Girl: Ok, let’s name some idioms.
Guy: I don’t know what you’re talking about, but you go first.
Girl: Ok. ‘Hit the hay.’
Guy: ‘Suck the dick.’
Girl: Ummm…
–114th St & Broadway
Girl: Ok, let’s name some idioms.
Guy: I don’t know what you’re talking about, but you go first.
Girl: Ok. ‘Hit the hay.’
Guy: ‘Suck the dick.’
Girl: Ummm…
–114th St & Broadway
Wangsta teen: Move, nigga, or I’ll cut you with my knife!
Tween girl #1: Oh my God! He said the ‘n’ word!
Tween girl #2: Knife?
–Queens bound F train
JAP #1: Oh god, it’s so funny sometimes to start a sentence with, "But I have a brain tumor!"
JAP #2: That’s so not funny.
JAP #1: But I do have a brain tumor! See? So funny!
–2 train
Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson
Suit: I wouldn’t want to tangle with you, bitch.
Ghetto girl: I can’t believe you just called me a bitch. That is so offensive!
Suit: Don’t be so uptight. In the city, bitch is just a generic term for female. If I wanted to offend you I would have called you a cunt. So chill.
–Burger King, 23rd & Park Avenue South
Straight guy: I need to change my hair. Four out of five girls with that bachelorette party last night thought I was gay.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Phil
Guy: Listen, it’s not hair replacement. It’s a system.
–Sterling & 7th, Park Slope
Overheard by: A White Bear
White guy: Yeah, and I ripped out her weave.. it was awesome!
–14th & 5th
Overheard by: Amelia D
Hobo: All Democrats must have pink hair, by mandate of the homeless Republican!
–12th & 6th
Overheard by: theNJl
Ghetto girl: She wanted to charge me $400 for my hair. She was gonna charge me by the pound! Who charges for hair by the pound? I could get my homegirl to do it for $20. Never buy your hair from someone in the ‘hood!
–5 train, 125th St
Overheard by: La Liz
Bald queer: Oh, now I have to do my hair again. It’s so difficult to keep my hands out of it!
–Elevator, 1250 Broadway
Queer: Fuck you! I’m a smart gay!
–23rd & 6th
Overheard by: Keesha Brown
Accidental ironist: Yeah, obviously he has no sense of smartness.
–68th & Lex
Overheard by: Casti
Hipster guy: I erased two years of my life with drugs. Two solid years! But I’m too smart to erase more than that.
–Chinatown bus
Girl on cell: They said that I’m smart, and that I can articulate well. But I’m not… you know… Oh, whatever.
–Queensboro Community College
Overheard by: LizDayglow
Tween boy to dad: I’m looking for a girl who’s younger and smarter.
–71st & West End
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Ghetto guy: They got Freshman Friday at my school.
Ghetto girl: What’s Freshman Friday?
Ghetto guy: That’s when they fuck up the freshmen.
Ghetto girl: You a freshman!
Ghetto guy: So? They ain’t gonna grab me…I’m gonna…Whatever.
–Bronx bound 1 Train
Overheard by: Krisztina
Rhodes Scholar wigger: Yeah, we ain’t together no more. Bitch had the nerve to dump me.
Friend: What happened? You guys looked fine last week. It doesn’t make sense.
Rhodes Scholar wigger: She wasn’t down with how I roll. Always dissin’ the way I talk and shit–you know, correcting me and shit. Said she couldn’t take it no more, that I was always actin’ ign-i-ant or some shit. Like she’s some brain scientist or some shit. Bitch was always wrong anyways.
Friend: Brain surgeon.
Rhodes Scholar wigger: What?
Friend: You said brain scientist. I think you meant brain surgeon.
Rhodes Scholar wigger: Dat’s what I said nigga, you just heard me wrong.
Friend: You know what, suddenly it does makes sense.
–Manhattan bound F train
Overheard by: SandmanEsq
Mom: Zacky! Where your ass at?
Small boy: Nowhere.
Mom: Yeah it is!
–Times Square
JAP #1: Which magazine do we want — People or Us?
JAP #2: I don’t know, let’s get People.
JAP #1: Yeah, People has fewer words in it.
–Kosher Delight Restaurant, 13th Ave, Brooklyn
Headline by: Mary Beth Hanlon
Runners-Up:
· “Also Her Rationale for Rejecting the New Testament” – El Jefe
· “Also How President Bush Chooses His Speeches” – Nicole
· “Brevity Is the Soul of Twit” – Bern
· “But if You Eliminate US Magazine’s Use of ‘Brangelina,’ It’s Like 9 Words, Tops” – Riley Ray
· “But They Buy Playboy for the Articles” – Lalaith
· “Does the Menu Come on Podcast?” – Jodi
· “Jews Against ‘Wholesale Bargain’ Stereotype” – jason
· “Now if They Would Just Caption the Pictures with Other Pictures” – Gadfly22
· “Oy” – Wendy
· “Patiently Waiting Until Cheap Celebrity Gossip is Available Telepathically” – Diane
