Old bag lady: What about you, playboy? You got any money for me?
Man: No, sorry.
Old bag lady: You sure? I can take care of your sausage. Arrangements can be made.
(she walks away)
Man, contemplative, to self: Do I really look that desperate?
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Woman #1, after train stops: Why aren't we moving?
Woman #2, leaning out of train doors: Some lady apparently saw something, so she said something.
Woman #1: Christ, you don't do that in the evening, you do that in the morning. She should know better!
–A Train
Overheard by: oneofmanymikes
Passerby to guy walking dog: Is your male dog squatting to pee?
Dog owner: I know. It's so embarrassing.
–86th St & Columbus
CVS employee: So, did you go to the gay pride parade?
Flamboyantly gay Latino man: You know, I never goes to those things, I just can't stand all the faggots.
CVS employee, with blank stare: Have a good night.
–CVS
Overheard by: wyatt
Suit: Well, why didn't you stop him? I had to get him in trouble with the deans.
Teenager: Well, it's not my fault if he wants to electrocute his nipples.
–Grand Central
Slightly older and hairier gay: So, just to be clear, you do realize that you are a total twink, right?
Slightly younger and hairless gay: Duh. And I'm gonna ride that train all the way to free-drink town.
–E Train
Girl sleeping in art class: Tony the Tiger, I wish you were real.
–LaGuardia Arts
Thug to friend: Yo, man, Tourette's is real! They've got it on MTV and everything!
–LIRR
Ditzy-sounding chick on cell: Should I buy some heart-shaped sunglasses? (pause) Why not? (pause) Should I buy some sunglasses that look like real glasses to make me look smart? (pause) Shut the hell up!
–St. Mark's Place
Guy at party: So then I said, "it takes a real man to take a nine inch cock in the ass!"
–13th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: kdub
Young woman, yelling at a bus stop ad for Bret Michael's New Rock of Love: Just stop it! You're not even a real person!
–42nd b/w 6th & 7th
Overheard by: Couldn't agree more
Man walking in to immigration center to immigration security guard: You look very elegant today.
–Immigration Application Support Center, Queens
Lady: Oh my gosh, Casey looks so good! You would never know that he's blind!
–W 20th St & 9th Ave
Overheard by: Katie AK
Slightly tipsy elderly suit: Do you know where I can find a beautiful woman? Someone to spend the rest of my life with?
–Metropolitan Museum Info Desk
A Capella group leader, walking into train: Ladies and gentlemen, happy Thursday. We are a Doo Whop group and we are here to entertain you. If you like what you hear, show us some love. If you are miserable, hell, add more fiber to your diet. This Sunday, we will be saluting the best-looking people on the subway. Have a fiberrific day!
–6 Train
Overheard by: Em Allears
Ghetto black chick after someone took a picture of her: Did you get all the beautifulness?
–Saks Fifth Avenue
Overheard by: gregumsdagreggy
Older man in crowded elevator: What does “metro” mean, anyway?
Wife, in a loud voice: Metrosexual?! Metrosexuals are men who dress well but aren't gay.
Older man: So I am a metrosexual?
Wife, still in a loud voice: No, I choose your clothes, so that doesn't count.
–Bloomingdales
Girl on A train: Why are all the signs advertising English language courses written in English?
Brother in a white hat: So people can read it, stupid!
–A Train
Overheard by: Closely Watching on the A Train
