Politics

He’s Channeling the President

Crazy guy: Yeah, I don’t have to remember. I know. What are you looking at? I’m gonna kill you, you keep it up, I’m gonna kill you. I don’t need to be no CIA, FBI, Special Agent Man, whatever the fuck you got. I battle evil! I’m gonna kill you.
Man from window: Shut up!
Crazy guy: Fuck you. I battle evil! I battle evil every day. You’re a coward. I’m gonna blow up that building. I don’t like evil. I’m a peaceful man and I battle evil.
Man from window: Go away then.
Crazy guy: I battle evil!

–10th St between 1st & A

Overheard by: A guy trying to be invisible while standing right next to the crazy guy

Homer and Apu Share All the Time

Guy #1: Did you know Bush agreed to share nuclear technology with the Indians?
Guy #2: Why do Indians need it? Oklahaoma is already a part of the US.
Guy #1: Dude, Indians as in citizens of India, a country in Asia.
Guy #2: I was never good at history.
Guy #1: You mean geography.
Guy #2: Asshole.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: margaret

That Would Be Quite Some Strike

Hobo: Spare some change?
Hipster dude: Uh, I gave some to the last guy.
Hobo: Hey man, this ain’t a unionized situation.

–34th & 7th

The Wednesday One-liners Class Struggle

Hipster girl: She was all, “Yeah, Betsy is my best friend,” and I was like, “Best friend? That is so fucking bourgeois.”

–L train

Girl: I know you made it. Look at you. You got a BlackBerry. Yeah, you made it. You got that good-smelling leather.

–Elevator, 12th & 5th

Overheard by: Thirsty Violet

Professor lady: Yes, we’ll be going into debt a lot as the semester goes on.

–Parsons School of Design

Overheard by: Ray

Teen boy: Anyone on this train wanna buy some candy? It’s not for a basketball team or something, it’s for me so I can buy more candy.

–2 train

Overheard by: Sarah

Intercom: Please take a headset before you get on the plane, because they’re free now. They’re actually free once you get on the plane, but I charge $50 labor for bringing them to you once you’re on. So it’s in your best interests to take one now. Can you tell I’m a happy person?

–LaGuardia

Chick: I’m not even gonna try applying for a Gap card; they’ll never give it to me. I don’t know what it is about Gap; they always know if you have bad credit.

–The Gap, 34th & Broadway

Overheard by: Dianora

Tween boy: What do you mean, I can’t get anything? I’m the one with a job.

–Key Food, Park Slope

Overheard by: Shack

Rush Forgot His Pills

Old man: You think Hillary Clinton could be president? You’re out
of your mind. Hillary Clinton couldn’t get arrested in a whorehouse with a fist full of fifties. She’s ugly, she’s stupid and she has a big fat ass. She’s like a Hitler in female. All right, I’ll stop now and be a gentleman.
Guy: Okay.
Old man: Any Democrat on this train who thinks Hillary Clinton could be president is masturbating in their mind. All one hundred of them.
Guy: You have a nice night.

–R train

Overheard by: Dave and Lauren

In About 20 Minutes

Guy #1: Would you like to sign a petition for the Marijuana Party?
Guy #2: Sure…So when’s the party?

–Irving Place & 15th

Overheard by: Amar

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