Pregnant lady: My tummy hurts, it's either gas or the baby.
Husband: How can you tell the difference?
Pregnant lady: By which exit is used.
–Katz Deli
Overheard by: M. McOrmick
Pregnant lady: My tummy hurts, it's either gas or the baby.
Husband: How can you tell the difference?
Pregnant lady: By which exit is used.
–Katz Deli
Overheard by: M. McOrmick
Young lady: Stupid people have more fun!
–Chrystie & Housten
Overheard by: Probably True…
Middle age woman to young woman pushing stroller: Well, this is a stupid place for a stroller!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Would the street be safer?
Oversized hip-hop boyfriend to undersized girlfriend: I'm being stupid for your benefit.
–Duane Reade
Woman buying ibuprofen: It's not a virus. My mother's got a headache from everyone being stupid.
–Inwood
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Girl smoking on the sidewalk to smoking friend: He's perfect. Except that he's kind of dumb. But he's perfect!
–34th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Katface
Middle-aged woman exiting subway: Man, these are a lotta steps.
Young white woman: Yeah, living in New York is like living on a Stairmaster.
Middle-aged black woman: Amen, sister.
–Broadway & Fulton
Husband: What do you want to do?
Wife: I want to get a massage.
Husband: You want a Chinese massage? I’ll put on stilletos and walk on your back.
–12th & 4th
Overheard by: lbp
Hipster guy, finishing a story: And so I said “suck on that, commie!”
Hipster girl: Wait, what?
Hipster guy: By “commie”, I mean “communist.” And by “suck on that,” I mean my cock.
Hipster girl, disappointed: Oh.
Gay hipster guy: I get it! But, I mean, what about the chafing?
–Q Train
Overheard by: Alexx
Dude, walking up to security desk in emergency room: Hi. It feels like my balls are about to fall off.
–St. Lukes Roosevelt Hospital
Overheard by: Kate Melvin
Stoner chick: The girls are all hairy balls, and the photos look like hairy balls, and they wear hairy ball sacks, but Tyra is the biggest hairy ball of them all.
–7 train
Overheard by: bronwyn
Out-of-place guido: I ain’t wearing nothin’ that touches my balls to my asshole!
–8th Ave
Overheard by: finds it comforting
Teenage boy to friends, about a movie: Yooo, it’s like a chick flick with balls!!! You know, like a guy’s chick flick!!!"
–E 85th St & 3rd Ave
Guy: I use Burt’s bees for my balls.
–Broadway & W 4th
Overheard by: Jake R
Guy #1 to guy #2: I really think you’d feel a lot better if you felt my balls.
–6th Ave & Bleecker
Dentist: You don’t have any allergies, do you?
Patient: Penicillin.
Dentist: But no latex allergies or anything like that?
Patient: No! Oh my God, no! Wow. That would be totally horrible and depressing.
Dentist: Why, are you a med student or something?
Patient: …No.
–Columbia University Dental Practice, Amsterdam Ave
Really trendy girl #1: So do you want to go tanning after the gym?
Really trendy girl #2: Yeah, but I don’t want to get skin cancer.
Really trendy girl #1: Yeah, me neither. That’s why I wear underwear.
–42nd & Lex
Overheard by: Just wanted some starbucks
College miniskirt #1: Wow, I feel so nauseous.
College miniskirt #2: It must be all the Adderall we took.
College miniskirt #1: You're right, I'll probably just throw it up when we get to the bar.
–110th St & Amsterdam Ave
Overheard by: Nikki
Man #1: I don't know, I just don't really like public showers.
Man #2: Who does?
Lady: Faggots.
–Graffiti, 10th St
