Suit: Hey, do you have a light?
Polite Englishman: Sorry, I don’t smoke.
Suit: I asked for a light, not your fucking life story.
–Times Square
Overheard by: English, not polite
Suit: Hey, do you have a light?
Polite Englishman: Sorry, I don’t smoke.
Suit: I asked for a light, not your fucking life story.
–Times Square
Overheard by: English, not polite
Cop: You gotta keep moving.
Vagrant: But it's free…it's a free…
Cop: No. It ain't.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Jason Scott
Date: Tue, 2 Aug 2005 11:51:21 -0700
From: Google AdSense
To: [email protected]
Subject: Google AdSense Account Status
Cc: Google AdSense
Hello Steven,
Thank you for your interest in Google AdSense. After reviewing your application, our program specialists have found that it does not comply with our policies. Therefore, we’re unable to accept you into Google AdSense at this time.
We did not approve your application for the reasons listed below. If you are able to resolve these issues, please feel free to reply to this email for reconsideration when you have made the changes.
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[Surely they don’t mean “nigga”? –Ed.]Guy: You go ahead, take that seat.
Girl: No, that’s okay, I’m getting off soon.
Guy: So am I! Take it.
Hobo: What’s all this nicey-nice bullshit? Where are we, fucking Michigan? Fucking England?
–1 train
Overheard by: Emily Borgen
Professor: So what do we know about these debt notes?" (silence) So what do *I* know about these debt notes, that obviously you don't know?
–NYU Law School
Overheard by: Ames
Professor: My favorite words to hear are "just do nothing." My second favorites are "open bar."
–College of Mount Saint Vincent, Bronx
Environmental history professor: Look at some of the items on this menu from a hotel of Chicago Thanksgiving dinner from 1872: loin of buffalo, antelope steak in mushroom sauce, ham of bear, black tail deer, leg of mountain sheep, buffalo tongue… Miss Palin, your table is ready.
–Classroom, Fordham University
Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand
Linguistics professor, about Spanish-speaking families who live in Spanish-speaking neighborhoods: The only English these people hear is from their landlords and social workers.
–NYU Silver Center
Overheard by: Latka Hero
NYU professor: So we're going to be walking, and you'll notice I walk pretty fast. But we're in New York, and you're supposed to walk like you know exactly where you're going in life and nothing is in your way. Because if you slow down you'll get mugged. (beat) It's dog eat dog, people.
–NYU Classroom
Russian literature professor: Oh my god, you just totally missed the point of Jesus!
–NYU Classroom
NYU guy to tourist friends: Well, here's Grand Central!
–Broadway & Waverly
Guy on Sidekick to another: I wasn't sure if he was talking about Buffalo or Baltimore! I mean, I don't even know where Buffalo is! Is it a state?
–1 Train
Overheard by: amalthya
Ditzy girl sobbing on cell: You don't understand! They told me I was supposed to go to Penn Station but I just don't know where that is!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: queenofscots
Guy on cell: I don't get it–why go all the way to Ireland if you're not going to go see Stonehenge?
–Costco, Brooklyn
Girlfriend to boyfriend: Is this Times Square?
–85th & 1st
Overheard by: Special K
Crazy guy gasps: Help! [No one moves.] I said, ‘Help‘!
Chick on cell: He said, ‘Help.’
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Nicole
Suit: That's why I can't help but love New York. New York is like the sick uncle that touches you when no ones around.
–Grand Central Terminal
Girl, after passing a tourist bumping into her: In New York we say "excuse me!"
–Macy's, Herald Square
Overheard by: The City Planner
Guy to friend: Are we in the inner city or just the city?
–1st Ave & 6th St
Dude walking out of Penn station: You know what's great about going out in New York City? You can get completely bombed and it's no big deal, because you'll probably never see those people again, you know?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: BPV
Aussie: The key to this city is to use words like "shitter."
–96th & Columbus Ave
Tourist: Excuse me, would you mind moving your bag? It’s touching my knee.
New Yorker: What the fuck! You’re not from around here, are you son?
Tourist: No sir, I’m from Richmond Virginia. Just got in this morning.
New Yorker: Yeah, no shit.
–9 train
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
L. Ron Hubtard: Do you have stress?
Man: I live in New York, what the fuck do you think? “Do I have stress?” Fuck you.
–Times Square station
Overheard by: ichi gami
