Mother to two children: Okay, time to leave.
Little girl, trying to push her way through as her brother holds the door closed: Daaaaviiiiid!
Mother to black security guard: I guess that’s just a brother for you.
Security guard looks uncomfortable.
Mother, quickly: I mean, that’s just a brother’s job, right?
–Bergdorf Goodman, 5th Ave
Overheard by: vivienne
Black customer: Hey, let me get that one. [Points at menu]Black employee: Which one?
Black customer: That one. [Points again]Black employee: Do you mean the smokehouse beef brisket?
Black customer: Yeah, the one in the picture.
Black employee, sighing: Black people!
Black customer: What? I’m not black. I’m Spanish!
Black employee: No you’re not. Prove it. Say something in Spanish.
Black customer: Como estas?
Black employee: See, you’re not Spanish.
Black customer: My name is Spanish.
–Quizno’s, 12th & Broadway
Black woman #1: I love crab legs. I’ma go home tonight and cook mad crab legs and suck the meat out.
Black woman #2: Fuck dat, I’ma go to Coney Island, get some clams. Put some hot sauce and some butter on that shits. Go home and get freaky with my old man. Shellfish get me mad horny.
–Brooklyn Family Court
Jewish boy: If I wasn’t Jewish and saw Passion of the Christ, I’d walk out of the theaters screaming, “Let’s kill those Jews for killing our Lord and Savior!”
Black woman: Boy, you shouldn’t be goin’ ’round screaming that.
Jewish boy: Um, but I am Jewish.
Black woman: How am I ‘sposed to know that?
Jewish boy: By the fucking thing on my head and the fact that I keep checking for my wallet every second I’m talking to you.
–Brooklyn College
Overheard by: David
Black woman #1, looking at the Time Warner Center: I haven’t been in there yet. But you know it’s not for us.
Black woman #2: Why did they put a J Crew in there? J Crew ain’t never got nothing.
Black woman #1: I know. If anything, they should have put a Kohl’s. They got Kohl’s in there?
–Uptown M7 bus
Overheard by: Always listening to other people’s conversations
In line for opening night show of Superman Returns.
Passerby: What’s this line for?
Black dude: Man, everybody wants to see Supercracker.
–4th Ave, between 13th and 14th
Overheard by: Potomac
Drunk hobo: You are so fucking beautiful. I am in love with you. Please let me give you a hug.
Girl #1: Please, no.
Drunk hobo: Why all you white girls hate on black people? We not all that bad.
Girl #2: It’s not because you’re black. It’s because you’re covered with open sores and blisters.
–Manhattan bound L train
Overheard by: Far
Black chick #1: C’mon.
Black chick #2: Alright, alright, what’s the rush?
Black chick #1: C’mon, I wanna see some white boys dancing.
–Outside Gazebo nightclub, 93rd St & 4th Ave, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: Capn MidNite
Black woman: You know that girl you bumped into? She was handicapped. And you didn’t say, “Excuse me.”
White boy: Um, she bumped into me.
Black woman: So, she’s handicapped. Is it her fault?
White boy: Shut the fuck up and go pick up your welfare check, you entitlement-addicted bitch.
–53rd & 5th
Guy #1 (wearing do-rag): You know why I wear this shit, man?
Guy #2: Nah, man, why?
Guy #1: Because I love the stare. I love it when some dumb white guy stares at me and asks why I wear this so I can curse the shit out of that mothafucka!
–14th & 1st
