Man holding St. Patrick’s day hat and necklace: Can I get these two for three dollars?
Street vendor: The hat itself is eight dollars! You’re not a bargaining person, are you?
Man: No, I’m from Canada.
–44th & 6th
Overheard by: Parade Spectator
Man holding St. Patrick’s day hat and necklace: Can I get these two for three dollars?
Street vendor: The hat itself is eight dollars! You’re not a bargaining person, are you?
Man: No, I’m from Canada.
–44th & 6th
Overheard by: Parade Spectator
Yuppie girl: Sometimes I feel like it would be fun to live in the projects.
Yuppie guy: Uh, why?
Yuppie girl: Everybody knows each other — it’s like summer camp.
Yuppie guy: But they shoot each other.
Yuppie girl: Yeah — summer camp, but with guns.
–99th & 3rd
Overheard by: Dan
Puerto Rican girl: Yea, he’s Dominican and half black… But not really black, because he’s not loud or obnoxious and doesn’t dress like it.
Friend: So, he’s that good black?
Puerto Rican girl: Right. He’s not even really black at all!
–1 train
Overheard by: CG
Woman: I’m going to get some water.
Friend, pointing to basket of water bottles: How about this?
Woman: No, I don’t like that water. It’s too watery. I like Poland Spring.
–Starbucks, 43rd & 8th
Man #1: The only thing I don’t like about the job is all the lying I have to do.
Man #2: Yeah, but you’re a salesman.
Man #1: Yeah, I know.
–34th & 8th
Overheard by: daver
Dude on cell: I said I was born at night. I didn’t say I was born last night. I’m not stupid.
–Manhattan Mall
Bushwick native: We’ve got idiots wrapped in morons all over the place around here!
–L train shuttle stop, Morgan Ave
Overheard by: Erin Partridge
Woman to little girl: To be perfectly honest it just makes you look dumb, because you can only spell backwards.
–Times Square
Overheard by: mark
Mother to young son: When you grow up please don’t be like stupid people.
–A/C/E platform, 14th St station
Overheard by: Josh Barro
Chatty woman: I can’t ask my sister anything. She is such an idiot. She had a baby and it made her stupid.
–LIRR
Overheard by: pretending to be sleeping
College chick #1: … And then three guys almost raped her.
College chick #2: Three?! Did they take turns?
College chick #1: Oh, they took turns.
College chick #2: Taking turns is for lame rapists.
–120th & Claremont
Overheard by: invisiblemooses
20-something girl: You know, it’s just not in Donna… It’s just not in her hema-… hema-… What’s it called? It’s just not in her hematoma to be cool.
Friend: Totally! I know! No matter how she cuts her hair at any age she’ll just never look good.
–86th & 3rd
Overheard by: Abby
Suit: I was up in Toronto last week. It was nice, but it was really cold.
Guy: Yeah, it’s beautiful up there, but they get winter really early. It’s like that Shakespeare line, ‘It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.’
Suit: [Befuddled silence.]
–LIRR into Penn Station
Overheard by: It was Dickens, DickWad
Ignorant mom: Why do you have all that hair on your head? Are you a Jew?
Poor kid: Yes!
Ignorant mom: You’re not a Jew! You do not practice Jew-ism.
–A train
Overheard by: A Devout Jesus-ist
