Stupidity

Drunk girl on cell: What? Did you just call me a bitch?
Drunk guy five rows behind her: She called you a bitch? Kick her ass!
Drunk girl on cell : That's like…psychologically impossible.
Businessman next to her: Physically.
Drunk girl on cell to business man: Did you just call me a bitch?

–LIRR

Overheard by: Ross

Four-year-old girl to nanny: No, princesses don't get tickled. They just dance and get married.

–North Williamsburg

Overheard by: anti-feminist

White girl in hoodie: If I see any of the other girls there want to dance with you they'd better watch out, 'cause it's stab-a-slut Sunday.

–J Train

Short guy with greasy hair: Yo, this girl was like, "wanna dance?" and I was like "okay," so she started dancing mad good. She was grinding up against me with her ass.

–3rd Ave & 71st, Brooklyn

Gay guy on cell in long line during Circuit City closeout: Does it have speakers? Because I like to dance in my room, and I like to feel the music. It's really cold, so I like to dance in my room, you know?

–Circuit City, Union Square

Drunk girl to Guido she knocked heads with while dancing: I'm a drinker, not a dancer!

–Hook & Ladder Pub, Murray Hill

Overheard by: also a drinker

Professor: I'm of the personal opinion that anything counts for art. Take, for example, Nelly's "Hot in Here." We have an admonition of certain weather conditions and an entreaty for certain members of a demographic to react within a certain way, and a compliant voice replies, "I am getting so hot, I'm gonna take my clothes off." This piece of art demonstrates how much easier life would be if getting a woman naked was that easy. And also, it makes me dance, and as we know, hips don't lie.

–NYU Bobst Library

Overheard by: queenofscots

Secretary: What are you doing for Thanksgiving?
Nurse: My husband and I are going to North Carolina to visit his family. Why? What are you doing? Do you want to come with us?
Secretary: No. I can't. I don't have a passport.
Nurse: Uh.

–NYU Cancer Center

Overheard by: Destiny Traphofner

Guy #1: Yeah, I really like her but she’s already got three kids.
Guy #2: With how many guys?
Guy #1: I don’t know, three or four.

–1 train

Overheard by: crumbr

Sullen tourist teen: We’re in New York City and we’re going to fucking Uno’s for dinner?
Tourist mom: Please watch your language. Your father wants to go to Uno’s.
Sullen tourist teen: But we’re in New York. Why are we going somewhere we can go at home?
Tourist dad, adamantly: Because New York restaurants have rats. We’re not going to a New York restaurant!

–Museum of Natural History steps

Drunk girl #1: Oh my God I so know what you are talking about! Wait, you guys were talking about anal sex right?
Drunk girl #2: Uh no, we stopped talking about guys ten minutes ago.

–Red Sky, E. 29th Street

Customer: Are any of your soups vegetarian?
Soup guy: Yes, the lentil and vegetable soups are.
Customer: I don’t trust you.
Soup guy: I make the soups.
Customer: Well, I just don’t trust you.
Soup guy, to next customer: Can I help you?
Customer: Hang on now, I still don’t trust you!

–Pax, 40th & 6th Ave

60-ish mother to two kids: There are two movies playing we should go to before they stop showing them — Casino Royale and Apocalypto Now.
Kid #1: Uh, yeah, Mom.

–PATH train

Overheard by: Serene Demeanor

Guy: Hey, you`ve been reading that book for a long time.
Girl: It’s a good book. It’s my dad’s. He already finished it. He’s reading mine.
Guy: What’s it called?
Girl: Children of Cain.
Guy: What’s Cain?
Girl: I don’t know. Dad?
Dad: I think it’s from the Bible.
Guy: Ah.
Mom: Cain was from the Bible, he was one of two brothers. And I believe he did something naughty.

–Metro-North train

Cute girl #1: You opened her mail?!
Cute girl #2: No… Jesse opened it. He thought it was one of those stupid dentist card things they send in the mail.
Cute girl #1: At least you'll have a conversation starter next time you talk to her.
Cute girl #2: Oh, yeah. What am I suppose to say? “So, your pap/cervix test was positive?”?

–Bay Ridge