Dude #1: You got laid last night, so shut up. Although I never saw her, so I don’t know what she looked like.
Dude #2: Neither do I…
Dude #1: Yeah, I thought about staying up and waiting just to get a look at her.
–17th & Irving
Overheard by: B-Round
Chick: Wow…
Middle-aged man: Yeah, girl, when I get home it all comes off!
–23rd & Park
Overheard by: Black in Queens
Dude #1: Man, let’s get out of here. These girls are ready, and there’s free condoms right over there.
Dude #2: No way, man. I wanna jump around to this music some more.
–Irving Plaza
Overheard by: Jay
Guy #1: … And ‘K’ on a triple-letter score makes 45.
Chick-who-doesn’t-give-blowjobs: What’s that? ‘Upchuck’? That’s not a word!
Guy #1: I’m afraid it is, dear.
Chick #2: Yup.
Guy #1: Go to dictionary dot com — look it up.
Chick-who-doesn’t-give-blowjobs: And what does this word mean?
Guy #2: Well, upchuck is what you would do if you saw smegma.
Guy #1: Last time she saw smegma I got 42 points!
Chick #2, on computer: I just looked up ‘upchuck.’ It means ‘vomit.’
Guy #2: Smegma, upchuck… Mike, I’m noticing a pattern in your choice of words.
Guy #1: I just try to think of words that will get Tina really upset.
Chick-who-doesn’t-give-blowjobs: Well, thank you very much. Are you proud that you’re a disgusting pig?
Guy #1: I would say I’m at peace with myself.
—Another Scrabble party, 34th & 2nd
Overheard by: Big Larry
Old, disgruntled customer: I wish I was young again.
Cashier: Do you believe in reincarnation? You could just kill yourself.
–Deli, Lex Ave, between 38th & 39th
Overheard by: Becki
Hoochie #1: … Because what could happen is you end up in Chicago and he ends up naked.
Hoochie #2: And that would be so weird.
Hoochie #1: Yeah, that would be so awkward.
–33rd & Broadway
Overheard by: …i’ll say it would be awkward!
Dude #1: You are totally using that pregnancy to your advantage.
Dude #2: I know.
–21st & Park
Hot guy #1: Sometimes her vagina smells like old cheese, and I feel like I’m suffocating down there and I’m gonna die.
Hot guy #2: Just use a snorkel.
Hot guy #1: Does that work?
Hot guy #2: I don’t leave home without it.
–23rd & Park
Guy #1: Have you done the naked yoga thing?
Guy #2: No, not yet.
Girl: I have to imagine that’s a little dangerous for a guy.
Guy #1: No, it’s okay. The cock pretty much knows where to go.
Girl: Not in my experience.
–19th & 3rd
Worker #1: Wasn’t he friends with Angelo?
Worker #2: No, Angelo hated him. Angelo hired two bums to beat the crap out of him around the corner.
–32nd & 2nd
