I Think He’s a Wednesday One-liner!

Queer: Yeah he’d be perfect for you if he wasn’t straight. You both love dogs.

–13th & A

Girl: So I have, like, this army of lesbians chasing after me, but it’s too bad; I have to tell them I switched back over.

–St. Mark’s & 2nd

Guy: …sprinkled cocaine in his asshole and snorted it.

–18th between 5th & 6th

Pretty-boy: She’s like, “So I’m not a tranny just because I can’t afford the hormones?” and I’m like, “Um, yeah”. I mean, it’s my party, I can call you “she” if I want to!

–Atlas cafe, Williamsburg

Overheard by: emdashes

Girl: It’s not because you’re gay…it’s because we’re better than you.

–Greenpoint

Posted on July 1, 2025
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Cocaine, Lesbians, Queer guys, Restaurants & Cafes, Trannies

It’s Going to Be Hard to Position the Straw From the Rear

Girl: Well, she got addicted to coke, and weighs like three pounds now.
Guy: Sweet. Would I do her?
Girl: Well, it depends.
Guy: On what?
Girl: Well, she only hooks up with guys who will give it to her from
behind.

–Astor Place Barnes & Noble

Posted on June 29, 2025
Backdoor, Cocaine, Friends, Store

Have a Cracktastic Weekend, New York

Guy #1: Are you on crack?
Guy #2: No…
Guy #1: Man, you’re wearing like five jackets. You’re telling me you’re not on crack?

–31st & 8th

Man: So I said, “Bitch, I’ll buy you weed, but you want crack go get it yourself!”

–125th & Park

Woman: I’m not a crackhead. I’m a crack user. There’s a difference.

–Smith & 9th station

Overheard by: Paul Ford

Boy #1: Damn, almost be fallin’ in the tracks.
Boy #2: Dog, you know when you’re on crack you shouldn’t play by the track.

–96th Street 6 station

Overheard by: Eric Barthels

Posted on June 18, 2025
Cocaine, Drugs, Hard Drugs, People

It’s Not You, It’s Me (& Wednesday One-liners)

Woman: …and he wanted to break up with me so badly, he was like,
“Here, I’ll buy you an apartment!”

–Central Park sailboat pond

Overheard by: Sarahvb

Teen chick: I wouldn’t want to get married because it takes so long to get a divorce!

–Rockefeller Park

Russian lady: Ya…my mother was lucky. Not many women divorce lawyers.

–6 train

Lady: Come on, since my fucking boyfriend is a fucking crack head, we are fucking gonna pick up some guys tonight.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Julia Wright

Girl: I’m getting kind of tired of him. He used to be the kind of guy you could go out with and never have to talk.

–6 train

Guy on cell: …so I can fuck her, but I can’t marry her. See she’s Orthodox, but not Orthodox enough.

–Duane Reade, 51st & 3rd

Overheard by: Aryeh Jasper

Chick on cell: Honey, your boyfriend isn’t a boyfriend. He’s, like, a boyfriend-substitute…He’s, like, the I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter of boyfriends.

–Times Square

Overheard by: djlindee

Posted on May 11, 2025
All Wednesday One-Liners, Breaking Up, Cocaine, Marriage, One Night Stand, Religion, Sex, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

My Anti-drug? Wednesday One-liners

Jersey girl: There is no way Anna Nicole lost that weight on TrimSpa. She’s obviously smoking crack.

–4 train

Chick: Yeah, she’s trying to put back on the 10 pounds she lost during her little crack experimentation.

–Rivington & Allen

Overheard by: Josh Mueller

Crackhead: I had never seen anybody smoking crack. I had no idea what it looked like, somebody smoking crack. Until my uncle. And you know, he changed my Pampers.

–Fourth Ave & Dean Street, Brooklyn

Overheard by: sparkle shortz

Long-hair: Yeah, so for my birthday I just got myself a shitload of mescalin. And all I did was sit in my apartment all day, tripping my ass off.

–14th & 8th

Overheard by: debo

Guy: I could have been an astronaut if i didn’t do so many drugs. Why
didn’t anyone tell me?

–Pratt Institute

Posted on May 8, 2025
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Birthdays, Cocaine, Diet/Weight, Drugs, Family Ties, Jobs & Careers, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Attention DEA: Wednesday One-liners

Queer on cell: Michael Alig…yeah, I don’t remember those years so well.

–1st & A

Hood on cell: Yo man, that bitch stole two ounces of coke from my house!…She’s your friend, you go get it back!

–outside The Martini Red Lounge, Staten Island

Overheard by: Becka Dash

Guy on pay phone: …and Santa’s reindeer won’t be coming home!

–Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Traczie Bellinger

Posted on February 16, 2025
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cocaine, Guys, Holidays, On Cell, Queers, Staten Island

Wednesday One-liners For Sale

Man: So Tommy’s the security guard there, and I’m in the back room sellin’ crack to him…

–34th Street Lowe’s

Man on cell: …but there are like a thousand kinds of Crest!

–Duane Reade, 23rd St. & 6th Ave.

Overheard by: Elizabeth Rand

Posted on October 8, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cocaine, Jobs & Careers, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Drunk Jerk? Or Everyman?

Drunk: I want a bag of cocaine…a bag of cocaine and two lesbians.
Girlfriend: You’re not going to get it.
Drunk: Which, the bag of cocaine or the two lesbians?
Girlfriend: Neither.
Drunk: Fuck you!
Girlfriend: What, am I not good enough for you?

–1st Ave. & 5th St.

Overheard by: Alexander Romanovich