Girl #1: Don’t laugh while I tell you this! Channel Chris Parnell!
Girl #2: Ha, ha, ha!…I’m sorry, I have to pull a Jimmy Fallon.
–Banc Cafe, 30th & 3rd
Girl #1: Don’t laugh while I tell you this! Channel Chris Parnell!
Girl #2: Ha, ha, ha!…I’m sorry, I have to pull a Jimmy Fallon.
–Banc Cafe, 30th & 3rd
Girl: Well, as a lesbian, it’s not something I understand…
Guy: You mean, she’s a size queen?
Girl: I didn’t say that…but I don’t get it.
Guy: I don’t get it either. I mean, I’ve slammed into someone’s cervix, and it didn’t look like that was too fun for her.
Girl: Well, I guess you have nothing to worry about.
–Under The Volcano, East 36th Street
Guy: Hey look, it’s fucking Rudolph. You gonna gimme a ride, Rudolph? You faggot.
Little girl: Yeah, all reindeers are faggots. All reindeers are faggots, you faggot reindeer.
–46th & Broadway
Guy: But I should get extra consideration since you named [Melanie] and [Alexandra].
Preggers: I did not name them. What the hell are you talking about? We named them together.
Guy: No we didn’t. You came up with names and I agreed with you. You named them. It’s my turn.
Preggers: Leave it to the white man to rewrite history.
–1 train
Guy #1: Where’s DeShawn at?
Guy #2: Nigga’s probably fucking that bitch from Saturday night, that nigga is a pimp.
Guy #3: Nah dude, he’s at play practice.
–6 train
Crazy woman: Get out of my way Andrea!
Guy: Wow, I didn’t know my name was Andrea; maybe I should grow my hair out so I at least look the part.
–Fairway, 74th & Broadway
Little girl: You know who has a weird name?
Mom: You mean an unusual name?
Little girl: Yes. The librarian. Her name is Constance.
Mom: Oh, that’s an old name, like yours: Sadie.
Little girl: But they’re bringing it back. I hear a lot of people in the park say, “Come, Sadie!” Especially to golden retrievers. That’s why I’m begging you to get me a dog.
–D train
