Guy #1: So you don’t eat beef, huh?
Guy #2: Nah, man.
Guy #1: You’re that religious that you don’t eat beef?
Guy #2: Yeah, I guess.
Guy #1: Well, you’ve got cheese on your grilled chicken, what about that?
Guy #2: What about it?
Guy #1: Well, you’re killing the cow.
Guy #2: No, I’m not…
Guy #1: Oh, well, what about cows that drink cow’s milk?
–Hayden Dining Hall, Washington Square West
Overheard by: Calvin T.
Businessman lady: I’ll have a light latte please, with brown sugar. You do have brown sugar, don’t you?
Countergirl: Um, no.
Businessman lady: Well, then give me your finest, finest grade sugar, all right?
Countergirl: Oh. Sure.
–Dunkin’ Donuts, 93rd & 1st
Overheard by: Gina Loiacono
Spanish guy: Life is shit. You never know. Shit is shit. If you’re already smart and you make a computer, it’ll be fucking smart like in the movie AI. The devil at work like in Six Days with Schwarzenegger. Movies are like real ‘n shit. It’s bin Laden and that fucking Hussein, they’re in cohoots ‘n shit. They want to make us like them…a third world country ‘n shit.
Spanish guy: College don’t mean nothin’ ’cause you could fucking graduate with papers and shit, then someone’s friend gets the goddam job ‘n shit. It don’t matter ’bout college ’cause that fuckin’ asshole makes $70,000 so you got the college paper and that don’t mean shit.
Spanish guy: Best burgers is Burger King, but White Castle is the jam.
Spanish girl: Ew, no!
Spanish guy: No man, that shit is good, but only when the meat is fresh ‘n shit. Like they just cook it now ‘n shit. The only thing is if the bread is old ‘n shit or if too many onions ‘n shit. Yo, I made 50 bucks from my brother-in-law when I ate 53 ‘n shit. He ate 50. That was when I was husky ’cause I played football ‘n shit.
–D train
Overheard by: Valerie Velazquez
Guy: The only reason she was hanging out with those dudes is because she was hoping that one of them would kill me…But that’s neither here nor there.
–6 train
Hobo: You want to see the ugliest person…Look over there at the lady in the brown coat. Don’t look though, it could be scary. It’ll electrify ya. Scare ya stiff. That, my friends, is ugly.
–L train
Overheard by: Jess
Girl #1: So I know some Chinese now.
Girl #2 Really?
Girl #1: Yeah. I learned how to say our phone number from hearing you order food all the time.
–1 train
Overheard by: Karl Sturmgewehr
Chick: I wanna get some juice.
Guy: What juice?
Chick: POM juice.
Guy: Oh, please.
Chick: What’s wrong with POM juice?
Guy: It tastes like pussy.
Chick: Like my pussy?
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Store guy: Hello, how can I help you?
Chick: I’d like a meatball sub.
Store guy: would you like a six inch or footlong?
Chick: Footland.
–Subway, Bensonhurst
Overheard by: Mike
Hipster guy: That’s a cool coat, it’s pimp.
Ghetto guy: Thanks…Did you say “pimp”? I’m not a pimp.
Hipster guy: No, I meant pimp like cool.
Ghetto guy: Oh, okay…It’s not real. I’m a vegan.
–A train
Overheard by: M.E. Patton
Old lady: No, Henry, trust me. You were never a fuck machine, and I certainly did know how to fake it.
–113th & Broadway
Overheard by: Marc Mitchell
