The Gates Changed New York Forever

Elderly woman: Excuse me, do you know where 81st Street is? We’re trying to get to the highest point in the park to see The Gates.

A NYer points out the way. After she leaves, he says: I’m pretty sure I gave her the wrong directions, but I think she’s high enough.

–The Ramble

Overheard by: Nathan K. Claus

Guy: Man, this will really put New York back on the map.

–The Gates

Suit: Excuse me, I wanted to ask you about your [big orange] wig. Are you advocating your support for The Gates or are you commenting on how crazy and trivial they are?
Guy: Uh…what wig?

–The Gates

Overheard by: Greg Rutter

Boy: Mom! Was that “art”?
Mother: No, Michael. That was laundry.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Darko Vraither

Old woman #1: Isn’t it lovely?
Old woman #2: Well, I wouldn’t call it art, but I’m certainly glad New York has something to amuse it during the month of February.

–MoMA roof

Overheard by: Michael Bracy

Posted on July 17, 2020
Arts & Letters, Directions, Fashion, NYC Geography, Only in New York, Questions, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Where Else Can You Get Labia Jewelry on the Street?

Man selling glasses on the street: Would you like a piercing today?
Woman on phone: Hang on… What?
Man selling glasses: Would you like to get a piercing today?
Woman: Would I like a…? No, I would not like to get a piercing today. (back into phone) I love New York.

–St. Mark's St

Overheard by: Logan

Posted on June 23, 2020
Fashion, Offers and requests, On Cell, Only in New York, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Women

Many of Us Are Even at Jim’s Level

Yuppie mom #1: Can you believe that there are people living in this city who make under two hundred thousand dollars?
Yuppie mom #2: Really?
Yuppie mom #1: Yes, I’d never do that. I wouldn’t want to live like a Huckleberry Finn.

The conversation then got too low for me to hear after they saw I was eavesdropping and giving them the evil eye.

–Riverside Park

Posted on April 25, 2020
Arts & Letters, Books & Writing, Moms, Money & Class, Only in New York, People, Places, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Yuppies

Non-Recyclable Wednesday One-Liners

Conductor: Please throw away your newspapers and garbage in the trash cans on station platforms and know that the trash cans can only hold two human bodies at a time.

–LIRR

New York Post guy: New York Post! Free New York Post! (hands huge stack of papers to passerby) Thanks, brother. Just throw the rest in the trash can down the block.

–40th & 6th

Carriage driver to horse: You see that chestnut? That's called "Eurotrash."

–Central Park South

Overheard by: Andy

Giant old man to screaming and jumping children: You look like Garbage Pail Kids. Stop it.

–Madison & Nostrand, Brooklyn

Overheard by: g

Conductor: Please place anyone who has become garbage en route in the appropriate receptacle.

–R Train

Overheard by: Jess

Woman walking down the street with a small bag of garbage: Fuck it. (drops bag of garbage nonchalantly, keeps walking)

–W 19th

Posted on April 18, 2020
Brooklyn, Central Park, Cleanliness, Conductors, Default, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, Offers and requests, Old People, Only in New York, Pop Culture, Public Transportation, Trains Not Subway, Women, Words

Scenes from the Strike

Suit: Where are you going?
Guy: Why does it matter to you? I never got in someone else’s cab before.
Suit: How about an area: Midtown, Downtown, West Side?
Guy: Maybe if you got into a cab on a downtown avenue and not 2nd Avenue, you would have your own cab.

–Cab, 75th & 2nd

Overheard by: The front seat

Posted on April 9, 2020
Guys, Only in New York, Suits, Upper East Side

If the Light’s Purple, You’re Crossing Over

Bike guy: The light’s red. Move out of the way.
Woman: Fuck you. I don’t care if the light’s purple, bitch. I cross when I want!

–20th & 8th

Posted on March 5, 2020
Assholes, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Comebacks, Guys, Insults, Only in New York, Women

Reader Poll: Should Meth Be Required for Tourists?

13-year-old brunette to tourists: Argh! Move!
13-year-old redhead: These people need to learn the ethics of jaywalking.

–Times Square

Overheard by: emma

Posted on February 5, 2020
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Anger Management, Crime and Punishment, Only in New York, Teens, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists

When We Took Your Wallet and Divided It Up Amongst Us, for Instance.

Drunk guy in full New Year regalia: Well, I'm from fuckin' Pennsylvania and I never seen anything like this! This shit is fantastic! Woo!
Irritated sober woman: Really? No one on this train had any idea you weren't from New York!

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on February 3, 2020
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Celebrations/Parties, Compliments, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, On the Subway, Only in New York, Strangers, Women

Starring Bernie Madoff As the Wicked Witch Of the West…

Hipster to 50-something tourist who is blocking the way: Hey, lady, where you from?
Woman, proudly: Kansas.
Hipster: Well, Dorothy, this is not Kansas. This is Times Square, New York City, now get the fuck out of the way! (crowd cheers)

–Times Square

Overheard by: G-man

Posted on July 31, 2019
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Hipsters, Insults, Laughter, Midwesterners, Only in New York, Questions, Times Square, Tourism

Isn’t It One of the Words on the Statue Of Liberty?

Student: I tried to write my Spanish essay but I don’t know how to say “bitch” in Spanish.
Professor: You live in New York and you don’t even know that?

–Brooklyn College

Overheard by: Guy

Posted on July 11, 2019
Brooklyn, Brooklyn College, Default, Education, Insults, Languages, Only in New York, Students, Teachers/Professors, Words

Only in New York