Teen boy: Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, my name is Dwayne and I am in a program that keeps me and other kids like me off the street. They have us sell candy for $1. All profits go directly to the youth program that keeps us off the street. If you would like to purchase Snickers, Twix or Starburst, they are only $1.
Hobo: Hey, lady! Hey, fat lady! Buy some candy. You like candy, don’t you? Fat lady! Get some candy! Get some!
Lady: Asshole.
–6 train
Overheard by: Lydia M
HS girl #1: Well, I do not want people cloning me. Unless God came to me in a dream and said, “Pilar, you need to clone yourself so that you can live again and save the world”, then I will. But otherwise, I do not want people cloning me. Because if you get cloned you know you have to relive all your same problems and stuff. Isn’t that how cloning works? Anyways, cloning is stupid.
HS girl #2: Yeah, cloning is stupid. Why haven’t they been working on a cure for AIDS or breast cancer? They just want to make everyone die so they can clone them.
–Health Opportunities High School, South Bronx
Young teen boy: She obviously must wear push-up bras, cause sometimes it's big and sometimes it's smaller!
Young teen girl: I wore push-up bras in like, 5th grade. But once you start wearing them you can't stop, cause then everyone will know! But I don't need them anymore, I caught up.
–F Train
Overheard by: TheKatiedidntwearpushupsin5thgrade…
Headline by: Fresca
Runners-Up:
· “But I’m Still Wearing Pull-Ups Panties” – JohnnyB
· “No Boobies Left Behind Is Working Splendidly for American Youth” – rachel
· “Overheard at Dolly Parton Junior High School” – Vasyl
· “Somewhere There’s a Salvation Army Stocked with Wonderbras…” – RaRa
· “What You Call “Catching Up” Everyone Else Calls “Augmentation Surgery”” – If I can touch em.
Teen boy: Do you have any matches?
Counter lady: Can I see ID?
Teen boy: You need ID for matches? For just matches?
Counter lady: I can’t give you matches without ID.
Teen boy: ID for matches…what the fuck is this world coming to?
–Bodega, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: Tim Noonan
Cashier chick: “You’ve got cigarettes, but you don’t have matches? That don’t make sense!” We sell lighters, stupidass. Buy one.
–Walgreens, 4th Avenue
Dad: Did you bring your book?
Teen boy: Yeah.
Dad: Oh good; that way we don’t have to talk.
–Tekserve, West 23rd Street
Overheard by: Bethany Murphy
Teen girl: Is that the Italian Embassy? I think it is. I’m pretty sure that’s the Italian Embassy.
Mom: I have no idea.
Teen girl: I think it is. No…Oh, that’s Versace.
Mom: What’s Versace?
Teen girl: It’s like Coach…or Prada.
Mom: You always know about the expensive brands.
–51st & 5th
Overheard by: jen the phenomenon
Girl #1: Oh my god! I was peeing so much! It just kept coming! So like I was like sitting there all last period peeing!
Girl #2: Oh my god! You should go to a doctor.
Girl #1: Like, yeah…It was crazy. I just kept peeing…
Girl #2: The kid next to you is recording this on his cell phone.
Girl #1: Oh my god, stop!
–Goldstein High School, Manhattan Beach
Overheard by: Justin Fores
Teen girl #1: She once said to me, “I was thinking about us kissing in the shower.”
Teen girl #2: I hope you were wearing clothes.
–Canal & Broadway
Guy #1: Does she even shower?
Guy #2: That’s what I asked him. But then he said, “Not only does she shower, but then she licks my ass and jacks me off. It’s fucking great!”
–22nd & 3rd
Overheard by: Erin B
Man #1: You smell great!
Man #2: Thanks. I haven’t bathed since eleven.
–70th & Amsterdam
Teen girl: What the fuck is a morning rubber? I’ve got to get a morning rubber.
Chick: God, you are such a virgin! You put a morning rubber on a morning glory, for God’s sake.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Pi.
Teen guido boy #1: I was going down on her and her pussy tasted like peach Snapple.
Teen guido boy #2: The iced tea, right?
–Colonnade Diner, Staten Island
