Wednesdays and Their Stupid One-Liners

Hot blonde: Do they kick in kick boxing?

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: haha

Tourist pointing to a church: Is that the Chrysler Building?

–E 10th & Broadway

Little boy, when train jerks to a stop: Did we just hit a deer?

–Manhattan-bound N train

Overheard by: paratactical

Teen tourist: Look, I know you guys have, like, musical theatres on Broadway and stuff, but do you guys have movie theaters?

–Canal & Broadway

Tourist pointing at S train car: This is the bus that will take us to Times Square, right?

–Platform for shuttle from Grand Central to Times Square

Overheard by: the answer is yes, but you’re not right

Young girl on phone: Hells yeah, I walked out of that class! I don’t even get why we still learn about immigration. I mean, who the fuck takes boats here anymore?

–23rd & Lex

Posted on March 19, 2008
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Boys, Default, Education, Foreigners, Girls, Grand Central, History & Geography, Idiots, Insults, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Public Transportation, Questions, Sports, Street, Students, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Tourism, Tourists, Train Station, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Will Sleep with You If You Hold Still

Hot lesbo to another: You already have two girlfriends — you don’t need another boyfriend!

–92nd & 2nd

Hipster guy: Well, it’s not like I’m into men, but there aren’t really any girls around right now… It’s convenient! At least I’m getting laid!

–In front of Metropolitan Bar, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Rowan

Mini thug with girlfriend. You know, baby, I just get homo sometimes.

–115th & Lenox

Wannabe lesbo: … And I was like, ‘What, just ’cause I like to sleep with men, that makes you more gay than me?!’ And she was like, ‘Uh, yeah.’

–Bedford Ave & Lincoln Pl, Brooklyn

Overheard by: equally gay

Fag hag to queer friend: She is so ruining my heterosexual life!

–42nd & 7th

Overheard by: j

Hipster dude to pals: I gotta go! I just found out this guy is bi!

–Parsons the New School for Design

Chick to another: She was a little bit bisexual in Hong Kong. But, then, who wasn’t?

–1 train

Posted on March 19, 2008
Advice, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Default, Fag Hags, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gripes, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hipsters, Lesbians, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, Promiscuity, Queer guys, Questions, Relationships, School, Sex, Sexuality, Street, The Village, Thugs, Tourism, Upper East Side, Williamsburg

Yasser Takes Way Too Long in Front of the Monets

Husband: We’ll go to the museum around four.
Wife: I don’t know…
Husband: Come on, Marge. You love everyone at the museum. Except Yasser Arafat.

–Hampton Inn

Overheard by: Leah

Posted on December 16, 2007
Couples, Hotels, Tourism

He Could Have Insulted Them Even More by Calling Them “Tourists”

Tourist kid: Look! The Empire State Building!
Tourist mom: Where? I don’t see it.
tourist kid: The big, pointy one!
Tourist mom: Oooh, let’s take a picture!
Passerby: That’s the Chrysler Building, you fucking niggers.

–Outside NYC Public Library

Overheard by: johnny salami

Posted on December 9, 2007
Assholes, Insults, Library, Tourism, Tourists

Wednesday One-Liners Can’t Believe the Filth and the Prices

NY-er, as visitor friend hesitates at crosswalk: It is so touristy to be afraid of getting hit by cars.

–34th & Broadway

Father to young son: The species tourist vulgaris is identified by the fanny pack and the new white sneakers.

–45th & Broadway

Overheard by: poomer

Woman with southern twang: The only good thing about living in this shithole is at least no one thinks I’m a tourist anymore.

–Woodhaven & Jamaica

Chick seeing group of Japanese tourists with cameras and "I <3 NY" shirts: Stereotype! –Washington Square Park Overheard by: lezbotron

Posted on November 14, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Tourism, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

This Must Be That “New York Flair” We’ve Been Hearing So Much About

Ghetto girl crossing against the light, as cabbie honks: Dat’s right! Dat’s right! Dat’s right! Hit me! I needs the fuckin’ money!
Brit tourist, waiting for ‘Walk’ light: Oh, how charming.

–32nd & 7th

Overheard by: Just Trying to Make My Train

Posted on October 19, 2007
Assholes, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Foreigners, Ghetto Chicks, Stupidity, Threats, Tourism

Now Hurry Up or We’ll Be Late for Dinner at Jekyll and Hyde

Man with camera: How about one with the Statue of Liberty in the back?
Man being photographed: You don’t want one with the Manhattan skyline?
Man with camera: No, you tourist!

–Brooklyn Heights Promenade

Overheard by: Rob M

Posted on August 13, 2007
Brooklyn, Men, Tourism

Wednesday One-Liners Are on the Lookout for Celebrities

Tourist chick: I thought I’d see people dressed up like Mary Kate and Ashley and a bunch of rude hippies.

–9th St

Overheard by: heroldo

Tourist pointing to chairs in Rockefeller Center: I don’t know — they must be having an event or something, because usually you can ice skate here all year long!

–Rockefeller Center

Excited bimbette tourist: I thought the Atlantic ocean was bigger than this!

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Spectre

Tourist wearing fanny-pack: Look, a McDonald’s! Right here in the city!

–42nd & 5th

Overheard by: Nancy

Excited tourist passing hobo: Now, that is a real street person! Did you get a chance to smell him?

–31st & 6th

Posted on August 1, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Tourism, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners

Enjoy the Rest of Your Stay in Imaginary New York

Tourist: We’re going to the opera tonight!
Waitress: Wonderful! Which opera are you going to see?
Tourist: Phantom!
Waitress, after stunned silence: … You’re gonna love it!

–Del Frisco’s, 6th Ave

Posted on July 31, 2007
Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Tourism, Tourists, Waitresses

Tourism