Minnesota girl: Like, when I come to New York I want to do something, like, crazy and fun!
Guy: Well, listen, you ran into the right guy, because I am, like…
Girl and guy in unison: Mr. Crazy Fun!
Guy: Exactly. Like, tonight I’m thinking about starting off at this place called a hookah bar. Have you ever heard of one?
Girl: No! What is it?
Guy: Well, it’s this place where you smoke tobacco in Jordanian water pipes!
Girl: Wow.
–Koronets Pizza, 110th & Broadway
Overheard by: Wyatt
British tourist, after Avenue Q: Well, that was different than Mary Poppins!
–Golden Theater, W 45th St
Overheard by: Knew Exactly What I Was Getting Into
Tourist: What day do they film Saturday Night Live?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Candy
Tourist chick pointing at Chrysler Building: Look, y’all — the Eiffel Tower!
–Top of Empire State Building
Tourist mom with three kids: Look! Applebees!
–Times Square
Gleeful tourist: I see Wendy’s!
–Bond & Broadway
Teen tourist: So, what is Long Island? Is it not a state? I don’t get it!
–LIRR
Overheard by: jangbang
Tourist teen spotting Che Guevara shirt at vendor: Oh my god! Isn’t that Tom Cruise in Top Gun?
–Canal St
Overheard by: the asian princess
20-ish guy, after bumping into lady: Oh, I’m sorry.
Lady: That’s okay. I’m a tourist.
–Times Square
Overheard by: nina
Blonde: Gosh, these lines are, like, so long.
Brunette: Yep.
Blonde: I’m, like, not from here so, like, I’m not used to this.
Brunette: Uh-huh.
Blonde: I’m actually from, like, Ohio. Where are you from?
Brunette: Albany.
Blonde: Oh my gosh, really?! Say something in Albanian!
Employee passerby: Fucking tourists…
–Banana Republic Women, Soho
Overheard by: MistressSilver
Man holding St. Patrick’s day hat and necklace: Can I get these two for three dollars?
Street vendor: The hat itself is eight dollars! You’re not a bargaining person, are you?
Man: No, I’m from Canada.
–44th & 6th
Overheard by: Parade Spectator
Dude fighting his way through crowd of tourists: Ugh, it’s like being in a video game. It’s like being in Asteroids!
Chick: Yeah, only you can’t shoot anybody, so it’s not as much fun.
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Marizzle
Man #1: Yo, man. I hate the holidays.
Man #2: Yeah, I know.
Man #1: All them damned people come. Subways get so crowded. And yo, man, men try to stand behind my woman!
Man #2: That’s not right.
Man #1: I’ll hit you if you stand behind my woman, I don’t care if it’s Christmas. That’s my woman, man. Only I get to stand behind my woman.
Man #2: That’s your right, man.
Man #1: Damned tourists don’t know how it works here, man.
–4 train
Overheard by: Redshikari
Tourist man: Honey, why don’t we just go back to the room?
Tourist woman: Okay. We’re all going to calm down. We’ve done everything we can do. The police report has been filed. We’re all going to forget. We’re going to take a deep breath, and we’re going to move on. A new trip, a new beginning. Our new objective is to simply maneuver from point A to point B without getting mugged.
–Outside Urban Outfitters, 72nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Katie
Man to woman and her friend pushing a stroller: Listen, Jeanie, you like my sperm, and I like your car. I’m sure we can make a deal.
–60th & Central Park South
Firefighter after getting a call: Hey, boss, how many one-way streets do you think I can drive down the wrong way?
–Pathmark under Manhattan Bridge
Overheard by: tj
Midwestern woman in preppy clothes sticking head out passenger window of sedan: Excuse me, we’re trying to merge…
–Waiting to enter Lincoln Tunnel
Overheard by: Angela
Homeless musician with Casio keyboard plays entire intro to ‘Oye Como Va,’ then sings: Oye como va, ba da da, blah blah blah blah blah! [Abruptly stops] Well, ladies and gentlemen, that’s what you get for not having a car.
–L train to Williamsburg
Overheard by: Subway Goer
Tourist mom: Ohhh! Look, dear! A fire escape!
Tourist child: Oh, where? Where?
Tourist mom: See? That balcony with the ladders…
Tourist child: But how do they get down?
Tourist mom: I think that ladder on the side slides down.
Tourist child: Oh, wow. It is just like in the movies!
–Ferry bus, 49th & 6th
Overheard by: A tourist who knows better
