Wednesday One-Liners Just Need to Walk It Off

Large bald man on Bluetooth: He got a fuckin' boo boo, that's all!

–Gramercy

Suit on cell: So, I haven't been electrocuted…yet.

–L Train

Elderly woman: I regret that she broke her arm. I do not regret pushing her down the stairs.

–E Train

Overheard by: Pat

Little boy: I hope the boo-boo goes away soon! My staple won't hold that long!

–23rd & Park Ave

Overheard by: Say what?

Guy on train to friend: Hey, would you still date a girl if she was in an industrial accident and had to wear a Darth Vader suit forever?

–6 Train

Posted on June 29, 2015
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Clothing, Crime and Punishment, Dating, Fat People, Friends, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Kids, Men, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Suits, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Ew, Who Wednesday One-Linered?

Elderly janitor, watching pierced teenagers get in line: I'm gonna fart on one of these people.

–Broadway & Houston

Angry man on cell: They think they're so perfect, but I bet they piss and burp and fart like the rest of us.

–80th St & 34th Ave

Hobo: Can you spare some change? I need to buy some new underwear, I farted and shat in these.

–83rd St & Broadway

Overheard by: new girl in town

Tiny brunette: Have you ever had to pee so bad, and suddenly you fart and then you don't have to pee that badly anymore?

–7 Train

Young woman to friend: Yeah, and then she started fartin' a bunch. But she was farting out of her pussy. And Ashley got pissed, cause then, she started makin' a beat out of it.

–125th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Stephen

Posted on June 28, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Cleanliness, Clerks, Clothing, Farting & Burping, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Pee, Physical appearance, Poop, Queens, Questions, Teens, The Village, Threats, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Even Coffee If You Must

Architecture professor: You're all nodding off. Go splash some water on your face. Methamphetamines… Go out in the hall. Have any of you tried methamphetamines?
Class: No.
Architecture professor: No? How about heroin?

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Denali

Posted on June 27, 2015
College, Health and Hygiene, Heroin, Questions, Students, Teachers/Professors, Weirdness

Not Anymore, Right?

Male passenger: One of her daughters has head lice, so she didn't come in to work today.
Female companion (wincing): That's ridiculous! It's not like she has AIDS or something!

–LIRR

Overheard by: Les Izzmore

Posted on June 27, 2015
AIDS, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Health and Hygiene, Jobs & Careers, Passengers, Trains Not Subway

Wednesday One-Liners Are Fresh As a Summer’s Eve

Woman on cell: What?! So I douched today for no reason?!

–27th & 8th

Overheard by: abby k

Guy on cell: Hello? Hello, little douche! Oh, you’re just jealous of how not-douchy I am.

–Office, Murray Hill

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Girl on cell: He was a cunt in New York, but he’s a total douchebag in L.A.

–49th & 9th

Chick on cell: Listen, I’m sorry for last night… For hiding in the shower all night and being a douche.

–10th & Broadway

Overheard by: CMEdia

Professor, reading quote on politics of smoke-filled cities in 19th century: ‘… To give themselves and their wives and daughters that outside neatness, cleanliness, and freshness…’ [Pauses, then] Sounds like a douche ad.

–Columbia University

Posted on June 25, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Health and Hygiene, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Guy Has Never Taken a Close Look at His Scrotum

Girl: You gotta get over this whole ‘everything grosses you out’ thing. What did you do when your girlfriend had a yeast infection?
Guy: Ew, stop it.
Girl: And what are you gonna do when your wife gets pregnant? All those gross things that go along with being pregnant — morning sickness, leaky breasts, weird food cravings. Are you ready to watch your wife eat a ham and scallop sandwich with tartar sauce?
Guy: Ewww!
Girl: And you know what else pregnant women get? You ready for this? Hemorrhoids!
Guy: Oh my god, I’m gonna puke.

–Sushi Ya, W 56th St

Overheard by: Just wanted some tempura

Posted on June 24, 2015
Advice, Friends, Health and Hygiene, Restaurants & Cafes

This Round's on Wednesday One-Liners

Hobo to another: Now the average American might not know about the economy and the depression. But they know about Budwieser. If they go to the bodega and there's no Budweiser, they know there's a problem.

–53rd Street E Station

Overheard by: SJG

Bald 30-something man: I believe in whiskey and little else.

–Lorimer & Union

Girl walking down the street: You took methamphetamines, I'm getting a Diet Coke!

–2nd Ave & 11th St

Overheard by: dazed and confused

Elated girl: This beer is really helping my canker sore.

–93rd & 2nd

Overheard by: brian w

Guy at bar: If the New York Public Library served Scotch, I would go there.

–Karl's Klipper, St George, Staten Island

Overheard by: Johnny Drongo

Train conductor: Next stop, Moshulo Parkway…and can someone get me a fucking soda! I'm in car 3! I need a damn soda!

–4 Train

Overheard by: B-Dizzle Yo

Posted on June 23, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Drugs, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Men, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Staten Island, Subway conductors, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Sailing Across a Sweet Rainbow of LSD and Frappuccinos

Cashier: And how are you today?
Girl with arm in sling, brightly: Hopped up on prescription painkillers. And yourself?

–Barnes & Noble, 7th Ave, Park Slope

Posted on June 21, 2015
Cashiers, Comebacks, Default, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Store

Translation: You’re Going to Be a Daddy!

Fat lady: I wanna return this.
Store guy: Why?
Fat lady: Is too small, wanna large.
Guy: Receipt says you bought it a month ago; what happened to you?
Fat lady: I got pregnant, motherfucker!

–Foot Locker, Queens Mall

Overheard by: Steve Kinsella

Posted on June 20, 2015
Diet/Weight, Fat People, Health and Hygiene, People, Places, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Queens, Shopping, Topics

Now He Tells Me

Guy #1 peeing in urinal moans loudly.
Guy #2 peeing in urinal: You ok, man?
Guy #1 peeing in urinal: God, I should have used a condom!

–28th & 10th, Crobar

Posted on June 17, 2015
Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Health and Hygiene, Manhattan, Poop, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Stall Spies, STDs

Health and Hygiene