Tween boy: Would you like to buy some candy?
Woman #1: No.
Woman #2: No thanks.
Tween boy: Okay, how about a threesome?
–8th & Broadway
Overheard by: rhett
Tween boy: Would you like to buy some candy?
Woman #1: No.
Woman #2: No thanks.
Tween boy: Okay, how about a threesome?
–8th & Broadway
Overheard by: rhett
Tourist dude: What’s a…knish?
Tourist chick: I think it’s like…a Hot Pocket?
–42nd & Park
Overheard by: JayBee
Teen girl #1: We’re not going to KFC! Their food is, like, poison.
Teen girl #2: Yeah, they kill their chickens alive.
–96th & Lexington
Overheard by: AG
Drunk girl: What kind of guys do you like?…What kind of guys do you like? I like guys with big tits.
–2nd Avenue & 11th Street
Overheard by: vegantoast
Chick on cell: I need you to give me a ride home when I get off the bus. My grandma has been standing in front of my house for over one hour…I bet you anything she needs money again.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Julio
Bouncer: You see, the schlemiel is the guy who spills his soup in a restaurant. The schlimazel is the guy who has the soup spilled on him.
–1st & A
Guy: Well, what color was this Jew?
–Fort Greene
Woman on cell: …That’s just so not my thing. I am not that kind of Jew, Larry, okay?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Nicole
Lady lawyer: This is a disaster. They should never put non-Jews in charge of the catering.
–Office, Rockefeller Plaza
Chick: Come to think of it, all of my Jewish friends went to summer camp. Isn’t that kind of ironic though; Jews at camp?
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Amanda
Teen boy: I want to be Jewish when I grow up.
–A train
Overheard by: drewseph
Guy on cell: You deserve a gold Jewish Star of David!…Did you swallow?…Yeah, that’s true, one step at a time.
–Astoria
Overheard by: SEM
Chick #1: So I took out the butter, you know, in the butter dish.
Chick #2: And…
Chick #1: It had been an avocado, like a year ago.
Chick #2: Ew!
Chick #1: So I just skipped breakfast.
Chick #2: What did you do with it?
Chick #1: What do you mean, what did I do with it?
Chick #2: Like, did you throw the whole butter dish away or what?
Chick #1: I just put it back in the fridge.
Chick #2: Right.
–Starbucks, Brooklyn Heights
Guy: Why do they put peas in the fried rice? Peas and carrots? I don’t want that in my fried rice.
Girl: Because it’s vegetable fried rice.
Guy: That’s what the egg is for.
Girl: Egg is not a vegetable. Wait…What is it? Dairy? It should be meat, because if you let it go it will be meat.
Guy: I think it’s produce.
–LaGuardia
Hobo: Yeah man, that’s good shit. Except for those white-ass American bandstand drummers. Whoever heard of fucking Clark Kent playing bongos?
–55th & 9th
Overheard by: Luke Reynolds
Guy #1: You know the reason why human beings are not at the top of the food chain?
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: Pez.
–Washington Square Park
