Black guy: …And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
White guy: Are you trying to mug me or what?
–7 train, 74th St Roosevelt
Dude: Is she a stripper?
Girl: I don’t think so. Although she does hang around a lot of French people.
Dude: What about the guy…is he French?
Girl: Must be. He smells like hardwood floors.
–Union Square
Woman #1: But not all Asian girls are pretty.
Woman #2: Oh I know, but he just thinks that, on a scale of 1-10, Asian girls start off with like a +10.
Woman #1: Oh, well that’s good, because most white guys just see that they’re Asian and don’t consider whether they’re really pretty or not.
–78th & Lexington
Suit: So, you wanna bring the strippers to paintball?
–45th St & Ave of the Americas
Suit: They are not stupid people, even though they are from the Midwest.
–53rd & Park
Overheard by: MJ
Suit: We’re meeting in conference room G, but there’s still blood in there from the last meeting.
–53rd & Park
Overheard by: Russo
Suit whispering baby talk into another’s ear: Freddie, wash my butthole.
–Brooklyn-bound Q train
Late-50s suit to another: My next-door neighbors, they don’t know how to communicate with their Mexicans.
–N & R platform, 49th St
Overheard by: Wish I could have heard more
Suit to another: I don’t care what they say — once a french maid, always a french maid.
–Rockefeller Center
Suit on cell: If it wasn’t for goat’s milk I don’t know how I would’ve made it through college.
–45th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: y2jon
Guy: I’o’really mess with Queens, or people from Queens. [pause] 130th Street and 5th Ave, that shit is mad weird! You ever been to his house! That shit is mad white! You never gonna get in a fight there. [pause] Who eats ketchup — by is’self?
–Puebla Mexican Food & Coffee Shop, 1st Ave between 2nd & 3rd
Overheard by: C-Dub
Man: If you wanna have lunch, you’ve got to have lunch here, whether it’s Chinese or Subway.
–Canal St
Overheard by: Aahlixx
Little boy: Does all Chinese food come from Chinatown?
–Williamsburg
Woman: It’s like listening to an Arab speaking Spanish talking about the Chinese.
–W Train
Overheard by: Bluto
Tourist: The Chinese are notorious for blurring the line between pet and soup.
–Chinatown
Queen picking up delivery: Damn, I hate dealing with these Chinese people, they never be understanding English good!
–Fordham dorms, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: I don’t understand you either
Ghetto guy: Sushi is real Chinese food.
–23rd St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: John Wu
Hipster Chinese girl on cell: Americans have too much freedom. Yes, too much freedom.
–52nd & Madison
Teen girl #1:The guy with the blond hair, is he English?
Teen girl #2: No, he’s Jewish.
Teen girl #1: I hate Halloween.
–CVS, 4th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: johnozed
Hobo: Give Germany brain cancer! Fire laser beams into the back of the brain of Germany! Men, women, retarded children! Make Germany lose their memory!
–New York Public Library
Guido on cell: Write this down. It’s P, O, A with two dots on it, N, G. It’s a chair. Poang. Two dots. Two dots. Above. How the fuck should I know? It’s Swedish.
–IKEA, Elizabeth
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
JAP: OK, Brittney, so he got blown up in Israel. Everyone gets blown up in Israel!
–Harry’s Burritos, Thompson & 3rd
Queer: See, the problem is, you go to France and there are a ton of cute guys, but they’re all French. You go to Italy, cute guys everywhere, but they’re all Italian.
–47th & 9th
Overheard by: Jack Lienke
Guy on cell: If I made out with a Venezuelan, does that mean I’m on a government watch list?
–49th & 9th
Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson
Barista: Can you grab me a tall Ethiopian by the neck?
–Starbucks, Grand Central
Suit on cell: And I said, fuck, yeah, it was the best damn sushi I ever had! Who gives a fuck if we were in Alabama… those fuckers were still Japanese, you know?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Who doesn’t love the South?
Bus Tour ticket lady: Where are you from?
Woman: Italy.
Bus Tour ticket lady: OK, let me go get the guy that speaks French
then.
–46th & Broadway
Overheard by: KJ
White guy #1: What’s she look like?
White guy #2: She’s really hot, she’s black.
White guy #1: You mean African-American.
White guy #2: No, I don’t.
White guy #1: But you said she’s black.
White guy #2: Right, she’s Sicilian. She’s neither African nor American.
White guy #1: Well, her family must have come from Africa at some point.
White guy #2: Yeah, like 1000 years ago.
White guy #1: Ok, then she’s African.
–39th & 3rd
