blue, before World War Two in 1942.
–Outside Madame Tussaud’s, 42nd St
Overheard by: These guys are so not gellin’
Man #1: I hate long lines.
Man #2: Me, too. Did I tell you the story about how I missed my plane because of the line at Starbucks?
Man #1: No…
Man #2: I missed my fucking plane because of the fucking line at Starbucks.
–Front desk line, Sheraton Hotel
Overheard by: Julia Kriner
Old lady: Take your coat off — it’s a hundred degrees in here!
Old man: Stop talking to me!
–Architectural Digest event, W 59th & 12th
Man: I need a card celebrating the birthday of the Buddha.
Employee: Um, we don’t have anything specifically for that…
Man: Well, you should. You really should.
–Papyrus, Grand Central
Suit: Sometimes I want to ask Dan* if he’s gay. I can’t figure out if he is or not.
Woman: Is he flamboyant?
Suit: Yeah, but that could be because he’s a southerner.
–550 Madison Ave
Overheard by: DrDorn
