Woman: Either he’s a jogger or he’s homeless.
–Union Square
Overheard by: David Alcorn
Woman: Either he’s a jogger or he’s homeless.
–Union Square
Overheard by: David Alcorn
God freak: The Christians are praying and not killing. The Christians only kill once in two thousand years, or maybe a thousand years. Three hundred years. God will forgive you for killing a hundred men, but he will kill you because of the radio.
–R train
Chick on cell: You murdered him? Oh… you didn’t. Well that’s good. It would have been bad for your image.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Laura
Dude: Yo, don’t be so angry while I kill everyone.
–GWB Terminal, 175th St
Bean-Lover: And I said, “Yo, bitch, I kill you for a can o’ pinto beans.”
–10th St & 1st Ave
B&T girl: I want that exact kind of relationship. Except for, like, the whole mass murdering thing.
–Knitting Factory, Leonard St
Professor: Why kill yourself when you can just steal someone else’s idea?
–Hunter College
Overheard by: acep & arielle
Woman on cell: Do you know how many executions I’ve been to over the last year?…5.
–Central Park
Overheard by: MC
Blind panhandler, singing: Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost but now I’m found, was blind but now I see… If you want my body and you think I’m sexy, come on, honey, let me know…
–N train
Overheard by: Dan McInerney
Hispanic man singing loudly to tune of ‘Yellow Submarine’: We all live in your mother’s dungarees, your mother’s dungarees, your mother’s dungarees…
–35th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: CCF
Hobo singing to himself: I want to eat pussy, I want to eat pussy.
–Hudson & Christopher
Overheard by: Someone in a Tree
Street corner freestyler: You can’t send me back like Elian, what the hellian?
–Washington Square
Four-year-old, singing: We in the bed like, ‘Oooh, oooh, oooh, like oooh, oooh, oooh!’
–1 train, 116th St stop
Conductor, rapping: If you hold the doors while the train’s in the station, we will be delayed getting to our destination, and you will find yourself in a situation.
–A train
Overheard by: Ladle
New Yorker: …and then the tourists paused near the construction of the New York Times’ new building, and one, who was I guess their leader, pointed to it and said, “Everyone, that’s Ground Zero.”
–26th & Park
Tourist: And this is H Street. So we’ll be in SoHo next.
–Houston Street
Tourist girl: Oh, look! I think that’s Times Square!
–Broadway & Houston
Overheard by: Sumitra
Woman on cell: No, I can’t. I’m in the Times Square area right now.
–Canal & Baxter
Overheard by: Steph J.
Dude: Excuse me, is this Times Square?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Dumbfounded
Teenage girl: Does this train go to Manhattan?
–Times Square, waiting for the downtown C train
Overheard by: Courtney
Tourist: Wait, are we in Manhattan or just New York?
–Times Square
Overheard by: betsy
Australian hipster: Could you tell me how to get back to Manhattan?
–112th & Broadway
Little boy, hearing loud explosion: Jesus Christ!
–Upper East Side
Overheard by: Farley
Suit to girlfriend: Are you mad at Jesus?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Matt
Girl, pointing to eyebrow ring: I receive God through this hole in my eye!
–Financier Patisserie, Stone St
Overheard by: Gen
Teen girl: Yeah, so I was about to go down on him, and I got smacked in the face with Jesus. It was so not hot.
–Sheepshead Bay
Overheard by: Lotte
Black man: Free Post! Free Post! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, free at last! Free Post!
–34th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: jackattack
JAP: When I told my mom I didn’t want to fast today she said ‘That’s ok, no one said you had to’ and I said ‘Ummm, I think God did.’
–33rd St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: ak
Man to cop: Can’t you do nuthin’ about those damn Jehovah’s Nitwits?
–Grand Central
Man looking at the Metronome clock: I think that’s the national deficit.
–Union Square
Employee: Shit, I don’t have no pennies. Tell Dunkin’ Donuts they owe you nine cents!
–Dunkin’ Donuts, Graham Ave
Girl: Non-profit groups are, like, so non-lucrative!
–Fulton St
Overheard by: Pants
Spastic kid: All I have to my name is a cigarette and two Sacagawea coins!
–Webster Hall
Overheard by: Jess Cohennnnn
JAP on cell: I had a nightmare last night that Mom canceled my credit card statement… I know! It was the worst — like, I woke up sweating!
–NYU
Overheard by: glamourcharm
Chick: ‘Insufficient fare’?! What does that mean?
–7th Ave subway station
Hobo: You want to know why America is the land of free? Go to jail; free food, free bed.
–53rd & Madison
Overheard by: Ramblin Bradley Scott
Guy on cell: I’m just so sick of hearing about Gaza. So many people getting shot…it just sounds like LA.
–86th & CPW
Girl: “AKA” means “otherwise known as.” This is America!
–23 Street C station
Hipster guy on cell: How’s Delaware?…Aw, I’m sorry…Your grandma what?…Ew!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Shawn Chesterfield
Hobo: I wish all of America was in Jordan.
–Stuyvesant Park
Woman: …It’s not the money I’m worried about, it’s just that
Hoboken taxi drivers are shitheads.
–Office, 50th & 6th
Woman on cell: …and I mean, where the fuck am I supposed to find a hooker? This isn’t Las Vegas!
–54th & 6th
Overheard by: Eface
Tourist man: One way ticket to Hewston please.
–50th Street 1 station
Turbaned white guy: Well, obviously I’m American, but my preferred religion is Punjabi.
–Union Square
Overheard by: misha
Suit: Hawaii is so boring! There’s nothing to do but stay calm.
–52nd & Lexington
Girl: Have you been to the rest of the country? The rest of the country is not New York. They obviously don’t know anything about fashion.
–Shea Stadium
Hipster girl: ‘Flushing Queens’ would be a great name for a man.
–Barnard College
Overheard by: Beautiful Barnard Woman
Drunk dude watching girl rip the shirt off a guy: What, no blood? Queens is lame.
–Shea Stadium
Boyfriend to girlfriend: Prepare to be blown away by the majesty of Queens!
–E train platform, Penn Station
Conductor: This is a Queens-bound A train.
–Brooklyn-bound A train
Overheard by: Maggie
Conductor: This is a Queens-bound… No, Manhattan-bound… No, Queens… Wait, hang on. This is a Manhattan-bound E train. Next stop: 53rd and Lex… Shit.
–Manhattan-bound E train, 53rd & Lex
Announcement over the subway: This is not the Queens-bound E train. [Half the train empties] This is the Queens-bound E train.
–E train, Penn Station
Conductor: Hey, clear the closing doors, bitch.
–8th St
Chick on cell: So, how did your date go? Did she call the police on you this week? … Did she have you escorted out of her building this week? … No? Then why did you call me? You just wanted to tell me that? … Oh, you had a big fight? Was it because she’s a crazy bitch?
–225th & Broadway
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Eight-year-old boy to younger kid: If we were in prison you’d be my bitch!
–Hudson & Christopher
Overheard by: Talia
Black man: Went out, got that bitch some food. Bitch was hungry. Got her some food, took her out back, and she sucked my dick. Licked my balls. She’s only 21. Gonna marry that bitch.
–34th & 8th
Guy to buddy: No, it actually sucks because she’s a selfish bitch. She switched our cell phones because mine vibrates better… So she can get off in her cube.
–Hershey store, Times Square
Dude on cell: Well… Well, there’s groups of bitches. There’s, like, a group of bitches here… and a group of bitches there.
–Outside bar, 32nd & 4th, Brooklyn
Overheard by: A Lone Bitch
Guy in full yellow suit with matching hat: I don’t get this girl. You know what I’m saying, ’cause you know I’m the nicest nigga to a bitch.
–Waiting for the L, Union Square
Guy: I had to yell at her and tell her that she couldn’t be pregnant — I mean, dude, that was last week.
–St. Marks & 3rd Ave
Preggers to male friend: And that asshole came up and body-slammed me on the train platform! Of course, everyone was looking at me like I’m the animal. How can you body-slam a woman who’s seven months pregnant and not feel bad?
–D train
Overheard by: Jannine Ramlochan
Preggers to lady pushing to get to cupcake table: Lady, I am four months pregnant. Getting between me and those cupcakes is a really, really good way to lose an arm.
–Magnolia Bakery
Snotty actress: Oh my gosh, she is such a good writer for my acting type. Her script is so like, like — pregnant with promise.
–14th & Broadway
Overheard by: Emilia
Girl on phone: No, I can’t have sex with you. Because then if I got pregnant I’d have to be like, ‘Whose baby is it? Well, let’s see — is it black, white, brown…?’
–Grand Central Station
British mother to young son: Do you know what I had to eat when I was pregnant with you, Bill? Buns! Buns! Buns! Buns! That’s why you’re mad about buns. [To daughter] And that’s why you like brown things.
–Varick & King St
Young woman to friends: And she keeps getting pregnant, and I’m like, ‘Stop it, woman!’
–Columbia campus
Overheard by: Cheney
