Wednesday One-Liners Want to Be a Part Of It

Suit: That's why I can't help but love New York. New York is like the sick uncle that touches you when no ones around.

–Grand Central Terminal

Girl, after passing a tourist bumping into her: In New York we say "excuse me!"

–Macy's, Herald Square

Overheard by: The City Planner

Guy to friend: Are we in the inner city or just the city?

–1st Ave & 6th St

Dude walking out of Penn station: You know what's great about going out in New York City? You can get completely bombed and it's no big deal, because you'll probably never see those people again, you know?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: BPV

Aussie: The key to this city is to use words like "shitter."

–96th & Columbus Ave

Posted on November 21, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Celebrations/Parties, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Foreigners, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, One-liners, Only in New York, Penn Station, Questions, Robbing the Cradle, Store, Suits, Tourism, Tourists, Train Station, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Only Crazy Subway Preachers Know Both

Tourist: Does this train stop at Cortland Street?
Nun: Yes, it does.
Guy: No, it doesn’t. The station is closed.
Nun: I’ve been riding this train over 20 years. It stops at Cortland Street.
Guy, as train passes Cortland Street station: Lady, you may know Jesus, but I know the subways.

–1 train

Posted on October 18, 2020
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Catholics, Jesus, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Tourism, Tourists

He Got Down on One Knee and Offered Me a Cock-Ring

New Yorker: So, having a romantic evening in New York?
Tourist: Yeah… I went sex toy shopping last night.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: laughing awkwardly

Posted on September 24, 2020
Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Default, Dildos and Vibrators, Nice People, Questions, Shopping, Tourism, Tourists

Just When People Had Stopped Looking for Carrie Bradshaw's House…

Teenage boy in Boston Celtics jacket: Ewww, this is Jackson Heights?
Father: Yeah, I guess so.
Bored tween girl: Can we go back to the hotel, puh-lease?
Mom: Not yet. I want to find where Ugly Betty lives.

–Jackson Heights

Overheard by: Jellobelle

Posted on September 6, 2020
Dads, Moms, Queens, Questions, Teens, Tourism, TV, Tweens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Says the Woman Who Chooses to Live in Omaha?

Older tourist woman to NBC tour guide: So, we are going to see the rock at the top?
Guide: It's called “the top of the rock.”
Woman: Well, that doesn't make any sense?

–30 Rockefeller Plaza

Overheard by: Michael

Posted on May 19, 2020
Clerks, Old People, Rockefeller Center, Tourism, Tourists, Words

Most Americans Have Given Up Believing Their Eyes and Ears

Tourist #1: I wanna see the ball that drops in Times Square!
Tourist #2: Wait… that thing actually exists?

–Broadway b/w 43rd & 44th

Overheard by: Ben

Posted on March 15, 2020
Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYC Geography, Questions, Stupidity, Tourism, Tourists

Reader Poll: Should Meth Be Required for Tourists?

13-year-old brunette to tourists: Argh! Move!
13-year-old redhead: These people need to learn the ethics of jaywalking.

–Times Square

Overheard by: emma

Posted on February 5, 2020
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Anger Management, Crime and Punishment, Only in New York, Teens, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists

Wednesday One-Liners Aren’t a Tourist Attraction, Assholes

Chick to friend, standing silently for several minutes: You know, there really isn’t that much to see here.

–Ground Zero

Woman on cell: What about the Christmas cards with the twin towers surrounded by flowers? … Yeah. Kinda grim, huh?

–Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Karyn Regal

Wannabe-hardcore bimbette: So, this is where it all went down, huh? Where the shit hit the fan…

–PATH station, WTC

Overheard by: WesTexMike

Tourist man to MTA lady: I want to go to that World Trade Center thing.

–14th St station

Tourist: Is this nine-eleven?

–Ground Zero

Overheard by: duplicity

Posted on January 23, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ground Zero, Tourism, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wait ‘Til You Get Lost in Tokyo, Smart Guy

Asian tourist with map out, blocking walking crowd: Excuse me, I’m looking for Houston street…
Suit, with high-pitched sarcasm: Really? [He keeps walking.]

–Houston & Broadway

Overheard by: a

Posted on November 29, 2019
Asians, Assholes, Default, Directions, Questions, Street, Suits, The Village, Tourism, Tourists

Wednesday One-Liners May Leave a Bad Taste in Your Mouth

Bland middle-aged woman: It's not like you're giving head in the Port Authority bathroom!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: j

English tourist: You'll go home and people will ask: "So what did you do on holiday?" You'll reply: "Oh, I gave the Empire State Building a blowjob!"

–34th St

Guy on cell: Ugh, fuck me in the ass. No… no, not you. Meanie. Why don't you just suck my dick. Suck my dick!

–34th Street

Dude on cell: It was like getting a blowjob from the inside.

–8th Ave & 53rd St

Guy on cell: Is that the guy that's been sucking your dick?

–81st & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Kelley

Young guy on cell: And then I said: "I could really use a blowjob right now." She was offended!

–48th & Park

Young black man to friend: Just because she sucks my dick doesn't make her Oprah Winfrey.

–B48 Bus

Posted on October 28, 2019
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, BJs, Black People, Brits, Etiquette, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Leisure, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Bus, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Tourism, Tourists, Travel, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park, Weirdness, Women

Tourism