Threeway One-Liners

Sulky waitress at family restaurant, complaining about management: I could be home right now having a threesome, but Chris won't let me leave.

–Astoria, Queens

Overheard by: Inkling

35-year-old camp Asian man on cell: Yo, girl! (pause) Hell no, I have no idea what shit went down last night. (pause) Oh-em-gee! All I know is I woke up with five guys.

–R Train

Overheard by: Abby and Holly

20-something college boy: I mean, there's no "I" in "threesome."

–Union Square

Guy to his friends: Yeah, I haven't decided what guy I would tag-team a girl with yet.

–Hairy Monk, 25th & 3rd

African American guy to hipster girl: It was the worst orgy I've ever been to. Nothing but kids and clothes everywhere you looked.

–48th St & Broadway

Overheard by: RevLina, The Pain-Proof Girl

Posted on January 25, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Astoria, Baristas, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Frat Boys, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Orgy, Parks, Sexuality, Street, Stupidity, Three is Company, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One-liners Subway Scenes

MTA guy: Let ’em off, let ’em off. It’s just like sex, you gotta get it out to get it in.

–1 train

Overheard by: Andrew Litwin

Posted on January 23, 2022
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Anger Management, Health and Hygiene, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, One-liners, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Stupidity, Subway conductors, The Village, Union Square and East Village

Sadly, the Wart, Green Skin, and Pointed Hat Were Effectively Invisible Compared with the Limp Wrist, Sashaying Hips, and Love of Shoes

Girl #1: Wow, look at all the babies out here!
Polish queer: Mmm… dinner.
Girl #2: What?
Polish queer: I’m just living up to the stereotype…. Witches? Eating babies?
Girl #2: Oh! I thought you meant Polish people!
Guy: I thought you meant gay people!

–Great Lawn, Central Park

Overheard by: Caroline

Posted on January 22, 2022
Babies, Central Park, Food, Foreigners, Gays and Lesbians, Idiots, Queer guys, Stupidity, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!

Sadly, This Makes Logical Sense

Guy: Yeah, I was in jail and got my Associate’s.
Girl: Yeah? Was it free?
Guy: 20 dollars or something.
Girl: Damn! I’m gonna be paying school loans forever! I should go to jail!

–Wai Cafe, 17th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: 167girl

Posted on January 19, 2022
Education, Girls, Guys, Idiots, Money & Class, Prison, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Time

Wednesday One-Liners Get Some Pussy

Hipster chick with "valley girl" accent: Ya, like, ohmigod, ewwwwww… So I was reading Cosmo, and like, there was this story, about like, guys' confessions, you know? And like, this random guy actually said, like, "Sometimes, I rub my dick on my cat's fur, and it feels good."

–Washington Square Park

10-year-old girl to another: I bet his idea of a hot girl is the crazy cat lady across the street.

–34th St, Astoria

Overheard by: Samantha

Woman to another: I have a friend in Belgium now–we both have cats!

–One World Financial Center

Overheard by: macgeekgrl

Brunette on phone: Do you want to play with your cat or do you want to play with me?

–60th St b/w Park & Madison

Overheard by: Adam B.

20-something on cell: And when I woke up, I had no idea where I was. Then I realized I was spooning his cat.

–Houston & Broadway

Overheard by: J Cox

Posted on January 17, 2022
Astoria, Beastiality, Bimbettes, Friendship, Gay Man's Best Friend, Girls, Hipsters, Kids, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Penis, Physical appearance, Pop Culture, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Use a Wednesday, So You Don't Get One-Linered Up

Man helping woman carry stroller down stairs: If you had taken the bloody pill when you said you were taking it, we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place.

–Broadway-Lafayette B/D/F/V Station

Overheard by: Jon A.

Man walking with girlfriend, loudly: Wait, did you bring your diaphragm?

–Times Square

Loud woman on cell: How many times do you have to have sex, and have a baby, before you realize: "If I have sex without a condom I will get someone pregnant."? Seriously!

–Broadway & 103rd St

Overheard by: Amy

Guy on phone: I always tell people that sex with you with a condom is better than sex with other girls without a condom.

–Outside Trader Joe's, 14th St

Zoo guide: This zoo likes to be careful with breeding animals by taking into account genes and the like. But then again, Zippy–the baby snow monkey–came along. So be careful with your birth control.

–Central Park Zoo, by the Snow Monkeys

Girl to another: I just don't see why we can't make our own condoms.

–14th St & 4th Ave

Posted on January 10, 2022
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Babies, Central Park, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Hook Ups, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Sex, Should've Used a Condom, Store, Street, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Times Square, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Si El Avion Se Choca Contra Un Tempano

Man #1: See, there’s the exit, and it says Salida. What the hell’s that?
Man #2: I think it’s Spanish for salad.
Man #1: Why the fuck write that on there?

–JetBlue plane, JFK

Overheard by: beth devlin

Posted on January 8, 2022
Idiots, JFK Airport, Languages, Stupidity, Travel, Words

Imagine Whomever You Like. That’s What I Do.

Guy: I really wanna kiss you right now.
Girl: So who does that make you: my uncle or my dad?

–Bar, Carroll Gardens

Posted on January 5, 2022
Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Creepsters, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Stupidity, Weirdness

Most Importantly, How Do They Get Through Airport Security with Them?

Asian chick #1, on seeing a cop on a horse: How do they get the shoes on the horse? Do they like slip it on?
Asian chick #2: No. Cuz then they’d fall off.
Asian chick #1: Oh… Are they born with them?
Asian chick #2: No… Wait. I don’t think so…

–Times Square

Overheard by: Cecilia

Posted on December 27, 2021
Animals & Nature, Asians, Clothing, Girls, Stupidity, Times Square

… Whatever It Is

Bimbette #1: Oh my god, you just called me Breanne.
Bimbette #2: I always call you Breanne.
Bimbette #1: Oh, yeah! You’re right… I totally miss my name…

–Walgreens, Empire State Building

Overheard by: seriously?

Posted on December 19, 2021
Bimbettes, Default, Empire State Building, Names, Stupidity

Stupidity