Girl #1: Hey, we gave your boyfriend a new nickname!
Girl #2: Oh yeah, what?
Girl #1: Puff the Magic Dragon!
Girl #2, slightly exasperated: Oh…is that because of his cock?
–Cheap Shots, East Village
Girl #1: Hey, we gave your boyfriend a new nickname!
Girl #2: Oh yeah, what?
Girl #1: Puff the Magic Dragon!
Girl #2, slightly exasperated: Oh…is that because of his cock?
–Cheap Shots, East Village
Hipster girl: She was all, “Yeah, Betsy is my best friend,” and I was like, “Best friend? That is so fucking bourgeois.”
–L train
Girl: I know you made it. Look at you. You got a BlackBerry. Yeah, you made it. You got that good-smelling leather.
–Elevator, 12th & 5th
Overheard by: Thirsty Violet
Professor lady: Yes, we’ll be going into debt a lot as the semester goes on.
–Parsons School of Design
Overheard by: Ray
Teen boy: Anyone on this train wanna buy some candy? It’s not for a basketball team or something, it’s for me so I can buy more candy.
–2 train
Overheard by: Sarah
Intercom: Please take a headset before you get on the plane, because they’re free now. They’re actually free once you get on the plane, but I charge $50 labor for bringing them to you once you’re on. So it’s in your best interests to take one now. Can you tell I’m a happy person?
–LaGuardia
Chick: I’m not even gonna try applying for a Gap card; they’ll never give it to me. I don’t know what it is about Gap; they always know if you have bad credit.
–The Gap, 34th & Broadway
Overheard by: Dianora
Tween boy: What do you mean, I can’t get anything? I’m the one with a job.
–Key Food, Park Slope
Overheard by: Shack
Nancy Bass: I’m pleased to welcome David Foster Wallace to our store. Recently, in the New York Times, renowned reviewer Ma…cocoa… Kaku…chooni…?
Thereupon David Foster Wallace gave the thumbs up.
–The Strand
Philosophy professor: So you can see how the The Lord of the Rings did have some truths in it. Now, what was the ring called again, didn't it have a name or something? What was that?
Student, seriously: The precious.
–Fordham Lincoln Center
Headline by: Anna M
Runners-Up:
· “And, for Extra Credit: “What Has It Got in Its Pocketses?”” – Duncan Pflaster
· “Filthy Stupid Studentses!!!” – Parker
· “I Just Gollum Like I See ’em.” – sp
· “No, I Meant Its Elven Name” – MLL
· “The Professors Like Them Raw and Wriggling Here” – Alex
· “The Rest Of the Class Just Had to Learn to Tolerate the Smell Of Dead Fish and Dirty Loincloth” – James
White woman: Hi, are you Jermaine?
White male nurse: Do I look like a Jermaine to you?
–ER, Columbia Presbyterian
Overheard by: Ann
Headline by: Jared Rizzi
Runners-Up:
· “He’s Already Calling Himself Jasmine Before the Sex-Change Has Even Started.” – johnny-G
· “I’m Michael, Dammit!” – davey j.
· “My Name Tag Clearly Reads “Michael Jackson: Pediatrics”” – Matt T.
· “No, But How Many Male Nurses Are on Staff Here?” – Mike Duh Medic
· “You Look More Like an Asshole, but I Thought I’d Give You the Benefit Of the Doubt” – I never win
Nanny #1: Who were you named after, Paulette?
Nanny #2: My father.
Nanny #1: Oh, what was his name?
Nanny #2: Ette.
–Washington Square Park
Guy #1: Remember that time last week when I like fucking killed Frank?
Guy #2: Huh?
Guy #1: When I fucking killed Frank?
Guy #2: Who?
Guy #1: Frank.
Guy #2: Oh, ha, ha! Priceless.
–Columbia University
Girl #1: Don’t laugh while I tell you this! Channel Chris Parnell!
Girl #2: Ha, ha, ha!…I’m sorry, I have to pull a Jimmy Fallon.
–Banc Cafe, 30th & 3rd
Girl: Well, as a lesbian, it’s not something I understand…
Guy: You mean, she’s a size queen?
Girl: I didn’t say that…but I don’t get it.
Guy: I don’t get it either. I mean, I’ve slammed into someone’s cervix, and it didn’t look like that was too fun for her.
Girl: Well, I guess you have nothing to worry about.
–Under The Volcano, East 36th Street
Guy: Hey look, it’s fucking Rudolph. You gonna gimme a ride, Rudolph? You faggot.
Little girl: Yeah, all reindeers are faggots. All reindeers are faggots, you faggot reindeer.
–46th & Broadway
