Hobo: There’s an earthquake coming! Get up above ground!
Tourist girl: Oh my god! Was he serious?!
–C train platform, Times Square
Overheard by: caiiya
Hobo: There’s an earthquake coming! Get up above ground!
Tourist girl: Oh my god! Was he serious?!
–C train platform, Times Square
Overheard by: caiiya
Thug teen with high voice: I didn’t say, ‘Scratch the inside of your butthole.’ I said, ‘Scratch the inside of your asshole.’
Lady friend: What’s the difference?
Thug teen with high voice: ‘Butthole’ make it sound nice and almost innocent. ‘Asshole’ make it sound downright nasty.
–UA movie theater, Sheepshead Bay
Overheard by: The Bling
Woman: Breastfeeding her baby is not the same as taking a shit.
Man: Yeah, it is. It’s like shitting in the baby’s mouth.
–3rd & 2nd
Man holding St. Patrick’s day hat and necklace: Can I get these two for three dollars?
Street vendor: The hat itself is eight dollars! You’re not a bargaining person, are you?
Man: No, I’m from Canada.
–44th & 6th
Overheard by: Parade Spectator
Yuppie girl: Sometimes I feel like it would be fun to live in the projects.
Yuppie guy: Uh, why?
Yuppie girl: Everybody knows each other — it’s like summer camp.
Yuppie guy: But they shoot each other.
Yuppie girl: Yeah — summer camp, but with guns.
–99th & 3rd
Overheard by: Dan
Puerto Rican girl: Yea, he’s Dominican and half black… But not really black, because he’s not loud or obnoxious and doesn’t dress like it.
Friend: So, he’s that good black?
Puerto Rican girl: Right. He’s not even really black at all!
–1 train
Overheard by: CG
Woman: I’m going to get some water.
Friend, pointing to basket of water bottles: How about this?
Woman: No, I don’t like that water. It’s too watery. I like Poland Spring.
–Starbucks, 43rd & 8th
Man #1: The only thing I don’t like about the job is all the lying I have to do.
Man #2: Yeah, but you’re a salesman.
Man #1: Yeah, I know.
–34th & 8th
Overheard by: daver
Dude on cell: I said I was born at night. I didn’t say I was born last night. I’m not stupid.
–Manhattan Mall
Bushwick native: We’ve got idiots wrapped in morons all over the place around here!
–L train shuttle stop, Morgan Ave
Overheard by: Erin Partridge
Woman to little girl: To be perfectly honest it just makes you look dumb, because you can only spell backwards.
–Times Square
Overheard by: mark
Mother to young son: When you grow up please don’t be like stupid people.
–A/C/E platform, 14th St station
Overheard by: Josh Barro
Chatty woman: I can’t ask my sister anything. She is such an idiot. She had a baby and it made her stupid.
–LIRR
Overheard by: pretending to be sleeping
College chick #1: … And then three guys almost raped her.
College chick #2: Three?! Did they take turns?
College chick #1: Oh, they took turns.
College chick #2: Taking turns is for lame rapists.
–120th & Claremont
Overheard by: invisiblemooses
