I Thought It’s a Giant Champagne Glass

Teen boy: You know where I wanna go? The Marriott. Have you heard of it? It’s in New Jersey.
Teen girl: Oh yeah, you know where I wanna go? The Poconos.
Teen boy: What’s that?
Teen girl: I don’t know, a hotel?

–Health Opportunities High School, South Bronx

Posted on February 21, 2006
Fast Times at New York High, Stupidity, Teens, The Bronx

Can Someone Translate Into Brooklyn?

Teen girl: I would like to. Notwithstanding, I–
Old lady: Never say “notwithstanding” in New York. Too long a word for here.
Teen girl: Why the heck…?
Old lady: Notwithstanding and two financial empires have already
collapsed! Where are you from, by the way?
Teen girl: Missoula, Montana.
Old lady: You’re making my point, darling!…So, Redford says “notwithstanding”? No kidding?
Teen girl: Robert lives in Utah.

–Trump Tower elevator, 56th & 5th

Overheard by: Bertrand Latour

Posted on February 17, 2006
About Celebrities, Advice, Elevators, Manhattan, Old People, Pop Culture, Stupidity, Teens, Words

Don’t Look at Those Socks

Tween girl #1: Aren’t you gonna wash your hands?
Tween girl #2: I don’t need to. I flush with my foot
Tween girl #1: Do you also wipe with your foot?

–Union Square Regal Cinemas ladies’ room

Posted on February 17, 2006
Health and Hygiene, Manhattan, Poop, Stall Spies, Teens, Union Square and East Village

The Beauty That is Wednesday One-liners

Queer: You know who I feel really bad for? Really ugly people.

–Mug’z Sports Bar, Belmont

Posted on February 15, 2006
Anger Management, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Fashion, Hobos, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, One-liners, Queers, Teens, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-liners Give Bad Gifts

Teen girl: Now what she needs is a razor dildo.

–93rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Alissa R.

Posted on February 15, 2006
Anger Management, Arts & Letters, Books & Writing, Fashion, Food, Lower East Side, Manhattan, Masturbation, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Queers, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-liners Are Upright Citizens

Suit on cell: Hey, yeah…Yeah, I just got back from 100 Centre Street. Yeah, Georgie Boy was drooling over counselor’s dick…You know, Georgie Boy: Boy George…That’s right, on his knees drooling over counselor’s dick. Moron lives on Mulberry, right around the corner from 100 Centre Street. They found like six bags of blow, says lots of people stay there, not his, whatever. But he’s shitting in his diaper…What?…Yeah, just six bags, whatever. But he’s drooling over counselor’s dick. I told him, “Don’t worry Georgie Boy”–we only call him “Georgie Boy”–I told him, “Don’t worry, you have a Jewish lawyer.” Do you really want to blow me?…Huh? What?…No!

–Russian & Turkish Baths, East 10th Street

Overheard by: Trey Desolay

Posted on February 8, 2006
About Celebrities, Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, BJs, Celebrities, Drugs, Jews, Manhattan, On Cell, People, Sex, Suits, Teens

Wednesday One-liners Are Killer

Old lady: Where’s the yellow incense for the dead people?

–Titan Foods, LIC

Overheard by: Evan C. Kirchmer

Posted on February 8, 2006
Death, Hipsters, Hobos, Manhattan, Old People, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, People, Staten Island Ferry, Teens

Wednesday One-liners Are Ready for Valentine’s

Yale guy on cell: Oh, you’ll like this. So, I hooked up with this girl this weekend, and got a handjob from her…But, the thing is, she had one hand…No, she had an arm, just no hand. And she gave me a handjob. With the other one…I started laughing when she started giving me a handjob, because, well…Yeah. The irony of the whole thing…Yeah, but she was real hot…Huge boobs…I think I’m gonna try and hook up with her again and see if she’ll rub my balls…Yeah, man, with the other one…The other…Yeah.

–Metro-North train

Overheard by: rDave