Dude: There’s something not quite right about your pumpkin pie… It’s just slightly off… It’s like a dildo!
Chick with bite of pie in her mouth: Did you just compare my pie to a plastic dick?
–115th & Riverside
Overheard by: amalthya
Dude: There’s something not quite right about your pumpkin pie… It’s just slightly off… It’s like a dildo!
Chick with bite of pie in her mouth: Did you just compare my pie to a plastic dick?
–115th & Riverside
Overheard by: amalthya
Man on cell: I had never used a dildo before, you know? It’s just never come up, I guess. So I think, ‘Okay, I’m not that young anymore — I’ll take what I can get…’ and it was going fine, but then I didn’t know you’re not supposed to shove it in that fast…
–14th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Peter L
Dude on cell: Why would I get the pink one? It’s not a dildo, it’s a back massager from Duane Reade.
–Christopher & 7th
Girl: I’ve got my Reisens and my vibrator, and I’m all set!
–Duane Reade, Montague & Court, Brooklyn
Young woman turning to male friend: So, bud, conquered any good buttplugs lately?
–6 train
Girl whispering: I think that girl in line behind me just read this text about rubber pussy cups!
–Victoria’s Secret dressing room
20-something guy to pals at brunch: I’m tired of being the guy with all the good sex toys!
–56th & 9th
Chick #1: So, I overheard that weird girl in my anthropology class talking about how she bought a glass dildo the other day.
Chick #2: A glass one? I didn’t even know they made glass ones.
Chick #1: Yeah, I don’t know. But imagine if it cracked — how much that would hurt.
Chick #2: Did you ask her about it?
Chick #1: Fuck no. I figured I’d just Google it later.
–NYU
Hot male nurse: Is there anything else that’s bothering you?
Drunk girl: Yeah, I want to puke, and I need to get laid.
–Saint Luke’s Hospital
Overheard by: evie
Woman on cell: Putting something inside you that vibrates is sort of like being at a construction site. I’m still getting used to my vibrator, too…
–Herald Square
Overheard by: GG
Geeky chick on cell: Sheesh, you’re just wearing her gloves, not reusing one of her condoms!
–4 train
Man on cell, paddle-boating with girlfriend: Hey, man! Yeah, I’m with my whip on the lake — she’s paddling me around!
–Central Park
Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie
Beauty on cell: Fuck you! What about the Astroglide? Fuck you! What about the rubbers? Fuck you, you asshole! Fuck you! Fuck you!
–W 4th St
Overheard by: cato
30-something lady on cell: I have told you: I am absolutely not going to wear that outfit when I have sex with you. I mean it!
–8th and 36th
Suit on cell: So they gave me this amazing cream for my burn that made my skin amazingly soft — you know, like Astroglide.
–80 Central Park West & 68th St
Overheard by: Ray Zinbran
Teacher: We need our high-power sexual devices!
–Brooklyn Tech
Girl: I had four vibrators.
Guy: You had four vibrators?
Girl: Yeah, and I was using the blue one to massage his neck.
–64th & 3rd
Overheard by: peter
