Tourist #1: You know that song that Billy Strayhorn wrote, called “Take The A Train”? He wrote it about taking the A train up to Harlem, and then he gave it to Duke Ellington. The rest is history.
Tourist #2: Who’s Duke Ellington?
Tourist #1: Never mind!
–A train
Twentysomething girl #1: Why didn’t you go in his room and see if he was home?
Twentysomething girl #2: So I could go in there and see him with his dick out? Porn all over the place, passed out like he exhausted himself? I’m good. No thanks.
–33rd St. PATH train
Overheard by: Teen
Man: I’m getting my hair cut really short, I think.
Woman: I don’t think that will ever happen. You’re like Goliath with your hair.
Man: You mean Sampson.
Wonan: Who? Oh, is that who it is?
Man: Yeah, I’m not a giant.
–N train
Frat boy #1: Dude! So if you had a pencil, and she was naked, you could totally fit the pencil in the folds under her ass. She’s just flappy, man!
Frat boy #2: Yeah, dude!
–2 train
Hipster guy on cell: So you like the kid more than the pussy?
–15th & Washington Sq. W
Overheard by: Joelseph Galasso
Conductor: Grand Central, coming soon to a station stop near you.
–Metro-North, 125th St.
Overheard by: A Dedicated Commuter
Man talking to himself: Automated cartoon movie life. I don’t want it.
–45th & 6th
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Toddler girl: Penis!
–The Time Warner Center
Overheard by: Ally
Guy talking to two male friends: Shut up! Shut the fuck up! If you don’t want to put your dick in my mouth, that’s OK, but shut up!
–Downtown A train platform, W. 4th St
Overheard by: miss professor
Hipster guy on phone: No, no, no, no that is the sound that they said my penis made when it died.
–Morgan & Grattan, East Williamsburg
Mature woman to mature husband, going in to see The Light in the Piazza: Piazza — it means “little pizza.”
–Beaumont Theatre, Lincoln Center
Girl on cell: … a roma tomato, lime… I mean lemon, either one… omigosh, this is the wrong number! [hangs up]
–Staten Island Ferry
Guy: [something in Spanish]… how do you say “altar boy”? You know, the ones whose little dicks the priest sucks?
–7th & Ave A
Overheard by: Jenny B
