Drunk guy: Hi, my name’s Bobby Flamer.
Girl: Haha, there’s no way your last name is really Flamer.
Drunk guy: No, seriously, look at my ID.
Girl, looking at ID: This says your name is Eric Flamer.
Drunk guy: Yeah. I lied.
–Bar None, 3rd Ave between 12th & 13th
Overheard by: Zak Santucci
Drunk girl in stall #1: I don’t know what the hell I’m gonna do now. My ex took the apartment.
Drunk girl in stall #3: That happened to my friend, but she’s a hooker now.
Drunk girl in stall #1: Oh my god, really?
Drunk girl in stall #3: Yeah…but she knows this guy who can get me a really good deal on coats. You want one?
–Women’s bathroom, Tompkins Square Park
Overheard by: Sober girl in stall #2
Drunk girl #1: Where do you see yourself five years from now?
Drunk girl #2, despairingly: In a ditch!
Drunk girl #1: Awkward.
–14th & 1st
Drunk Girl #1: You’ve been stealing my tampons! Bitch!
Drunk Girl #2: Who are you?
–A train
Overheard by: Ben Somma
Loud, shit-faced Asian girl to strangers: You want some of this? I mean, don’t get me wrong. I love sex. [falls forward, taps stranger on forehead.] herro! Anybody home?! [laughs hysterically].
–Metro North
Drunk chick: Fuck technology, first it kills the bees, now it’s killing my ovaries!
–A Train
Drunk guy: Last night I shit on my balls!
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Drunk girl to drunk boyfriend: Well, you fingered me in the cab!
–A Train
Drunk preppy businessman: Just tell her to put the oil in the noodles and rub it all over the chest…
–33rd & Broadway
Overheard by: voluptuousgrl
Drunk girl in the bathroom, picking up plastic bag from the garbage: Whose baby is this?!?!
–Madison Square Garden Bathroom
Drunk girl sitting on steps: The Hudson is better then the East River right?
Guy: What?
Drunk girl: Yeah, it definitely is… There's less dead bodies in it.
–Hudson River Boat Basin
Man with beer #1: I love you, beer. You satisfy me in ways my wife never could.
Man with beer #2 to other man: You satisfy me in ways my wife never could…
–NJT to Penn Station
Overheard by: Geologist
Drunk 20-something man: Ow! It's cold out, ladies!
Teenage girl: You're drunk, mister!
–4th St & 1st Ave
Drunk guy on subway, trying to whisper: Um…for future reference, don't use that French accent next time we fuck.
Loud drunk girl, breaking into hysterical laughter: Ha! And then you're going to tell me not to fart on your balls!
–B Train
Overheard by: Glad I missed that party
Drunk Girl: I’m really glad you made it out tonight.
Sober Guy: I’m really glad you’re going home.
He closes her cab door and walks away.
–Bleecker St.
Overheard by: Stephie Russell
