Guy #1, entering cafe, to tourist holding door: I'm not giving you a fucking tip!
Guy #2, quietly: You're welcome.
(woman comes in, guy #2 holds door again, woman nods politely)
Woman: You're not from round here, are you?
Guy #2, in British accent: Apparently.
–5th Ave
Overheard by: Calas
Guy #1: Witty is so overrated.
Guy #2: I think witty is very Manhattan.
–Brooklyn
Raging hipster: Take back New York!
80-year-old woman: Oooh, shove it.
–Coney Island
Overheard by: sen
Promoter, stopping college girls: Hey, do you girls like comedy?
Girls: (silence)
Promoter: Where are you two from?
(they look at each other, don't say anything)
Promoter: Helloooo? Where are you from?
(no reply)
Promoter: Are you guys retarded?!
(they storm off)
Girl #1 to girl #2: God! Someone would never say that to us in LA!
–Times Square
Overheard by: just visiting
Co-ed: Excuse me, would you mind moving over so my friend and I can sit together?
Guy in Yankees cap: I ain't moving. You can find somewhere else to sit.
Bystander: Whoa, dude, the girl just wants to sit with her friend. Why are you being rude to her?
Guy in Yankees cap: It's my seat. I don't want to move. It's my right.
Bystander: I thought you were a Yankees fan.
Guy in Yankees cap: End of discussion.
Bystander: I thought you were a Yankees fan. You're a Yankees fan and you treat ladies like that?
Guy in Yankees cap: I ain't moving. End of discussion.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Guy #1, watching man bleeding on pavement: Dude, we should help that guy.
Guy #2: Forgetaboutit.
Guy #1: Ha! You're so right! I love New York.
–Queens
Frustrated hobo: I don't know where y'all are from, but where I come from people acknowledge each other.
Suit: We're from New York.
–S Train
Old couple to couple seated at a two-person table: Mind if we sit here? (old woman slides into the booth next to the seated woman, old man places tray on table)
Seated couple: Uh… No… (they stand up and leave)
–Cafeteria, The Met
Overheard by: Uncomfortable
Stewardess: Welcome to New York, and on behalf of United Airlines we'd like to thank you for choosing us. Once again, this really is New York.
–La Guardia Airport
Pilot: Ladies and gentleman, we're going through some turbulence. Make sure you are seated with your belts fastened. I will get back to you when we start our descent. (noise in the intercom) This is not looking good.
–Near JFK Airport
Overheard by: We managed to land…
Stewardess on flight leaving for Chicago: Now, I realize that most of you have the following safety video memorized. However, you never know if the person sitting next to you is a first time flier, particularly safety-conscious, or an FAA inspector.
–La Guardia International Airport
Flight attendant, over PA: There will be no smoking aboard this flight. Alaska Airlines is a completely smoke-free airline…and, frankly, it's just bad for your health.
–Flight to Newark Airport
Overheard by: wink
Flight attendant: Sorry, guys, but we're still waiting on one more passenger. (pause) How many of you think we should just leave him? (half the passengers raise their hands) New Yorkers, New Yorkers…
–JFK to Ft. Lauderdale Flight
Frazzled suit: I just spilled my entire coffee!
Fat man in apron working the counter, pointing to sign: No free refills.
–Coffee Shop, Lower East Side
Overheard by: Danielle
