Chick: It was really good seeing you! Tell your sister I said hi!
Guy: I will — you, too! [To friend] What a fuckin’ bitch.
Chick: I can still hear you!
Guy: I don’t care!
–Sugar Bar, Church St
Chick: It was really good seeing you! Tell your sister I said hi!
Guy: I will — you, too! [To friend] What a fuckin’ bitch.
Chick: I can still hear you!
Guy: I don’t care!
–Sugar Bar, Church St
Chelsea boy: … And then he turned to me and said, ‘I like her because she fucks me like a man.’
Chick: That’s just not something you want to hear from your father.
–Delancey & Essex
Overheard by: les chinatown
Cop to old lady with walker: Excuse me, miss, do you have a license and insurance for that thing?
–57th St
Overheard by: jesse
Black teen to fellow commuter: So, I get off the train and I find this cop. He says to me, ‘Do I know you?’ ‘No, man.’ Then he asks, ‘Haven’t I arrested you before?’ And I say, ‘Nigga, please! No!’
–E train near W 4th St
Mounted police officer holding a pay phone and sobbing: Please, Mom, I’ll do anything!
–8th & 5th
Overheard by: jewish girl
Professor, about police sirens blaring outside: They’re playing our song.
–Columbia University
Large black lady hissing about a police dog sniffing and following black guy: That dog be racial profilin’! He’s a racist! That cop dog’s a racist!
–Subway station, Times Square
Chick to cop writing ticket, standing next to the naked cowboy: Can you give him a ticket for having a bubble butt?
–Times Square
Overheard by: knipc
Young woman: I hate you. I hope your heart explodes in your chest right now.
Old woman: You’re just saying that because I tried to run you over.
Young woman: You are a terrible mother.
–Bank of America ATM, Broadway
Sophomore #1: So yeah, my week off was really interesting. What about yours?
Sophomore #2: Boring. My brother fell off a balcony.
–Notra Dame Academy, Staten Island
Overheard by: The junior at the next table
Queer checking voice mail: Apparently my great aunt just died.
Friend: Oh, I’m so sorry.
Queer: Don’t be. She was a horrid, raging bitch.
Friend: Oh, well… then… ding dong!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Jas
Dude: I was at a wedding and this guy asked me if I thought my cousin was cute.
Friend: What did you say?
Dude: I said no, because she’s my cousin. But then he said that she isn’t really my cousin.
Friend: So, are you going to hit that?
Dude: I’m thinking about it. I was like, ‘Whoa!’
–75th & Broadway
Chick #1: Yeah, I was hoping to get all these painkillers by Thursday because I have to go home to see my mom in a play.
Chick #2: Can’t you just get them when you get back?
Chick #1: Yeah, no… My mother is starring in The Vagina Monologues.
Chick #2: Ouch.
Chick #1: See, that was my first thought.
–Goodbye Blue Monday, Bushwick
Overheard by: Sarah
Doctor #1, about Norah Jones: Did you know her father is Ravi Shankar?
Doctor #2: Her mother must be extremely good-looking.
–Doctors’ lounge, St. Vincent’s Hospital
Overheard by: Danny D
Headline by: s h
Runners-Up:
· “And we know why she didn’t come.” – Offbalance
· “Nip, Tuck, or Genetic Luck?” – Iconny
· “Or Maybe It’s Just that When You Multiply a Negative by a Negative, You End Up With a Positive” – Vasyl
· “Sex and the Sitar” – nicky c
· “The Good, the Bad, and the Ravi” – Riley
Rich blonde: So, how’s it going with the nanny?
Rich brunette: I don’t know. I’m thinking of firing her.
Rich blonde: Oh my god! Why?
Rich brunette: She says she’s identical twins with her sister, and they’re totally not identical.
Rich blonde: Yeah, that’s beyond annoying.
–Sushi Seki
Overheard by: Meredith
