Drunk Irish woman: What time is it?
Drunk Irish man: Nine o’clock.
Drunk Irish woman: It’s early! The bars are open until four here. We still have [pauses to count on her fingers] seven hours!
–uptown 1 train
Overheard by: Cat
Drunk Irish woman: What time is it?
Drunk Irish man: Nine o’clock.
Drunk Irish woman: It’s early! The bars are open until four here. We still have [pauses to count on her fingers] seven hours!
–uptown 1 train
Overheard by: Cat
Drunk Santa to drunk female Santa: I didn’t know what to do! I don’t know anything about kids!
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: James
Tipsy LI teen to friend buying LIRR ticket: Is the machine gonna give you a bunch of Sacajaweas? … Dude… Sack-a-ja-wee-wee! She’s gonna be all up in your piece!
–LIRR
Overheard by: pri
Drunk girl sobbing to another: You’re my opposite! You’re my everything!
–Sala One Nine
Overheard by: And I’m in the fifth dimension…
Drunk man: My penis can touch my asshole!
–12th & 3rd
Drunk girl: You know what would be really weird and sort of pointless? A life-size map.
–12th & 2nd
Drunk white guy to passerby: He act like is my fault that I’m drunk.
–39th & 8th
Overheard by: How odd is that
Vendor: Crackerjacks! Crackerjacks!
Very drunk woman: Crackerjacks?! What about LSD??
–Keyspan Park, Coney Island
Overheard by: Jamie
Drunk girl on corner, to friend coming out of McDonald's: Did you go pee?
Drunk girl coming out of McDonald's: Yep.
Drunk girl on corner: Vagina happy?
Drunk girl coming out of McDonald's: Vagina happy!
–Fulton St. & Gold St.
Overheard by: the fundamental question
Drunk white woman: Congratulations on making history!
Sober black man: Um…what?
Drunk white woman: Yeah! I voted for Obama too!
–Bay Ridge, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Julzz
Drunk chick #1, as train approaches: Oh, no, here it comes! Quick, put on your sober face! [Drunk chick #2 stands up straight, takes a deep breath, and vomits all over the platform.] It’s okay, you look fine. Just don’t fall asleep on the train again.
–1 train
Hobo: Can I get some change?
Drunk guy: I’m sorry, I don’t smoke crack. I can’t understand you.
–84th & Amsterdam
Drunk guy in full New Year regalia: Well, I'm from fuckin' Pennsylvania and I never seen anything like this! This shit is fantastic! Woo!
Irritated sober woman: Really? No one on this train had any idea you weren't from New York!
–Uptown 1 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Drunk guy: Hi, my name’s Bobby Flamer.
Girl: Haha, there’s no way your last name is really Flamer.
Drunk guy: No, seriously, look at my ID.
Girl, looking at ID: This says your name is Eric Flamer.
Drunk guy: Yeah. I lied.
–Bar None, 3rd Ave between 12th & 13th
Overheard by: Zak Santucci
Drunk girl in stall #1: I don’t know what the hell I’m gonna do now. My ex took the apartment.
Drunk girl in stall #3: That happened to my friend, but she’s a hooker now.
Drunk girl in stall #1: Oh my god, really?
Drunk girl in stall #3: Yeah…but she knows this guy who can get me a really good deal on coats. You want one?
–Women’s bathroom, Tompkins Square Park
Overheard by: Sober girl in stall #2
