Drunk chick: We are in the business together, so you give me your project and I’ll give you a fuck.
Guy: A fuck?
Drunk chick: Yeah, ’cause I love my job that much…I’m like, 130%…no, wait…140% into my work.
Guy: Really?
Drunk chick: Dude, I’m all about the art.
–Employees Only, Hudson Street
Dude: Wait, who’s Pete?
Chick: Pete’s the guy who’s sleeping with John’s girlfriend.
Dude: Oh, right.
–Office, 48th & 6th
Overheard by: this guy
Guy #1: You mean the roommate who sleeps naked on the top bunk?
Guy #2: No, that’s Bobby. I’m talking about Steve. He’s the one who farts all the time.
Guy #1: My bad.
–81st & Broadway
Overheard by: Dr. X
Chick: I’ve already slept with 6 professors and it’s only two weeks
into the semester.
Guy: Tell me about it. I slept with this one prof last night…he really taught me a thing or two.
–4th & Mercer
Overheard by: Timothy Leary
Guy #1: So this Jack guy is basically the luckiest man in the world.
Guy #2: Why, because he’s survived like 5 attempts on his life and it’s not even noon?
Guy #1: No; he could totally nail those two chicks.
–6 train
Chick: Are you saying you would have anal sex with my lifeless body?
Guy: No. No, I’m not. I’m insinuating it.
–111th & Broadway
Overheard by: djlindee
Asian girl: I really like sleep sex.
White girl #1: What’s that?
Asian girl: You know, when you’re sleeping and you wake up and you’re having sex. Sleep sex.
White girl #2: You mean getting raped?
–1st Avenue & 9th Street
Guy #1: So I had ex sex last night.
Guy #2: How was it?
Guy #1: Amazing as always, but now I’m fucked cause she’s gonna start calling me again.
Guy #2: Imagine that, you sleep with someone and then they call you…Crazy.
–1 train
Guy: Yeah, that’s the first thing I learned when I moved here: don’t eat street meat, it’s probably pigeon or something.
Girl #1: Yeah, I wish I could get my husband to stop eating it.
Girl #2: I don’t care what kind of meat it is as long as it’s in my mouth.
Girl #1: That’s my sister; she’s looking for a hook-up.
Girl #2: No, I’m not!
Guy: I’m married.
–Irving Plaza, Irving Place
Overheard by: Johnny Tremain
Drunk guy: Don’t you fuck with me!
Sober woman: What?
Drunk guy: You sleep with a different guy every night!
Sober woman: I do not. What are you talking about?
Drunk guy: You love…me. You want to marry…me.
Sober woman: This is ridiculous. I’ve had enough. I don’t have to take this anymore. Goodbye!
She leaves. He turns to the next table.
Drunk guy: Yeah, did you see that girl who just left? I just dumped her. Can I buy you two a drink?
–Rosie O’Grady’s, 7th Avenue
Woman: Our biggest problem with sex was that he came too fast, because he was so into me. So now he uses desensitizing condoms, and that works a lot better, especially because it takes me a really long time to have an orgasm with him.
Woman: I was really anxious, so I went to my GP and she prescribed Klonopin. That completely took my anxiety away, but then my doctor said that she didn’t feel that that was a good long-term drug. I guess I agree with that. I did take one Klonopin on the plane yesterday, but that was okay because it was just a recreational Klonopin.
Woman: Now that I’m a wife I thought I should be more proper, but it turns out he likes me slutty.
Woman: I think the most passionate sex I will ever have will be during some really passionate adulterous affair. I would have to make a really conscious decision not to have an affair; it would be like fourth-order cognition.
–Indus Valley, 100th & Broadway
