Drunk girl on corner, to friend coming out of McDonald's: Did you go pee?
Drunk girl coming out of McDonald's: Yep.
Drunk girl on corner: Vagina happy?
Drunk girl coming out of McDonald's: Vagina happy!
–Fulton St. & Gold St.
Overheard by: the fundamental question
Drunk white woman: Congratulations on making history!
Sober black man: Um…what?
Drunk white woman: Yeah! I voted for Obama too!
–Bay Ridge, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Julzz
Drunk chick #1, as train approaches: Oh, no, here it comes! Quick, put on your sober face! [Drunk chick #2 stands up straight, takes a deep breath, and vomits all over the platform.] It’s okay, you look fine. Just don’t fall asleep on the train again.
–1 train
Hobo: Can I get some change?
Drunk guy: I’m sorry, I don’t smoke crack. I can’t understand you.
–84th & Amsterdam
Drunk guy in full New Year regalia: Well, I'm from fuckin' Pennsylvania and I never seen anything like this! This shit is fantastic! Woo!
Irritated sober woman: Really? No one on this train had any idea you weren't from New York!
–Uptown 1 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Drunk guy: Hi, my name’s Bobby Flamer.
Girl: Haha, there’s no way your last name is really Flamer.
Drunk guy: No, seriously, look at my ID.
Girl, looking at ID: This says your name is Eric Flamer.
Drunk guy: Yeah. I lied.
–Bar None, 3rd Ave between 12th & 13th
Overheard by: Zak Santucci
Drunk girl in stall #1: I don’t know what the hell I’m gonna do now. My ex took the apartment.
Drunk girl in stall #3: That happened to my friend, but she’s a hooker now.
Drunk girl in stall #1: Oh my god, really?
Drunk girl in stall #3: Yeah…but she knows this guy who can get me a really good deal on coats. You want one?
–Women’s bathroom, Tompkins Square Park
Overheard by: Sober girl in stall #2
Drunk girl #1: Where do you see yourself five years from now?
Drunk girl #2, despairingly: In a ditch!
Drunk girl #1: Awkward.
–14th & 1st
Drunk Girl #1: You’ve been stealing my tampons! Bitch!
Drunk Girl #2: Who are you?
–A train
Overheard by: Ben Somma
Loud, shit-faced Asian girl to strangers: You want some of this? I mean, don’t get me wrong. I love sex. [falls forward, taps stranger on forehead.] herro! Anybody home?! [laughs hysterically].
–Metro North
Drunk chick: Fuck technology, first it kills the bees, now it’s killing my ovaries!
–A Train
Drunk guy: Last night I shit on my balls!
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Drunk girl to drunk boyfriend: Well, you fingered me in the cab!
–A Train
Drunk preppy businessman: Just tell her to put the oil in the noodles and rub it all over the chest…
–33rd & Broadway
Overheard by: voluptuousgrl
Drunk girl in the bathroom, picking up plastic bag from the garbage: Whose baby is this?!?!
–Madison Square Garden Bathroom
