Words

Wednesday One-Liners Are as Dumb as They Look

Prep chick: Is it amoebas that come from Mexico? Or am I thinking of armadillos?

–5th Ave

Overheard by: Francesca

White teen girl: So, is there a Friday next week?

–4 train

Overheard by: Gregorio

Girlfriend: If your friends told you to jump down a bridge, would you do it?

–D train, Grand Concourse

Suit to black gangster holding large chameleon: Excuse me, sir. What species of dinosaur is that?

–Manhattan-bound F train

Overheard by: Josh

Teen: So how much would the game cost if it was $17.99?

–Game Stop, Forest Hills

Future zoologist: They have sea lions here! They’re like lions — from the sea!

–Central Park Zoo

Overheard by: Andrew K.

Wednesday One-Liners Have Been Misunderestimated

Thug: Where you am?

–Penn Station

Girl: The cat keeps attacking the kitten and trying to dominate him. He’s wicked-dominal.

–Train from Boston, Penn Station

Thug girl: We is not stupid!

–Uptown 1 train

Overheard by: there’s no e in tracy

Teen boy: It’s like that Napoleon ice cream. You know: vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry.

–53rd & 5th

Overheard by: really?

Ghetto woman on cell: Yeah, yeah — he a drug addict. I couldn’t believe it. I had no agnostic he was on drugs.

–M15 Bus

Overheard by: Thirsty Violet

Girl: I’m like, so, you know, like, bad at, like… I’m really inarticulate.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: jaded intellectual

Daoism In Motion

Dude #1: That’s awesome.
Dude #2: What? That the subway comes out of the ground?
Dude #1: Yeah… because it’s no longer the ‘subway.’ It’s just the ‘way.’

–125th & Broadway

Overheard by: 15X

Can Extreme Sports Be Far Behind?

Hipster #1: He was just ghetto. I walked in and there were Mountain Dew bottles on every surface. Ghetto.
Hipster #2: Mountain Dew is ghetto?

–Grammercy Park

Next Time, I’m Drawing the Line at Diapers

Chick: So how was the baby shower?
Guy: It was nice. My mother decorated it — there were hanging diapers everywhere and shit. It was cute.

–N train

Overheard by: tanechka

The Scourge of Poetry

NYU chick #1: So in my class today we were talking about eunuchs — you know, like from the middle ages and shit — and whenever I hear ‘eunuch,’ I think of Munich, like the city.
NYU chick #2: Um… Maybe because it rhymes.
NYU chick #1: No shit it rhymes, but whenever people talk about China do you start to think about a vagina?
NYU chick #2: You’re weird.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: thank god i’m not in college anymore

Weather Prediction Is Put in More Reliable Hands

Ghetto cashier #1: Hey! Let me read the horoscope!
Ghetto cashier #2, reading The Daily News: The horoscope says it’s going to rain today and be really cold.
Old man: And that it’s a good day to die.

–Grocery store check-out, W 148th & St. Nick

Our Gang Gets a Sensual Update

Teen boy #1: Yo, we should go to the bellydancing tree-house today.
Teen boy #2: I hope you meant tryouts.

–Stuyvesant High School

God Insists on Saying ‘Between You and I’

Blonde Teen: So I’m taking that religion class.
Brunette Teen: Oh yeah? The one where you read the Bible right?
Blonde teen: Yeah that one. And get this, we are about to start reading the Book of Proverbs.
Brunette Teen: Oh My God! I didn’t know the Bible had a grammar section.
Blonde Teen: Me neither!!
Brunette Teen: Oh man, I bet it totally tells you how to speak like God… Except properly, you know?
Blonde Teen: [Gasp] I bet it totally does.
Brunette Teen: Ugh! I wish I had taken that class.

–The Original Ray’s Pizza

It’s Like Somebody Moved the Things I Think With

Girl #1: Lately, I just haven’t felt like going out. I’ve turned into such a…What’s the word? A homophobe.
Girl #2: What? Don’t you mean a homophiliac?
Girl #1: Yes! That’s what I meant! God, why can’t I think straight today?

–Forever 21, W 34th St

Overheard by: rolling my eyes in the dressing room next door

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