Student: I saw my professor in the park over the weekend.
Friend: So?
Student: It was three in the morning. And he was exposed… He was peeing.
Friend: Huh. I wonder if he has tenure.
–Coles Gym, Mercer Street
Overheard by: Studying for Finals at NYU
Student: I saw my professor in the park over the weekend.
Friend: So?
Student: It was three in the morning. And he was exposed… He was peeing.
Friend: Huh. I wonder if he has tenure.
–Coles Gym, Mercer Street
Overheard by: Studying for Finals at NYU
English professor: Actually, I am from the same town as Robin Hood.
Student: Wait, have you met him?
–Eugene Lang
Student: What’s your name?
Professor: Doesn’t matter. Someday we will all be famous and anonymous.
–NYU
Overheard by: teaching the future of america
Professor: Have a good weekend! [Pause] What day is today?
Students: Monday.
Professor: Shit!
–NYU
Law student to little girl with pink balloon dog: I really like your balloon! It's so pretty!
Girl's dad: What do you say?
Little girl: Woof woof!
–79th & 2nd
Student: I feel like I'm drunk. Like when I was six.
–Middle School Dance, Spanish Harlem
Six-year-old girl: I drank beer once and I went crazy!
–Central Park
Dad, about his young son who has just run face-first into a chair: Don't worry about him, he's just drunk.
–Indian Road Cafe, Inwood
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Five-year-old boy: Next stop, wine store!
–University & 9th St
Southern college girl #1: We’re just conversing over here.
Southern college girl #2: The word is ‘conversate.’ ‘Converse’ is a shoe!
–Uptown A train
Woman to man: I know! I don't fry anything. I don't even fry my food anymore.
–47th & 6th
Overheard by: A very disturbed Newsbunny
Old Jewish woman to husband holding restaurant leftovers: It's a sin to waste that food. You could send it to Israel!
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: What a waste!
Preppy guy: At least *I'm* not the one molesting fictional cereal pitchmen.
–Park Slope, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ladle
Girl on cell, talking loudly: I don't know what I want, but whatever I want, I want French fries with it.
–John St
Preppy girl on cell: Do they study eggs? (pause) Eggs! (pause) Do they study eggs?
–Times Square
Female new student to boyfriend: You have to stop with this whole burrito-is-a-dick thing.
–6th Ave & 13th St
Overheard by: Catie
Columbia guy: So then Caroline* decided to take all of his valuables and hide them in the back room, to make it look like he’d been robbed. When he came home he, like, *freaked out* and called 911.
Columbia chick: That’s hilarious!
–114th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ein Ladle
Headline by: Mikey G.
Runners-Up:
· “And After He Killed Her, He Pretended to Do CPR!” – JesusFreak
· “And She Didn’t Check the Psycho Box on Match.com” – digruntled internet dater
· “He Didn’t Like His Anal Rape-Themed Surprise Birthday Party Either…” – Beartram
· “I Bet the “Just Kidding Your Place Wasn’t Robbed Sex” Was Awesome, Too.” – anonmouse
· “Turns Out There’s No Spot For “Masculinity” on Insurance Claim Forms” – Jamie
Middle-aged woman: I think her name was something like… Something like Charlemagne.
Barnard girl: You mean Chante?
Middle-aged woman: I was close! I was close!
Barnard girl: Yeah, I think Charlemagne was someone completely different.
–Barnard College
Overheard by: Miss Bonaparte
