20-year old, passing a hobo: Dude, you smell.
Hobo: Fuck you, hipster!
20-year old: I'm not a hips…
Hobo, cutting him off: Where's your hat?
20-year old: I don't own a h…
Hobo, cutting him off: Fuck you and your hat!
–2nd Ave, East Village
20-year old, passing a hobo: Dude, you smell.
Hobo: Fuck you, hipster!
20-year old: I'm not a hips…
Hobo, cutting him off: Where's your hat?
20-year old: I don't own a h…
Hobo, cutting him off: Fuck you and your hat!
–2nd Ave, East Village
Little girl to little boy: What are you doing!?
Little boy, holding a cup of water: Nothing.
Little girl: Every time I come back your glass is full again, you're always drunk!
–181 & Broadway
Overheard by: Justaboy86
Homeless man #1: Ya don't shit where you sleep, do ya?
Homeless man #2: Dude, I don't sleep where I sleep.
–6 Train
Cop #1: Remember that shit?
Cop #2: That was some crazy shit.
Cop #3: What shit?
Cop #2: The Spiderman shit.
Cop #3: Oh, that shit.
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Caroline
NYU girl #1: Kate's done coke?
NYU girl #2: Yeah.
NYU girl #1: Really?
NYU girl #2: Yeah, but she hasn't done any with her new nose.
NYU girl #1: Oh.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Elena
Girl on cell: I would have had to study way a lot more to do better on that exam.
–72nd St & Broadway
Student: I cheated on every test in that class…I even cheated on the survey!
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Liz
Guy: I can't decide which song to listen to. (girls around him look at him quizzically) No, I normally listen to Van Halen's Right Now before a test, but this is my first exam in law school, and I want to set a precedent.
–Fordham Law School Cafeteria, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: pumpkin
Guy on phone: Yeah, normally in these situations I'd knock on my head, but I need my brain for the test today, so I'm not going to pretend it's wood.
–Ditmars & 31st St
Overheard by: Natalie
Student on phone: So what? I don't care that they're mad at me for getting pregnant again. I've got bigger things to deal with…two finals in one day.
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
Proctor: Okay, now don't leave any of the answers blank, cause it will be wrong. If you don't know, take a guess. It's like lotto: "Hey, you never know."
–New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene
Overheard by: Kristina
Man: Is this the happy train? (no reply) Oh, this is the depressed train. Who wants spare change?
–N Train
Overheard by: ellen.
Big old Russian guy: So vhy you drink? You drink ven you are happy, and you drink ven you are sad. Me, I am either happy, or I am sad. So me, I am drinking all the time!
–Deli, 83rd & York
Overheard by: Zinny
Large woman on cell: I wanted to suck away your happiness, do you understand? I just wanted to suck it away!
–Grand Central Station
Girl on cell: Yeah, no. So then he pulls the rubber duck out of his (lowers voice) ass and says he loves me. Yeah, for the first time, I was so happy…
–B Train
50-something suit on cell: So, are you coming or do you have to zombie-proof the apartment again?
–Downtown 6 Train
Youngish guy all in black: Vampires are so 90s. (female companion nods emphatically)
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Emily
Guy yelling to people dressed as zombies: Are there any fine zombies there that want to suck my dick?
–Union Square
Girl in Santa costume: Where are my fucking elves?!
–LaGuardia High School
Teen girl to friend: Well there are so many leprechauns at that school anyway, what do you really expect?
–Xavier High School
Overheard by: isa
Girl swimming in the Hudson River: I'm afraid if I take a pee, I'll get a venereal disease!
–Hudson River & 26th St
Overheard by: Nellie
(student #1 loudly hacks up a lung, while everyone else turns around in horror)
Student #2: Whoa, what do you have, chlamydia or something?
–11th Grade English Classroom, Bushwick
Overheard by: The Teacher
Angry drunk man to bemused drunk woman: I don't wanna fuck you, okay? I'm just saying I don't have genital warts!
–Ave A & Houston
Groaning guy on corner: I really don't want crabs…
–53rd & 6th
20-something woman: Everybody has issues. They're like herpes one.
–St. Mark's
Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred
Man on cell: She said I had to pay, so I shat in her mouth and left.
–34th & 5th
Three-year-old boy, looking overjoyed: I have to go poop!
–Store, 18th & Union Square West
Overheard by: i had to go, too!
Woman getting on train, giggling: I got a question…is there a pile of feces on this train?
–A Train
Elderly man on phone: Yesterday I coughed and shat my pants.
–3rd Ave & Fordham
Four-year-old boy, dancing: I like to move it, move it! I like to poop it, poop it!
–E 69th St McDonald's
Overheard by: Leslie
Brunette on cell: And then I told her, "hey hey, I'm not the fecal freak here. Don't go throwing poo at me." I mean really, I don't even like my own poo. I'm supposed to like hers?
–Williamsburg
