Woman, 50s: I eat Cheerios every morning.
Man, 50s: Cheerios are good for your heart.
–Popeye’s, Bay Ridge
Woman, 50s: I eat Cheerios every morning.
Man, 50s: Cheerios are good for your heart.
–Popeye’s, Bay Ridge
Woman #1: I’ve been thinking lately that I want to be a gynecologist.
Woman #2: That’d be so cute! You could deliver babies and everything!
Woman #1: Oh. Well. Actually, I don’t really like children. I mean, I’d be willing to kill them, but I wouldn’t really want to deliver them…
–Nevada Smith’s, 3rd Avenue
Guy: I need to shit.
Girl: You know, smoking will make you have to shit even more.
Guy: Yeah, I know, they’re laxatives.
Girl: They are?
–80th & 1st
Large bald man on Bluetooth: He got a fuckin' boo boo, that's all!
–Gramercy
Suit on cell: So, I haven't been electrocuted…yet.
–L Train
Elderly woman: I regret that she broke her arm. I do not regret pushing her down the stairs.
–E Train
Overheard by: Pat
Little boy: I hope the boo-boo goes away soon! My staple won't hold that long!
–23rd & Park Ave
Overheard by: Say what?
Guy on train to friend: Hey, would you still date a girl if she was in an industrial accident and had to wear a Darth Vader suit forever?
–6 Train
Elderly janitor, watching pierced teenagers get in line: I'm gonna fart on one of these people.
–Broadway & Houston
Angry man on cell: They think they're so perfect, but I bet they piss and burp and fart like the rest of us.
–80th St & 34th Ave
Hobo: Can you spare some change? I need to buy some new underwear, I farted and shat in these.
–83rd St & Broadway
Overheard by: new girl in town
Tiny brunette: Have you ever had to pee so bad, and suddenly you fart and then you don't have to pee that badly anymore?
–7 Train
Young woman to friend: Yeah, and then she started fartin' a bunch. But she was farting out of her pussy. And Ashley got pissed, cause then, she started makin' a beat out of it.
–125th St & Lexington
Overheard by: Stephen
Architecture professor: You're all nodding off. Go splash some water on your face. Methamphetamines… Go out in the hall. Have any of you tried methamphetamines?
Class: No.
Architecture professor: No? How about heroin?
–Pratt Institute
Overheard by: Denali
Male passenger: One of her daughters has head lice, so she didn't come in to work today.
Female companion (wincing): That's ridiculous! It's not like she has AIDS or something!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Les Izzmore
Woman on cell: What?! So I douched today for no reason?!
–27th & 8th
Overheard by: abby k
Guy on cell: Hello? Hello, little douche! Oh, you’re just jealous of how not-douchy I am.
–Office, Murray Hill
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Girl on cell: He was a cunt in New York, but he’s a total douchebag in L.A.
–49th & 9th
Chick on cell: Listen, I’m sorry for last night… For hiding in the shower all night and being a douche.
–10th & Broadway
Overheard by: CMEdia
Professor, reading quote on politics of smoke-filled cities in 19th century: ‘… To give themselves and their wives and daughters that outside neatness, cleanliness, and freshness…’ [Pauses, then] Sounds like a douche ad.
–Columbia University
Girl: You gotta get over this whole ‘everything grosses you out’ thing. What did you do when your girlfriend had a yeast infection?
Guy: Ew, stop it.
Girl: And what are you gonna do when your wife gets pregnant? All those gross things that go along with being pregnant — morning sickness, leaky breasts, weird food cravings. Are you ready to watch your wife eat a ham and scallop sandwich with tartar sauce?
Guy: Ewww!
Girl: And you know what else pregnant women get? You ready for this? Hemorrhoids!
Guy: Oh my god, I’m gonna puke.
–Sushi Ya, W 56th St
Overheard by: Just wanted some tempura
Hobo to another: Now the average American might not know about the economy and the depression. But they know about Budwieser. If they go to the bodega and there's no Budweiser, they know there's a problem.
–53rd Street E Station
Overheard by: SJG
Bald 30-something man: I believe in whiskey and little else.
–Lorimer & Union
Girl walking down the street: You took methamphetamines, I'm getting a Diet Coke!
–2nd Ave & 11th St
Overheard by: dazed and confused
Elated girl: This beer is really helping my canker sore.
–93rd & 2nd
Overheard by: brian w
Guy at bar: If the New York Public Library served Scotch, I would go there.
–Karl's Klipper, St George, Staten Island
Overheard by: Johnny Drongo
Train conductor: Next stop, Moshulo Parkway…and can someone get me a fucking soda! I'm in car 3! I need a damn soda!
–4 Train
Overheard by: B-Dizzle Yo
