Man #1: Look at that bum. It’s 2 in the afternoon, and he’s just sleeping in a doorway.
Man #2: He’s homeless. What the fuck else is he supposed to do?
–Charlton & Hudson
Deep-voiced man: Hey, yo, SpongeBob…
Whiny-voiced woman across street: What?
Deep-voiced man: SpongeBob Squarepants…
Whiny-voiced woman: What?
Deep-voiced man: Why you got a square butt?
Whiny-voiced woman: What you said?
Deep-voiced man: Why you got a square butt, SpongeBob?
Whiny-voiced woman: Shut up!
Deep-voiced man: Haha. SpongeBob Squarepants…
Whiny-voiced woman: Shut up! [Continues for ten minutes.]
–Myrtle & Carlton
Overheard by: Myrtle Resident
Hobo: Do you have any change for the homeless?
Hipster guy: I do not.
Hobo: You better check your pockets!
–Stanton & Ludlow
Overheard by: Daniel
Guy: Remember when your shit was all yellow and shit? Remember that? What happened then?
Girl: I DON’T CARE!
–Broadway & Grand
Tall 30-something: With my corporate job, I couldn't afford a studio at $1,850 per month, so then I became a dominatrix. But after a while, it takes over your life. You end up thinking "Well, I don't have anyone to beat up today, I'll just online shop." So I had to stop."
–54th St & 10th Ave, in Line for The Daily Show
Man on phone: Oh…but I thought you said to leave $500 for you to pick up. (pause) I'm sorry mistress…I'm sorry mistress.
–Broome b/w Mercer & Greene
Guy on cell in line for NJ transit bus: Call me daddy. Call me daddy! Now slap that ass. I can't hear that, slap that ass harder! Yeah, that's what I like.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Eric
Woman on cell: I'm going to spank you. Can I do that?
–Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: shelallie
Enthusiastic guy to friends: I probably could've whipped better today.
–Midtown
Overheard by: Eric
Six-year-old girl to little boys wrestling: Guys, why don't you to it to me? …cuz I don't care. My stomach hurts already. Guys, why don't you push me down? Because I like it!
–Central Park
Overheard by: nosey nafia
Ghetto store employee #1: Yo, they got people in Egypt?
Ghetto store employee #2: Yeah, they got Pizza Hut an everything. Right across the street from the pyramids an shit.
Ghetto store employee #1: Why they be eatin pizza? It’s hot in the desert they ain’t got to be eatin no hot pizza!
–Mass Produced Clothing Store, SoHo
Metro male #1: I was gonna stop smoking…again… But when I take Adderall I smoke a lot more.
Metro male #2: What's it like?
Metro male #1: Adderall?
Metro male #2: Yeah.
Metro male #1: It's like being at a bar, drunk, hitting on girls.
Metro male #2: What?
–Spring & Broadway
Overheard by: David Last
Guy #1: Is this Broadway and Houston?
Guy #2: Yes. I think we're in SoHo.
Guy #3: No, this is just Ho.
–Broadway & Houston
Overheard by: NewYorkerNick
Guy #1: Women should be kept in pods like in The Matrix. And whenever we want one, we just pay a fee and rent them for a few days for sex and cooking. Then we put them back. They shouldn't be allowed to walk the streets…ever.
Guy #2: Or they should be put in a one big room where they sew and cook and sip tea until they get a call.
Guy #1: Yeah, that's a bit more humane, I guess.
–Spring & Varick
Beer buddy #1: I have a question. You know how there are plenty of girls who won’t do oral or anal sex, right?
Beer buddy #2: No girl who I’d waste any time with, but yeah. So?
Beer buddy #1: So, statistically there must be some homosexual guys who won’t do oral or anal sex, right? I mean, just by the law of averages, there must be, right?
Beer buddy #2: So? Is this leading to some kind of hypothesis?
Beer buddy #1: Well, if a gay guy isn’t into oral or anal sex, where does he fit into the gay community?
Beer buddy #3: He could do a lot of other things. He could let other guys piss into his mouth, he could jack off onto other guys, he could do circle jerks, he could be a bukkake boy… There’s lots of stuff he could do.
Beer buddy #1: Oh, yeah. I never thought of that.
Queer at next table, getting up to leave: He could also be fitted with a leather hood, suspended from the ceiling, and taught discipline. If you want to know more, here’s my card.
–Bar, Soho
Overheard by: Big Larry
