Movies

Clap If You Believe in Wednesday One-Liners

Grad student chick: Yoda is not a relative. He’s little and green.

–NYU

12-year-old boy: I’m in a grey area right now as to whether Santa exists or not. I need more evidence.

–E 20th St

Overheard by: Dia

Customer to cashier: Frodo, it’s been real.

–Barnes & Noble, 18th & 5th

Overheard by: I Am McLovey

Thug: You know what, nigga? I think all them zombies are racist mothafuckahs. You notice they always eat the brotha first? What are we, covered in mothafuckin’ chocolate? Do I look like a fondue fountain? That’s some bullshit.

–189th & Bathgate

Overheard by: Lyle

Hobo, in false British accent: Of all the dimensions in the universe, I had to end up in this one! New York — filthy, dirty, grimy. Greatest city in the world? Bah! I could have been fighting dragons with Merlin, but no! I had to end up here!

–6 train

Wednesday One-Liners Are Famous for Being Famous

Chick: When Derek Jeter sees where my new bug bites are, he’s going to go ballistic.

–McDonald’s, 51st & 3rd

Overheard by: Jack

Enlightened film student to dense film student: Y’know, I can’t wait for you to wake up one day, sit straight up in bed with your eyes open wide and realize that Quentin Tarantino sucks ass!

–Borders

Old guy to wife: God, Matthew McConaughey is a fucking faggot. That guy’s been sucking cock since he was born.

–42nd & Broadway

Newspaper peddler: Read all about it! Britney Spears just died! Read all about it!

–Wall St & Broadway

11-year-old girl, leaning on subway pole: I want to jump on this pole like Tila Tequila! She can put her legs up over her head!

–E train, 50th St

This Marriage Is Over

Chick: It’s like that movie — what’s it called?
Dude: Stand by Me?
Chick: No, Gummo.

–Staten Island

Overheard by: Same thing

Two Hours of Me Scratching My Armpits Would Be Better Than Waterworld

Employee #1 sinking dejectedly next to bookshelf: There should be a movie of my life.
Employee #2: That would be the worst movie ever.
Employee #1: Heyyy!

–The Strand

I Don’t Know Nothin’ ’bout Birthin’ No Movie

Tourist: What’s the name of the movie?
Busy cameraman: Gone with the Wind, Part Two.
Tourist, walking away: Well, that’s a smart-ass answer.

–Movie set, 53rd & Broadway

Overheard by: crew sympathizer

Who Wants to See a Horror Movie Where No One Dies?

Hipster, after a preview: Why would anyone want to see that? There’s no white people in it.
Girlfriend: Shhh!
Hipster: What?

–Landmark Sunshine Cinema, E Houston

These Days, My Intelligence Is Globally Distributed

Guy: I liked it. What’d you think?
Date: It was okay, I guess. I don’t know about the ending, though.
Guy: Well, I’m pretty sure it has some deeper meaning. I’ll have to check some message boards and find out.

–Regal Cinemas, Union Square

We Are Wise to Avoid Things That Cause Us Pain

Tourist: Are you shooting a movie? Is that what all this is for?
Production assistant: Yes.
Tourist: Which movie? Is it a new one? Who’s in it?
Production assistant: It’s a new Adam Sandler movie. It’s called–
Tourist: –Oh. Never mind. [Walks away.]

–Columbus Circle entrance to Central Park

Overheard by: Sweaty running boy

Like Picasso, Our Views on Art Will Never Be Accepted in Our Day

Punk girl #1: Man, the Metro said Spider-Man 3 sucked!
Punk girl #2: Yeah, I know, girl… The Metro says everything sucks. All movies suck according to it…
Punk girl #1: But Spider-Man 3 was amazing!
Punk girl #2: I know! The Metro also said You Got Served sucked… What the hell was up with that?

–Stuyvesant Town

Wasn’t That the Original Premise of The View?

Bimbette #1: Oh my god, did you see that new movie?
Bimbette #2: Wait, what new movie?
Bimbette #1: You know. Ugh, what’s it called? It’s the one with Jessica Alba.
Bimbette #2: Um, Fantastic 4?
Bimbette #1: Yeah! There’s only three, though, so I don’t know why it’s called Fantastic 4. It should be called ‘Fantastic 3 Plus a Blob.’

–E 33rd & Lex

Overheard by: Kris

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