60-year-old lady: You have the hottest cock I’ve seen since Woodstock 1969.
24-year-old guy: Oh, yeah?
60-year-old lady: Did you know I banged Mick Jagger?
–88th & 2nd
Overheard by: MX
60-year-old lady: You have the hottest cock I’ve seen since Woodstock 1969.
24-year-old guy: Oh, yeah?
60-year-old lady: Did you know I banged Mick Jagger?
–88th & 2nd
Overheard by: MX
Old lady: Take your coat off — it’s a hundred degrees in here!
Old man: Stop talking to me!
–Architectural Digest event, W 59th & 12th
Old lady: What did you just say?
Three-year-old: [Inaudible mumbling.]Old lady: Don’t curse, goddammit! You sound like a fucking ass!
–110th & Madison
Drunk dude: Were you in the parade just now?
Old Irish guy: You bet.
Drunk dude: That’s awesome. It seemed even more fun than the gay pride parade. But that one always freaks me out because I never know which transvestites it’s okay for me to be attracted to.
–4 train
Overheard by: Dan
Old man picks loose string off back of woman’s coat: You’ve got something there… Ah, now you’re perfect!
Woman: Oh, well, thank you!
Old man: You believe that and you’ll believe anything.
–Stromboli’s Pizza, St. Mark’s & 1st Ave
Overheard by: shankalicious
Headline by: greg
Runners-Up:
· “Like Creationism…” – Drew
· “Now hold still while I examine you for breast cancer” – Zorak
· “On an unrelated note, my penis cures cancer” – Wes Mantooth
· “Puppetmaster IV: The Rude Awakening” – Chris
· “That’s What God Said To Adam & Eve, Too” – fritzy
Barbershop music segues from the Godfather theme to an old-time jazz tune.
Old Italian barber #1: That’s nice music.
Old Italian barber #2: Yeah, we only play dead guys in here.
–Park Slope Barber Shop
Overheard by: Russ Wall
Old black man #1: I’m gonna go get a Post.
Old black man #2: A brotha reading the Post? Oh, man…
Old black man #1: Man, it’s only 25 cents. And it’s got page six!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Jill
Headline by: Dave
Runners-Up:
· “Hahaha…wait…black people? READING?” – pants
· “I always sleep under that one” – Mike B
· “Judge me not by the color of my skin but by the content of my paper” – nyinsf
· “That’s the quilted page” – N. A. Cargo
Old woman laughing for no apparent reason: We seem like we’re on something!
–52nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Bo Vanderpants
Chick: He’s not a stalker, he’s just this old guy who follows me home.
–Fried Dumpling
Very old lady to another: Last time you fell down it cost 10 thousand dollars.
–Central Park
Teen guy to two pals: Think about an 80-year-old woman. How many dicks has she seen in her lifetime? A lot.
–Ground Zero
Old woman to car with right of way turning into intersection: Just keep driving, you fucking maniac! It’s fucking Christmas, you bastard!
–54th & 3rd
Overheard by: cordy
Woman outside stall: I’m throwing my dad a birthday party because he’s turning 90 and he’s not dead yet.
–Restroom, Jane restaurant, W Houston, between LaGuardia & Thompson
Overheard by: Colleen!
Old lady, about old guy with walker: We’ll be going to that funeral soon.
–West Way Cafe
Overheard by: EmilyPicard
Ragged old black guy with wad of cash in hand, teasing: You gonna let me cut the line, right?
Clerk: Please get on the end of the line.
Ragged old black guy: I’ma buy me that 250-dollar Blue Label up there. You gonna let me get on the front of this line, right?
Clerk: [Ignores him.]Ragged old black guy: 250 dollars for Blue Label for me to get drunk and run over some kids!
–Liquor store, 23rd & Park
Overheard by: Baby G
Granny: Be careful!
Man jaywalking with several bags in hand: Ma, I know how to walk the streets in New York. [Car comes to screeching halt in front of him and honks. Man yells to driver] Fuck you! [To granny] See, I’m fine.
–Main St, Flushing
Overheard by: a fully certified ny pedestrian
