Cocaine

College girl to friend: Tonight’s goal is to make out with a cokehead.

–7th St

Guy #1: You have a problem with that shit.
Guy #2: I don’t like doing coke, I just like the way it smells.

–Astoria

Overheard by: Chris Nixon

Young punk #1: Where's the fucking n train? Can we get NRW in this shit… (pause) So my friend was all coked out and fucking this girl in the ass, then he totally lost it and started pissing right in her asshole.
Young punk #2: Woah…did she notice?
Young punk #1: Of course she noticed, he was pissing in her fucking asshole! (train arrives) Oh, sweet, it's the n!
Young punk #2: Yes! Astoria represent!

–Union Square, Waiting for the NRW

Hobo: It’s not like I even mean to keep talking. I don’t wanna keep talking. They fucked up when they started making Taco Bell Doritos. They take away the molasses! Why? Because they know I like it. I smoked crack with the FBI. Hasta la vista, nigger. Next time I see you, I’m gonna blow crack smoke into your head, you fucking bitch.

–W Train

Girl #1: I mean, really, she was doing cocaine at her father’s memorial service.
Girl #2: I know. Me and Ashley were like, “We’re no prudes, but there’s such a thing as decorum.”

–84th & Madison

Sorority girl #1: No, really, tanning is, like, my downfall.
Queer: Please, how often can you possibly tan?
Sorority girl #1: Constantly. I’m, like, a certified tanaholic. It’s a real problem. Hey! Heather! What would you say my biggest addiction is?
Sorority girl #2: Um, I dunno…coke?

Awkward silence ensues.

–27th & Madison

Bartender guy: Yo dude, block the door with your foot for a minute.

He does. Bartender guy then proceeds to cut a line on the top of the urinal, snort it, and return to work.

–Dorrian’s Red Hand men’s room, 2nd Avenue

Girl #1: It's going to suck if everyone there has a boring sense of humor.
Girl #2: So get them hyped up on cocaine, then everything is funny!
Girl #1: I will! Wait…how do *you* know?
Girl #2: At this point I would knock you on the side of the neck, steal your wallet, and run away.

–Main Street, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Michelle

Hipster chick: … And then the cops came in and busted him for cocaine possession.
Old mom: Oh, goodness.
Hipster chick: Yeah, he totally didn’t have that much.
Old mom: Did he have an eight-ball?

–66th & Park

Overheard by: ashley

Thug on cell: Will I accept payment in what? In coke? Fuck no, I won’t accept an eight-ball as payment. No. No way, bitch, I don’t care how pure it is. Uh-uh, the only coke I do comes in five dollar rocks. I can’t afford to get hooked on that expensive shit.

–49th & 7th

Oveheard by: Prefers the expensive shit

Drunk guy, to his date: The reason I’m buying all of this coke is so that we can fuck.

–6th St, between 2nd & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Danielle

Girl: Can you imagine saying your vows when you’re that coked up?

–Remsen St, Brooklyn Heights

Party girl: Oh my God, she took a picture of me one time while I was doing a line, and I was, like, so pissed!

–Sheep’s Meadow, Central Park

Dude: America runs on cocaine.

–W Broadway

Overheard by: ritajones

Goth chick: I just want to buy some fucking groceries so we don’t spend all our money on coke.

–Whole Foods, 14th St