Passion of the Wednesday One-Liners

Man: ‘Cause I’m like, ‘Seven a.m. is too fuckin’ early for Jesus — too fuckin’ early.’

–Union Square station

Overheard by: DM Cook

Caribbean woman pacing back and forth on crowded subway: Excuse me, Ladies and Gentlemen, Jesus is coming! Jesus is on the number two train tonight! Repent! Repent! Jesus is coming and he’s on the number two train tonight. Repent for your sins! Jesus died for you — for men, women, lesbians, gays…

–Uptown 2 train from 72nd St

Overheard by: pimnana

Drunk student: So, she said that Jesus loves you and died for your sins and made the Statue of Liberty disappear, or something.

–Uptown 2 train from 66th St

Overheard by: Avatarded

Homeless man on subway speaker: I am the lord, Jesus Christ. He is everywhere, including on this train… Give Jesus money and food or else hell will come down. [As police approach] Fuck off the lord, nigga.

–1 train, 168th St

Girl to friend: You know what? You need Jesus. You need Jesus!

–John Jay College

Overheard by: Scott

Woman successfully holding many paper towel rolls in hands and an open umbrella between her chin and shoulder: I am Jesus now.

–109 & Broadway

Overheard by: trying to stay dry

Posted on December 13, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Crazies, Drunks, Homeless, Jesus, On the Subway, School, Statue of Liberty, Subway Stations, Time, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

But Don’t Tell Her I Said That

White girl: I don’t get that girl. I just don’t like her.
Black boyfriend: Why?
White girl: Because if I don’t like someone, I tell them. Straight at their face, I’m like, ‘I don’t like you.’ But she be talking behind people’s backs and shit. It’s not cool, yo.
Black boyfriend: Yeah.
White girl: And she thinks she’s ghetto, but she’s not. We ghetto — she’s not.

–Uptown C platform, 34th St

Posted on November 21, 2006
Biotechs, Black People, Ghetto Chicks, Insults, Subway Stations, White People

Like Finger Food, or an Hors D’Oeuvres

Banker #1: Have you ever thought about what your wife’s shit looks like?
Banker #2: Yeah. I bet it’s really tiny because she’s really tiny.

–F/V subway station, 2nd Ave

Overheard by: threw up in my mouth

Posted on November 7, 2006
Guys, Poop, Subway Stations, Suits

Wednesday-One-Liners Will Be Held in the Station Momentarily…Thank You for Your Patience

Conductor: There are seats towards the back of the train.
Keep walking! Sometime today, people. What did you stop for? Keeeep walking!

–Train to Grand Central

Overheard by: Muffin

Conductor: Where’s the other guy? Raj, if you can hear me, you can come pick up your My Little Pony from the booth.

–LIRR, Hempstead station

Subway station announcement: Because of an earlier incident, all trains are now running.

–Union Square Station

Overheard by: E Moran

Conductor: This is 36th Street. Step to the side and let all the monkeys off the train. Let the monkeys off the train.

–Queens bound N train

Conductor: Ladies and Gentlemen, this is an extremely crowded F train. Next stop is Jay Street, and by this time it’s official, every person in New York is on this train. Please stand clear of the closing doors, if you can.

–Coney Island bound F train

Overheard by: F Train Sloper

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, the next stop is 59th Street. And if you haven’t voted and are thinking of voting for Bush, please see the movie Fahrenheit 9/11. Thank you. Stand clear of the closing doors.

–4 Train, 42nd St

Overheard by: Jonny

Conductor: You have yourself a satisfying Thursday.

–F train

Posted on October 25, 2006
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Conductors, Movies, On the Subway, President, Subway Stations, Trains Not Subway, Travel

Note to Self: This Chick Will Believe Anything She Is Told

College girl: Excuse me… excuse me… who is Darfur?
Guy: Are you kidding me? You need to get educated… you haven’t heard of the genocide there?
College girl: Pshhh… we pay people to gather information. Why do I need to know it?

–4/5/6 platform, 96th St

Overheard by: Sheena Tahilramani

Posted on October 6, 2006
Bimbettes, College, Education, Nicknames & name calling, Stupidity, Subway Stations

Yes, But They Probably Still Wouldn’t Talk to You

Man: Wow, you speak good English. Where are you from?
Asian girl: Australia.
Man: Do they speak English there?

–1 train station

Posted on July 2, 2006
Asians, Global Geography, Idiots, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Race, Stupidity, Subway Stations

Swing and a Miss

Girl: Hey, do you have to read that for class?
Guy: Nope, just picked it up for fun.
Girl: If you like Vonnegut, you’d really like One Flew Out of the Cuckoo’s Next.
Guy: This is my stop.

–4 train

Overheard by: Yael

Posted on January 6, 2006
Girls, Guys, Intelligentsia, School and studying, Subway Stations

…And Mild And Sweet The Words Repeat…

Woman: No thanks, the shoes just didn’t look good on me.
Salesguy: Thanks for trying.
Woman: Uh, you’re welcome?

–Steve Madden, East 86th Street

Overheard by: Lucy

Old man: Is this bench for young people or old people? Because I only sit with the young.
Woman: It’s for everyone.
Old man: Well, since it’s Christmastime, I’ll sit with you.

–Roosevelt Island station

Overheard by: Suriya

Posted on December 25, 2005
Men, Old People, Subway Stations, The Met, Women

Someone Needs to Go to the Learning Annex

Man: Watch where you’re going.
Woman: Why don’t you get out of the way?
Man: Fuck you, lady.
Woman: You come from the land of yonder where animals exist!

–23rd Street F station

Overheard by: jill Bee

Posted on December 20, 2005
Animals & Nature, Assholes, Crazies, Insults, Stupidity, Subway Stations

Barkers Hawk Wednesday One-liners

AM New York guy: Safe sex is the best sex! Wear a condom! Read all about it! AMNews!

–72nd Street 1/2/3 station

Overheard by: Hazel924

Posted on December 14, 2005
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Condoms, Subway Stations, Vendors & Street Performers

Subway Stations