Guy Has Never Taken a Close Look at His Scrotum

Girl: You gotta get over this whole ‘everything grosses you out’ thing. What did you do when your girlfriend had a yeast infection?
Guy: Ew, stop it.
Girl: And what are you gonna do when your wife gets pregnant? All those gross things that go along with being pregnant — morning sickness, leaky breasts, weird food cravings. Are you ready to watch your wife eat a ham and scallop sandwich with tartar sauce?
Guy: Ewww!
Girl: And you know what else pregnant women get? You ready for this? Hemorrhoids!
Guy: Oh my god, I’m gonna puke.

–Sushi Ya, W 56th St

Overheard by: Just wanted some tempura

Posted on June 24, 2015
Advice, Friends, Health and Hygiene, Restaurants & Cafes

This Round's on Wednesday One-Liners

Hobo to another: Now the average American might not know about the economy and the depression. But they know about Budwieser. If they go to the bodega and there's no Budweiser, they know there's a problem.

–53rd Street E Station

Overheard by: SJG

Bald 30-something man: I believe in whiskey and little else.

–Lorimer & Union

Girl walking down the street: You took methamphetamines, I'm getting a Diet Coke!

–2nd Ave & 11th St

Overheard by: dazed and confused

Elated girl: This beer is really helping my canker sore.

–93rd & 2nd

Overheard by: brian w

Guy at bar: If the New York Public Library served Scotch, I would go there.

–Karl's Klipper, St George, Staten Island

Overheard by: Johnny Drongo

Train conductor: Next stop, Moshulo Parkway…and can someone get me a fucking soda! I'm in car 3! I need a damn soda!

–4 Train

Overheard by: B-Dizzle Yo

Posted on June 23, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Drugs, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Men, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Staten Island, Subway conductors, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Sailing Across a Sweet Rainbow of LSD and Frappuccinos

Cashier: And how are you today?
Girl with arm in sling, brightly: Hopped up on prescription painkillers. And yourself?

–Barnes & Noble, 7th Ave, Park Slope

Posted on June 21, 2015
Cashiers, Comebacks, Default, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Store

Translation: You’re Going to Be a Daddy!

Fat lady: I wanna return this.
Store guy: Why?
Fat lady: Is too small, wanna large.
Guy: Receipt says you bought it a month ago; what happened to you?
Fat lady: I got pregnant, motherfucker!

–Foot Locker, Queens Mall

Overheard by: Steve Kinsella

Posted on June 20, 2015
Diet/Weight, Fat People, Health and Hygiene, People, Places, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Queens, Shopping, Topics

Now He Tells Me

Guy #1 peeing in urinal moans loudly.
Guy #2 peeing in urinal: You ok, man?
Guy #1 peeing in urinal: God, I should have used a condom!

–28th & 10th, Crobar

Posted on June 17, 2015
Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Health and Hygiene, Manhattan, Poop, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Stall Spies, STDs

Must Be an Existentialist

Guy #1: Man, what’s wrong with your eye? It’s all red.
Guy #2: Nah, man, I’m just tired, that’s all.
Guy #1: You’re tired in one eye?

–116th & Lexington

Overheard by: Sam J. Miller

Posted on June 15, 2015
Health and Hygiene, Manhattan, Upper East Side

And Where Does He Stand on Breathing?

Dude: Does Janus like food?
Girl: What?
Dude: Is he into eating?
Girl: I've… eaten… with him… before.

–Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Jon A.

Posted on June 15, 2015
Food, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Questions, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

The Community Is Still Working on Universal Dental Care

Child: Mom, what are those piles of boxes in that parking lot for? Is that where they keep the garbage?
Mother: No, that’s where the bums live! There is a bum community in there! And they all have no teeth!

–Metro North train

Posted on June 15, 2015
Health and Hygiene, Kids, Moms, Money & Class

A Hot Pretzel? Perhaps a Nice Handjob?

Bicycle taxi guy: Hey, you want a ride through Central Park?
Tourist: No thanks.
Bicycle taxi guy: How about a foot massage? How about some dance lessons?

–Central Park

Posted on June 13, 2015
Body Parts, Cabbies, Central Park, Dancing, Health and Hygiene, Offers and requests, Parks, Tourism, Tourists, Wishes & desires

Listen, Laurel, I Take Enough Shit from You as It Is

Small man: Looks like you got a full lunch there.
Large man: Nah, just a donut, coffee, and a sandwich.
Small man: Oh, maybe just half a lunch then. [Pause] You should eat better.
Large man: Oh, I should, huh?

–Broad St, Financial District

Posted on June 13, 2015
Food, Health and Hygiene, Men

Health and Hygiene