Girl looking at giant sculpture of baby just out of the womb: Is that a penis, Mommy?
Mother: No. That’s an umbilical cord, not a penis.
–Brooklyn Museum
Girl looking at giant sculpture of baby just out of the womb: Is that a penis, Mommy?
Mother: No. That’s an umbilical cord, not a penis.
–Brooklyn Museum
Black tween girl: So, Jared was like, ‘What? You want a pizza party?’ and I said, ‘No, I want a party that I can pop, lock, and drop in.’ And then she goes, ‘Girl, I can pop and lock, but if I drop, I’ll drop.
–59th & Lex N/R/W stop
Overheard by: koala
Drunk guy on cell: What? Yeah, it’s always a great party… Hmmm… Let me think of who I have to sleep with to get you an invite…
–34th & 3rd
20-ish chick: I was telling the girls about how his cock unfurls like one of those party blowers, and then they happened to have those blowers at the New Year’s Eve party we went to, so I tormented them with one all night.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: McFreaky
Late-30s guy: I’m the kind of guy who goes to parties and brags about my perky corneas.
–House party, S 8th St, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred
Guy on cell: Well, the funeral was Tuesday… Yeah, the party was that night.
–10th & 2nd
Overheard by: Suzz
Barbie type to tourist pals: It sucks — you guys are like two weeks late to party with Heath Ledger.
–2nd Ave, between E 6th & E 7th St
Overheard by: Ben
Five-year-old boy pointing at large statue of naked man: Look how small his whizzer is, Mommy!
Mother: It’s not nice to point, Jake.
Five-year-old boy: But he’s not a real person… Look how small it is!
–Time Warner Center Mall
PA announcement: Passengers with over-sized packages must check them at the end of the jetway.
Traveling dude #1: I have an over-sized package… But I can’t check it, baby! Woo-hoo!
Traveling dude #2: You’re a jackass.
–LaGuardia
Overheard by: octoserge
Chick on cell: I now have people in four states wanting to see his dick.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Ladle
Man on cell: Haha, whiskey dick.
–89th & 3rd
Overheard by: Zach
Chick to guy: If your dick starts to morph, that’s a bad sign.
–Lucky 13 Saloon, Park Slope
Overheard by: Danielle
Girl, in disbelief: Your penis can shiver?!
–Lafayette & Astor
Male parks department employee on cell: Listen, Ed — you’re gonna think this is a crazy question, but I need to know what size penis you got.
–Prospect Park
Guy: Dude, I drank a shit-load, but I don’t pull my dick out of my pants in public and show it to people! Why do you do that?
–Montague St, Brooklyn Heights
Guy on cell: What?! Oh… Okay, I’ll write on your dick.
–OK Foods
Creepster #1: Oh, man! I’m scared I’d never be able to have sex again.
Creepster #2: Naw, man, it isn’t that bad. Just make sure they pierce it in the right spot.
–9th & 6th
Man to cop: I know my dick is big, but I didn’t know it was illegal.
–Yankee Stadium bathroom
Overheard by: howie ray
Guy: My penis practically has a halo right now.
–N 10th & Bedford
Australian lady: Oh, look! It’s the penis people again!
–Bodies Exhibit, South St Seaport
Girl on cell: So, wait — let me get this straight — last night you dreamed that you were coming out of the shower, looked down, and saw my head instead of your dick? … Well, was my head in the shape of a dick? … Oh, then no, that’s not weird.
–Sullivan St
Overheard by: someone needs new friends
Big black lady on cell: His penis was about as big as… Hmmm, let me see here… Probably that stop sign over there. Yeah, that looks about right.
–25th & 6th
WASP lady to friend: … And then, I mean, you save the really expensive stuff for the penis.
–89th & Madison
Overheard by: Dani
Asian girl: If you had a dick, do you think it would be big? I think mine would be big.
Irish girl: You’re, like, four-foot-eleven! How big could it be?
Asian girl: Oh, it would be big. What about you? Would your dick be big?
Irish girl: No.
Asian girl: But you’re tall! And you have big feet!
Irish girl: It’s the Irish curse.
–4th & 8th
Overheard by: knows what she means
Queer: Remember last night, when you had two dicks in your face?
Black girl: Everyone last night had two dicks in their faces.
–Gold St & Maiden Ln
Overheard by: wreckingcru
Man looking at reflection in door: Yeah, I got a big dick. Girl, you know I got a big dick. Gimme some of that pussy.
–6 train, 103rd St
Jewish girl: I swear to you, his dick wasn’t any bigger than this! This piece of cheesecake! You should have seen the look on my face!
–Murray Hill Diner
Chick on cell: The phalluses got soft and were pulled offstage…
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Thug: Girl, I know you miss my dick head, but I’m at the Apple Store!
–Tekserve, W 23rd & 6th
Man: It’s Yom Kippur, and I’m here looking at Ian McKellen’s penis.
–King Lear performance, Brooklyn Academy of Music
Overheard by: a little shocked at its size
