Assholes

Father: Is he asleep over there?
Mother: Yeah, he’s dozing. [Looks at other son.] Are you asleep, too?
Son #2: I’m bored.
Mother: He’s always bored. I must’ve been bored when I made him. [Stands up and leans on father’s knee and starts humping.] I’m bored, I’m bored[yawns], I’m bored.
Father: That guy is looking at you.
Mother: So? He doesn’t look boring like you.

–Queens-bound F train

Overheard by: That guy on the F Train

Headline by: Jason

Runners-Up:
· “Charles and Diana Ride the Subway?” – Shawn
· “Most Priests Aren’t That Exciting” – Brock
· “They Don’t Call It the F Train for Nothing” – Sean McGurr
· “This Is the Express Train: From Boring to Whoring” – Sim Etrias
· “Try the Middle Leg….it’s Less Boring” – nicky c.

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Obnoxious woman: Excuse me, excuse me! Do you know where Park Place is?
Jaded youth: Next to Boardwalk.
Obnoxious woman: Where is that?

–E Broadway

Overheard by: Mr. Money Bags

Chick: Please, please, please get these for me.
Guy: [Laughs, shakes his head.]Chick: I promise I’ll give it to you 10 times today.
Guy: I don’t need you to. I get it every day.
Chick: No, you don’t! You haven’t gotten it in a month!

–Sneaker store, 82nd & Roosevelt

Overheard by: Liza

Outgoing misogynist: See, my friend gives you a nine, but that’s because he loves Puerto Rican women. I give you a seven-and-a-half. [Lady nods without looking up from her magazine.] So, what do you think?
Head-in-hands misogynist: I think you just embarrassed me.
Outgoing misogynist: I think you overshot with that nine, that’s what I think.

–4 train

Overheard by: Alex

Dude #1: The Japanese can’t be that racist!
Dude #2: All I’m saying is, drop another couple of nukes on them and they’re still going to hate the blacks.

–Eastchester & Morris Park, Bronx

Girl: I think that dog is staring at me…
Guy: Don’t flatter yourself.

–Washington Square dog park

Overheard by: Dog and people watcher

Suit #1: She’s smart, funny, beautiful… What more could you ask for?
Suit #2: Yeah, but she probably votes. I don’t like women that vote.

–Union Station

Overheard by: Jacksonian Democracy

Info booth lady: I only have this map — it’s really not very helpful at all.
Tourist: Great! Thank you! This is exactly what I need!

–N train

Homie #1: Fuck you, nigga! You ain’t hustlin’!
Homie #2: No, fuck you! My shit is tight!
Homie #1: I’m still spendin’ money from ’93, nigga!
Homie #2: I’m still spendin’ money from ’88, nigga!

–119th & 7th

Overheard by: yvahn

Girlfriend: Ugh, I have the worst taste in my mouth.
Boyfriend: That’s ’cause you’re a whore.
Girlfriend: … I don’t get it.
Boyfriend: Your mouth tastes bad ’cause you suck too much cock.
Girlfriend: Oh my god! You’re such an asshole!
Boyfriend: I love you, baby.

–Shea Stadium

Overheard by: sweetpea