Cocaine

Wednesday One-Liners Have a Big Endowment

Girl: We can't become gay just to fit in at this school!

–NYU

Passer-by: I pay $40k a year for school, and that makes me better than you.

–NYU, Tisch

Overheard by: Dan Lurie

NYU girl at party: My parents are actually really into civil liberties.

–NYU Dorm

NYU chick to friend: I love coke! (passing white lady gives her a strange look) I meant the drink, not the drug, lady! Jeez, I'm a minority student at fucking NYU! You think I can afford a coke habit??

–8th & University

Overheard by: Melissa Perez

Gay NYU student, rolling around on the ground in student lounge: I am obsessed with the ground. I mean, who's going to judge me? There's like six million Asians here and none of them are gay.

–Tisch Hall, NYU

Mother, pushing crying two-year-old in stroller: They're never going to accept you here if you keep screaming!

–NYU Admissions

Overheard by: Sam

Wednesday Caniners

Stylish 20-something woman to overweight pug breathing heavily: Well, Winifred, you're out of breath because you're out of shape. (pause) No, you're not fat. You're voluminous. (pause) Yes, I am aware it's not all your fault. Mummy likes to watch you eat powder doughnuts. (pause) Pugs that look like they have a coke habit are very funny for mummy, yes they are.

–Central Park

Young hipster to Labrador, as people approach: Come on! Come on! Say hello! (dog remains seated, doing nothing) God! I've been training him for months to talk to couples and it just isn't working!

–Williamsburg

Woman to her dog: Don't be an insult to your species! Act like a dog!

–10th St & Broadway

Lady to little barking dog: Shut up. This is not your sidewalk.

–Brooklyn

What? I Don't Want the Dog to Catch On

Stumbling drunk woman, loudly: Do you have any b-l-o-w?!
Date: Great. Real subtle!

–E 11th St

Overheard by: filigreed

From the Whitney Houston Collection

Queer eye: Lindsay Lohan wore this dress on the cover of Teen Vogue; ever since then, it’s been like…crack cocaine.

–Marc Jacobs, Bleecker Street

Overheard by: Mat Triebner

…Does That Mean You Have a Coke Connection??

20-something guy to friend: And then he died of a cocaine-induced overdose, while having sex with a prostitute.
Friend: That's awesome!

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Katie Compa

Translation: Will You Marry Me?

Hobo: I’ll bet you think I spent all my money on crack and alcohol.
Guy: Probably.
Hobo: Well, you’re right. But I’ve learned my lesson. Now I want to spend your money on crack and alcohol.

–E train

Just Like Nicole Richie

Black street dealer: Coke? Weed, my brotha?
Desi dude: I’m not black, I’m Indian, my nigga.

–St. Mark’s & 3rd

Overheard by: Innocent XXX

Yeah, But It's Different When It's a Professor

Party girl: Did you see Mark last night? I mean, he was doing coke off a hooker's ass.
Party queer, pouting: I so did that last week, and no one even said anything…

–Third North Courtyard, NYU

Overheard by: this is why I don't want anyone to know I go to NYU

You Should See Where She Keeps Her Cell Phone

Drunk girl #1: Yo, I have coke in my boob.
Drunk girl #2: Yeah, right, you so don’t. [Drunk girl #1 shows boob] Holy shit, you do!

–Brooklyn-bound 2 train

Overheard by: horny

Now I Just Work There Part-Time As a Supplier

Dude: Hey! Good to see you… What are you doing here? I thought you were at Beth Israel?
Waitress on smoke break: Yeah, I was in the OR until they caught me in the janitor’s closet doing coke.

–St Mark’s Pl & Ave A

Overheard by: Vegas

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