Wednesday-One-Liner 451

5th grader to friends on stairs: So my brother burned a hole in the floor so we could spy on the neighbors.

–The Spence School

Overheard by: urbanadventurer

Hot 20-something: If another mediocre man hits on me after another mediocre meal I am going to burn the city down!

–1 Train

20-something to friend: The house burnt down, and now my dad has no eyebrows. No really, he has no eyebrows.

–Thompkin Square Park

Yuppie guy: You know, I think heartburn is the best kind of burn someone could have.

–Bleecker & Jones

Overheard by: Jas

Five-year-old boy, singing: Let the train, let the train, let the train be on fire!
(continues for a few minutes) Let China, let China, let China be on fire!

–F Train

Subway conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, this train is being held due to a…slight fire at the next station.

–C Train

Overheard by: G.

Posted on March 4, 2009
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Body Parts, Family Ties, Fire, Food, Friends, Kids, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Public Transportation, School, Singing, Students, Subway conductors, The Village, Threats, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Yuppies

All You Need Is Wednesday One-Liner

Announcer guy: Hey girl, I love your face. And Charmin loves the other end!

–Charmin NYC Restrooms, Times Square

Overheard by: Nathan

Drunk boyfriend: Thanksgiving is over, and so is our love!

–Grand & Leonard, Williamsburg

Overheard by: fanny

Subway busker, about next song: This is not a love song. The reason that this is not a love song is because I don't like her anymore.

–Time Square

Philosophy professor on last day of class: If you love something, set it free. And if it flies away, run after it and kill it.

–City College

Overheard by: Dan Lurie

20-something guy to friend sharing iPod with him: I would do anything to live there…I would pretend to be in love.

–Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: dallas

Woman on cell: I will skin and tar you. (pause) Oh, I love you!

–W Broadway & W 3rd St

Posted on March 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Celebrations/Parties, City College, Drunks, Friends, Guys, Lies, Love, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, Poop, Singing, Street, Students, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Threats, Times Square, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women

Not Chosen Good, But Good Nonetheless.

Hassidic Jew in front of Mitzvah Mobile: Excuse me sir, are you Jewish?
British guy: No, I'm good, thanks!

–Union Square West

Overheard by: not jewish

Posted on March 3, 2009
Brits, Jews, Judaism, Questions, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Like Freshman Vagina Tight– Am I Right, Kids?

Asian chick to another: I mean they were so tight they were t-i-g-h-t.
Random professor: That's pretty tight.

–Elevator, NYU

Posted on March 2, 2009
Asians, Elevators, Girls, NYU, Teachers/Professors, Weirdness, Words

That's a Fork, Dude.

Random guy: Don't worry, I have metal parts. That comes off.
Guy next to him: Wait…what?

–NYU Poly

Posted on March 2, 2009
Body Parts, Guys, NYU, Weirdness

I'm Begging You

Student laying on hallway floor: It has to be bare balls to be called “tea bagging.”
Student standing over him: I am not putting my bare balls into your mouth!
Student laying on hallway floor: I'm not asking you to!

–Columbia University

Posted on March 1, 2009
Balls, BJs, Body Parts, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Students, Weirdness, Words

It's Better Than The Da Vinci Code

Young man in line for ticket machine to old man walking away with no ticket: Is the machine broken?
Old man (seriously): No, I was just reading the screen.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Hilariter

Posted on March 1, 2009
Old People, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Questions, Strangers, Weirdness

Instead Of Wearing Ratty T-Shirts, I'd Have to Wear Gucci Ratty T-Shirts

Girl: I can't take the $100,000.
Guy: Why not?
Girl: Cause being poor is a part of who I am.

–Columbia Medical Center

Overheard by: Philips Loh

Posted on February 28, 2009
Girls, Guys, Hospitals, Money & Class, Questions, Weirdness

Another Successful Workday for Pedro

Drunk sorority girl #1: My feet hurt.
Creepy hobo: Do you need someone to rub 'em for you, baby?
Drunk sorority girl #2: Violated! Violated!

–Bleecker & McDougal

Posted on February 28, 2009
Body Parts, Creepsters, Drunks, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Offers and requests, Rape, Sorority Girls, The Village, Weirdness

And She Would've Gotten Away with It, Too, If It Weren't for Those Darned Kids

Guy #1: See, I was in a diner the other day, I ordered some food and, yeah, I kinda noticed that the waitress was hot. Once I'd got my food and gone outside, I saw they hadn't given me my hash brown. So I went back in thinking, you know, I could get my hash brown and ask the waitress for her number or something. But when I got back the waitress was like “I ate your hash brown.”
Guy #2: She ate your hash brown?
Guy #1: She ate my hash brown!

–Lexington Ave b/w 40th & 41st

Posted on February 27, 2009
Food, Guys, Horny, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Weirdness

Weirdness