Mom: Okay, sweetie, time to get you home.
Drunk daughter: Shut the fuck up, Mom! You’re drunk, you stupid whore!
–Bedford Ave
Mom: Okay, sweetie, time to get you home.
Drunk daughter: Shut the fuck up, Mom! You’re drunk, you stupid whore!
–Bedford Ave
Disgusted mom: I thought that old man had a Bluetooth in his ear…
Teen daughter: It wasn’t?
Disgusted mom: It was ear hair.
–Times Square
Overheard by: SurferGirl
Child: Look, Mommy, that lady looks like Daddy’s computer.
Mother: Which one?
Child: The one he has in his office.
–Seaman & Cumming
Big black woman to son: I’m gonna smack you so hard, you’re gonna taste it!
Son, wailing: I don’t want to taste it!
Passerby: I don’t want to taste it either.
–74th St-Roosevelt Ave station
Mother: You were a jerk for years.
Son: No, I was a cokehead. There’s a huge difference.
–F train
Overheard by: Shaun Laika
Lady: You know that guy you stayed with last summer?
Daughter: Who?
Lady: He called last night. That rug salesman from Turkey.
Daughter: I never stayed with a Turkish rug salesman, Mom.
Lady: He’s coming over at 10 tonight.
–5th Ave
Overheard by: I don’t do his sales.
Mom unwrapping granola bar for child: Now, eat this over my purse. I don’t want you getting crumbs everywhere.
Four-year-old: Why?
Mom: Rats like crumbs, and we do not want to contribute to the rat problem.
Four-year-old: Rats? I want to see the rats!
Mom: No! We won’t be a part of the problem.
Four-year-old: Where are the rats?!
–1 train
Overheard by: turtle
Tourist teen with new Uggs: Ma, can I wear these out of the store? Please?
Tourist mom: Are you fucking insane? Do you want them to be black in this filthy place? I just paid a hundred and fifty bucks for those. Take your feet out of them and don’t stick them back in until we get back to Michigan.
–David Z, 5th Ave
Overheard by: nicole h.
Woman on stoop: Ugh, I hate kids.
Mom of playing children: You have four of them!
Woman on stoop: Oh, I got rid of those.
–Broadway, Astoria
Overheard by: melissa
Mother: You’re so pretty.
Four-year-old daughter, stomping: Don’t call me pretty! I need to be smart and pretty!
Mother: Okay, you’re smart.
Four-year-old daughter, crying: Nooo! Mom! Don’t just say ‘smart.’ Say ‘smart and pretty.’ It needs to be both! I can’t just be smart! Smart and pretty, together!
–Park Ave South
Overheard by: Lauren Joyce
