Conductor on PA: And remember, it’s Fleet Week in the city and you’ll be seein’ lots of our service men and women in the streets. Be sure to express your appreciation and genuine gratitude for their service.
Young suit #1: For their services!
Young suit #2 Uhhhh, no; for their service. [points to scantily-clad girl with heavy makeup and fishnets] You’d thank her for her services.
–Manhattan-bound 2 train
Suit: I’m going to have challah bread french toast for dinner tonight. My good-for-nothing wife can’t make me dinner — she’s nine months pregnant. She’s home all day, still in pajamas at 2:30 in the afternoon. Why don’t you try putting on some pants, that will get you motivated.
–uptown 2 train leaving Wall Street
Overheard by: Megan W
Getting on the crowded E at rush hour, a couple from Long Island forces into the train as the doors are closing.
Long Island woman: Come on people, make some room. [To companion] Can you imagine what it’s like in that city in Asia, in China I think, what’s it called?
Long Island dude: Japan?
Long Island woman: Yeah, Japan, that’s the city! They push you into the cars there!
Random suit: You mean like you just pushed all of us?!
–5th Ave E station
Overheard by: Greg the E train rider
Suit #1: So she got really mad at me when I was trying to break up with her, she was like “You’re breaking up with me cause you like me too much?” And I was like “Ya, totally.” She just didn’t understand.
Suit #2: Dude, that’s rough.
–Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: two rows back
Suit: Hey, I got this suit just for the interview. What do you think?
Suit’s friend: Looks good.
Suit: Yeah, it does. I look so good in this suit I could probably get away with incest.
Suit’s friend: Incest?!?
Suit: One of the hardest things to get away with.
–F train
Yuppie businessman on cell: I don’t care who designed them, you’re taking them back… You spent $600 on a pair of fucking shoes!?Unbelievable… Ok, whatever, I don’t care, this conversation is over… Goodbye! [to friend] Can you believe this shit?…. Lucky for her she lets me fuck her in the ass.
–46th & Madison Ave.
Overheard by: Douglas Quade
Suit on cell: Yo man, it’s Wednesday, are you ready to go get drunk and nail some bitches?… Hold on… What the fuck? I’m just in a manic rage and I want to destroy everything. What’s so wrong with that, Dad?
–13th between 3rd & 4th
Suit: When you’re 25 and you measure your hourly rate in three digits it takes a hell of a lot of grief to not make it worthwhile.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Gabriel Stempinski
Girl #1: I don’t have a boyfriend.
Professor guy: Sure, sure, sure..I can go on MySpace.com and find out the truth.
Class: Ha, ha, ha!
Professor guy: What? You think we don’t know about MySpace?
Girl #2: She has a picture of herself in underwear on hers!
–FIT
Dude: So you gonna give me some fuckin’ money? Give me some fuckin money! I don’t have two quarters to rub together; I can’t
even call my wife. Give me some fuckin’ money!
Lawyer man: I’m not going to give you any money.
Dude: Give me some fuckin’ money! You are my sister! I have no money!
Woman: I’m not giving you any money when you are acting like a criminal.
Restaurant guy: Sir, you need to calm down or I will have to call the police.
Dude: Don’t tell me what to fucking do. I just got out of Rikers Island!
Restaurant guy: Well sir, do you want to go back there? You need to leave or take the conversation outside.
–Pasta Lovers, Kew Gardens
Overheard by: Amanda
