Fat lady: I wanna return this.
Store guy: Why?
Fat lady: Is too small, wanna large.
Guy: Receipt says you bought it a month ago; what happened to you?
Fat lady: I got pregnant, motherfucker!
–Foot Locker, Queens Mall
Overheard by: Steve Kinsella
Guy #1 peeing in urinal moans loudly.
Guy #2 peeing in urinal: You ok, man?
Guy #1 peeing in urinal: God, I should have used a condom!
–28th & 10th, Crobar
Guy #1: Man, what’s wrong with your eye? It’s all red.
Guy #2: Nah, man, I’m just tired, that’s all.
Guy #1: You’re tired in one eye?
–116th & Lexington
Overheard by: Sam J. Miller
Dude: Does Janus like food?
Girl: What?
Dude: Is he into eating?
Girl: I've… eaten… with him… before.
–Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Jon A.
Child: Mom, what are those piles of boxes in that parking lot for? Is that where they keep the garbage?
Mother: No, that’s where the bums live! There is a bum community in there! And they all have no teeth!
–Metro North train
Bicycle taxi guy: Hey, you want a ride through Central Park?
Tourist: No thanks.
Bicycle taxi guy: How about a foot massage? How about some dance lessons?
–Central Park
Small man: Looks like you got a full lunch there.
Large man: Nah, just a donut, coffee, and a sandwich.
Small man: Oh, maybe just half a lunch then. [Pause] You should eat better.
Large man: Oh, I should, huh?
–Broad St, Financial District
Woman: But I can't make it, because I have a laser hair-removal appointment at one o'clock.
Man: Uh, where are you getting the hair removed?
Woman: My legs, parts of my crotch, and my armpits.
Man: Aweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesome!
–Washington Square
Guy #1: Yo, I don’t even believe in water, alls I drink is Pepsi.
Guy #2: Yep yep, water’s for pussies.
–47th & 9th
Dad: You get back here! If you get hurt, I am not going to take you to the hospital. I will not be late. I will just stitch you up myself when we get home.
Daughter looks skeptical.
Dad: I learned how to do it in prison.
–129th & Lenox
