Wednesday One-Liners Are a Lot to Swallow

Suit on cell: I've already had a blow job tonight so I don't really care what happens.

–7th St & Ave A

Overheard by: Karmenlara Seidman

Lady suit to other: What about 1994? I haven't sucked cock or watched ice hockey since 1994!

–Lion's Head, 109th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: A great man

Toothless thug: And now she wants an award for sucking my dick.

–7th Ave & 16th St

Overheard by: mattamore

Guy on cell: Look, I'm about to get on the train and lose signal so I'll sum up my argument: until I can pull out my dick and get a blowjob from any woman I want, my grudge against feminists stands. No, I don't care if it doesn't make sense. Fuck you, I'm getting on the train!

–Penn Station

Old woman to husband: Now isn't she the girl who gave him head in the Port Authority bathroom?

–Bench, Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Horrified

Girl to two hipster friends with yoga mats: Oh my god, he had to stop me while I was sucking on his dick just to tell me he likes me. Like why? Ew, why would he bother?

–Avenue B & 13th

Posted on February 25, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Bars & Clubs, BJs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Couples, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Penis, Penn Station, Politics, Public Transportation, Questions, Sports, Street, Suits, Thugs, Time, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Your Editors Grow Weary Of This Formula

Girl #1, about lady on loudspeaker: Do you think she's British?
Girl #2: Nah, she's just drunk.

–Chelsea Piers

Posted on February 23, 2009
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Language Barrier, Questions

You Can't Get Good Alien Monster Pornography Anymore

Guy with mullet #1: Did you get those two pics I sent you?
Guy with mullet #2: Actually, once I downloaded them it was a letdown. I thought that the bottom one was a cross section of an elk against glass, like some deer bodies exhibit or some other fucked shit.

–L Train

Overheard by: Zev

Posted on February 22, 2009
Animals & Nature, Compare/Contrast, Guys, Internet, On the Subway, Pictures, Questions, Weirdness

Wasn't This a Show with Sharon Osbourne?

Girl #1: Did you hear that Theresa got sent to alcohol reform?
Girl #2: No, what is that?
Girl #1: It's like a reform thing, like remedial classes, where they force you to like, do things to decrease your drinking.
Girl #2: What!?

–City College of New York

Posted on February 22, 2009
City College, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Questions, Rumor Has It

If Woody Allen Were a Hobo

Lady: How are you doing tonight?
Hobo: I'm miserable. You know I'm homeless?

–54th St & Lexington Ave

Overheard by: Seth

Posted on February 22, 2009
Comebacks, Hobos, Homeless, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Women

It's More Of a Door Than a Mask

Professor: Do you ever feel that you have a mask you put up for society, and one that is only for you?
Female student: Well…to everybody else, I seem really sociable and outgoing, but what they don't know is that I'd rather just spend a long time inside myself.

–NYU Classroom

Overheard by: queenofscots

Posted on February 22, 2009
Classroom, Compare/Contrast, NYU, Philosophy, Questions, Students, Teachers/Professors

Apparently There's Been at Least One

Girl #1: I don't think I'll be dating anyone anytime soon.
Girl #2: But why? We'll be going to college in a few months.
Girl #1: I know, but I just don't think I can settle for anything less than an Italian R&B singer.

–77th & 3rd

Posted on February 22, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Dating, Girls, Music, Questions, School and studying, Stupidity, Upper East Side

For the Last Time, That's Not What the Men's Restroom Is

Flamboyant black man #1: I just want to grab some guy and go make out in the porn room.
Flamboyant black man #2: You mean the pool room?
Flamboyant black man #1: No, the porn room…come here!

–Pop Burger, 9th Ave

Overheard by: j

Posted on February 22, 2009
Backdoor, Black People, Gays and Lesbians, Porn, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Weirdness, Words

How Religions Get Started: Explained

Girl #1: I saw Sigourney Weaver!
Girl #2: Really?
Girl #1: Yes! She walked right past me!
Girl #2: Did you die?
Girl #1: Yes, I did.
Girl #2: That's awesome.

–55th & Lexington

Posted on February 21, 2009
About Celebrities, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions

He Used to Play for the Knicks, Right?

Little boy, pointing at Obama poster: Look, mommy it's Will Smith!
Mother: No, honey, that's not Will Smith. That's…uhmmmm… (to husband) What the fuck was his name again?

–Columbia University

Posted on February 21, 2009
About Celebrities, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Dads, Insults, Kids, Moms, Names, President, Questions, Should've Used a Condom, Stupidity

Questions