Asian girl: If you had a dick, do you think it would be big? I think mine would be big.
Irish girl: You’re, like, four-foot-eleven! How big could it be?
Asian girl: Oh, it would be big. What about you? Would your dick be big?
Irish girl: No.
Asian girl: But you’re tall! And you have big feet!
Irish girl: It’s the Irish curse.
–4th & 8th
Overheard by: knows what she means
Queer: Remember last night, when you had two dicks in your face?
Black girl: Everyone last night had two dicks in their faces.
–Gold St & Maiden Ln
Overheard by: wreckingcru
Man looking at reflection in door: Yeah, I got a big dick. Girl, you know I got a big dick. Gimme some of that pussy.
–6 train, 103rd St
Jewish girl: I swear to you, his dick wasn’t any bigger than this! This piece of cheesecake! You should have seen the look on my face!
–Murray Hill Diner
Chick on cell: The phalluses got soft and were pulled offstage…
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Thug: Girl, I know you miss my dick head, but I’m at the Apple Store!
–Tekserve, W 23rd & 6th
Man: It’s Yom Kippur, and I’m here looking at Ian McKellen’s penis.
–King Lear performance, Brooklyn Academy of Music
Overheard by: a little shocked at its size
Guy: Alright, bye, Corinne! Nice meeting you, Jess.
Jess: He was nice. How do you know him?
Corrine: … My hand smells like penis. Does your hand smell like penis?
–Outside Bleecker Street Bakery
Overheard by: mine didn’t
Dude #1: Did you fuck Josie yet?
Dude #2: Nah, not even a kiss.
Dude #1: I’ll tell her you have the rhino cock.
Dude #2: But then when she sees it, won’t she be disappointed?
Dude #1: That’s a valid point.
–Shake Shack
Overheard by: larry lohan
Guido: You know what it would mean if I drove a Saab? It would mean I have a big dick.
–Sheepshead Bay theater
Overheard by: sprinkles
JAP on cell: Well, if you guys need a ride I need to call Daddy and tell him to bring the Infinity, not the BMW… Wow, that sounded really JAP-y.
–49th, between 8th & 9th
Restaurant flyer guy: Why a Lamborghini costs so much we don’t know, but we do have food!
–96th & 3rd
Overheard by: Drewster
Guy: We either gotta pay the Russian drivers, threaten the Russian drivers, or kill the Russian drivers.
–Financial District
Ghetto lady: That’s the only thing you can do in a van with no air conditioning — sing.
–Maspeth & Metropolitan Ave, Brooklyn
Guy: I wish my parents had circumcised me… I want to be cut, but I can’t imagine going through the pain now.
Pal: Yeah, glad I don’t have that hanging over my head…
–NYU
Overheard by: TMan
Teen #1: So, apparently the average human vagina is only 4 inches deep.
Teen #2: No fucking way, dude.
Teen #1: Yeah, so I guess having a huge dick isn’t very helpful in that case.
Teen #2: You hear that? Your eight inches are useless!
Teen #3: Excuse me for having a bigger dick than you.
–F train
Overheard by: mystery man
Teen to friends: Yo, who is he? He can’t stop your dick from goin’ where it wants to go.
–125th St station
Overheard by: But I can…
Kid emerging from Sex Ed class: So, if we look at the penis that is Manhattan Island, your house is right on the frenulum.
–Hunter College High
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Woman on phone: I know, he’s an alright guy, it’s just that he won’t stop runnin’ his mouth. I’m telling you, we were making love and he was telling me how his freakin’ day was! I found myself wishing I had a dick just so I could stick it in his mouth and get some quiet!
–D’Agostinos, between 79th & 80th
Overheard by: BritBoy
Drunk frat boy: I’m going to miss you guys! I’m losing the greatest penis in the world!
–Bay Ridge, Brooklyn
Hobo: When life gives you lemons… you show me how big your penis is! Haha! Bet you didn’t know I was going to say that, did ya? Did ya, you cracker faggot?!
–79th & Columbus
Overheard by: not white and straight
Ghetto chick #1 in crowd: Where you going?
Ghetto chick #2: To get me some dick.
–Utopia Pkwy & Horace Harding Expwy
Overheard by: Audra
