Oh! The Fucking Places You’ll Go!

Conductor: Everything’s running normal this weekend.
Black woman: Everything runnin’ normal this weekend? Shit, I could take this train to fuckin’… fuckin’ anywhere!

–Q train

Overheard by: office peon

Headline by: Marc

Runners-Up:

· “Alice in Wonderland, New York Style” – Anastasia Poushkareva

· “Around the Hood in Eighty Days” – ad neal

· “I Meant My Colon” – I Got Real Mail

· “Just a fuckin’ small town girl, livin’ in a fuckin’ lonely world…” – karaoke queen

· “Transfers available to up your ass and go fuck yourself.” – mark manne

· “Why Reading Rainbow and drugs don’t mix” – mike

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on October 18, 2015
Black People, Conductors, Headline Contest Winners, Insults, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Wishes & desires, Women

Always Screaming When Bert Comes Inside Him

Man: Bert was a lot quieter than Ernie.
Woman: This train is a lot quieter than Ernie.
Man: Nine-eleven was a lot quieter than Ernie.

–1 train

Overheard by: DL

Posted on October 17, 2015
Couples, On the Subway, Talking/Convos

If Only the Conductor Could Hear That Witty Retort…

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, there is a smoke condition at Chambers Street. We will be delayed pulling into 42nd Street.
Teen boy: What the fuck is a smoke condition? My mom has a smoke condition. Subways don’t.

–1 train

Posted on October 16, 2015
Conductors, Guys, On the Subway, Parents, Public Transportation, Teens

Isn't Learning About Other Cultures Fun?

(little Asian girl giggles and makes snorting noise)
Park Slope mom to daughter: She's making a pig noise, Charlotte! Can you show her your pig noise?
(little Asian girl snorts again)
Park Slope mom: I think she's going to hock something up.

–F Train

Overheard by: Russ Wall

Posted on October 14, 2015
Animals & Nature, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Default, Moms, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Weirdness

Brooklyn Has Its Failings, But ‘Third World Country’ Is a Little Harsh

Texan dude: Have you ever noticed how everyone on this train is small?
Female companion: Hunh.
Texan dude: Maybe it’s ’cause they come from third world countries. Malnourished and stuff.

–L train, Grand

Overheard by: Joe Roumeliotis

Posted on October 13, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Friends, Global Geography, On the Subway, Rednecks

If You Want a Taste Of the Rainbow, Go for It!

Teenage Spanish girls: Mister, mister! Where'd you get that belt?
Guy: (mumbles)
Girl #1: You know that's the gay belt, right? That belt is gay, yo.
Guy: (shakes head)
Girl #2: Yeah, that's the gay belt. You better take that shit off! Are you gay?
Guy: (shakes head)
Girl #1: Then take that shit off man! You can't have a gay belt. What store did you get it at? Didn't they tell you when you bought it? Mister, you better return that shit to the store!
Girl #3: Maybe he's bi. Hey mister, it's okay if you're bi. I mean, I like eating pussy.

–Uptown N Train

Overheard by: Jeff

Posted on October 11, 2015
Advice, Clothing, Default, Eating Out, Foreigners, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, On the Subway, Teens

Wednesday One-Liners Are Always PC

Young teen girl: I've done cybersex so often I forgot how to type with two hands.

–A Train

Suit on cell: I have nothing to blog about. I have nothing to video blog about. Man, yesterday I had to force myself to tweet!

–Uptown 4 Train

Overheard by: cowgirly

Girl selling peaches to another: Yeah, my dad was so unsympathetic when I told him my computer crashed that I went straight to the Apple store and charged a new hard drive to his credit card. I was really proud of myself.

–Fort Greene Farmers Market

Overheard by: Morning Glory

Teenage girl to friend: I don't see why we're even here. We could see all this stuff on the internet for free.

–Metropolitan Museum

Overheard by: Derek

Posted on October 10, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Computer, Free stuff!, Friends, Girls, Internet, Masturbation, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Sex, Shopping, Suits, Teens, The Met, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle Of Wednesday One-Liner!

Dude in full garb on Halloween, clearly losing the argument to his friends: But it's not a foreign object to a pirate!

–East Village

Overheard by: chris k

Girl wearing duct tape cat ears on the fountain in Columbus Circle: I have been crowned the pirate queen!

–Columbus Circle

Guy in business casual to woman in business casual: Yeah, that's the thing about parrots. If they smell smoke and you open their cage, they are outta there. Screw that pirate.

–Uptown 3 Train

Young woman on cell: Those pirates are soooo thin.

–9th Ave & 47th St

Posted on October 9, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Diet/Weight, Friends, Girls, Guys, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Sensory Experiences, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

I Notice You Didn't Deny It

Asian girl to friends: What I need is to find a banker.
(Asian banker walks by)
Asian girl: Hey, you. Are you a banker?
Asian banker: Why don't you wait 5 years, lose 10 pounds, and then give me a call?

–N Train

Posted on October 8, 2015
9 to 5-ers, Age/Aging, Asians, Diet/Weight, Friends, Girls, On the Subway, Questions

All the Streets Look Alike to Me

Asian girl #1: Where exactly in Chinatown are we going?
Asian girl #2: I have no clue.

–Downtown 1 train

Overheard by: lauren

Posted on October 6, 2015
Asians, NYC Geography, On the Subway

On the Subway